Ricky Gervais

After his showing at the Golden Globes on Sunday night, it’s not likely that Ricky Gervais will see another invite from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to host their annual awards ceremony — which may be why the comedian took the evening as a chance to throw some of his best barbs to date. Herewith, a look at last night’s punchiest punchlines.

On Charlie Sheen: “It’s going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or, as Charlie Sheen calls it, breakfast.”
On 3-D: “It was a big year for 3-D movies. Toy Story, Despicable Me, Tron. It seems like everything this year was three-dimensional — except the characters in The Tourist.”
On SJP et al: “There were a lot of big films that didn’t get nominated this year – nothing for Sex and the City 2. I was sure the Golden Globe for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster.”
On the elderly: “Next up, Eva Longoria has the daunting task of introducing the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press. That’s nothing! I just had to help him off the toilet and pop his teeth in.”
On, er, the elderly: “Congratulations to Hugh Hefner, who is getting married at age 84 to 24-year-old beauty Crystal Harris. When asked why she was marrying him, she said, ‘He lied about his age. He told me he was 94′. Just don’t look at it when you touch it.”
On Scientologists who shall not be named: “Also not nominated, I Love You Phillip Morris. Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped with that joke.”
On The Social Network: “The creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg, is reportedly worth $7-million. Heather Mills calls him the one that got away.”
On Bruce Willis: “Ashton Kutcher’s dad!”
On Robert Downey Jr.: “He’s the star of Iron Man, Two Girls and a Guy, Wonderboys. Sorry, are these porn films? Kiss Kiss (Bang Bang), Bowfinger. Really! Up the Academy. He has done all those films, but many of you in this room probably know him from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angles County Jail.”
On Rambo: “The next presenter is a true Hollywood icon. In ten of the biggest blockbusters of all time, he has shown his extraordinary acting versatility. He has played a boxer … and Rambo. Please welcome Sylvester Stallone!”
On ingrates: “He was a jobbing actor, career not going that well if I’m being perfectly honest, who got his big break when I cast him in a show called The Office. He is now leaving that show, and killing a cash cow for both of us. Please welcome the wonderful Tina Fey, and the ungrateful Steve Carell!”

Read more: [link to arts.nationalpost.com]