Sprite, This advice is probably a little late coming, but I'm going to try anyway.

You might want to look into finding some friends, a spiritual counselor, or maybe a health professional to help you. I'm not trying to be funny, I really am trying to help. I just took a look at some of the threads you started here and they show a probability of a really unhealthy lifestyle.

Please don't do anything rash, and take a little time to gather your thoughts. Post any question you might have and I'll do my best to help.