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FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH

 
Friduwulf
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User ID: 1217642
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03/02/2011 09:48 PM

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FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Here are some fun things you can do at church. I recommend trying them all, besides, what do you have to lose?

- Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say:
"If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

- Put stray dogs in coat closets.

- Un-tune the piano.

- Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".

- Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.

- Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"

- Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead
concerts.

- Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a
dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or
crucified?"

- Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.

- Start a wave.

- Do cool things with the lighting.

- When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and
"Oliver Klozoff".

- Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.

- When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they
gonna do another SONG?"

- Make up your own words to the songs.

- Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say:
"Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.

- Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.

- If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T
SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"

- Dress all in black, or in camo. - Pierce the body of a tiny animal with
stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male,
wear two. Change sets for the evening service.

- If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching
shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.

- At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that
you can see an image of Jesus.

- Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and
socks.
- Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first
mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.

- Inflate balloons, then send them off.

- Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side
cartoons.

- Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Draw in
asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the page.

- Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.

- Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.

- During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what
you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over
65 million years ago."

- Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly
light them.

- Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned,
especially Stephen.

- Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how
good it is.

- When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper
with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.

- Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick
them.

- Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"

- Blow bubbles.

- Fake a possession.

- Distribute condoms.

- Speak in tongues.

- Ask where the nearest ashtray is.

- Drool in the collection plate.

- Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they
tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.

- After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When
someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act
embarrassed.

- Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry".

- At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a
wristwatch embedded inside.

- Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones
depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the
pastor.

- Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!"
Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the
church next Saturday at midnight.
Friduwulf  (OP)

User ID: 1217642
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03/02/2011 09:49 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.

My personal favorite.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1280228
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03/02/2011 09:50 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


While still making sure to shout "ABEB!" during the preaching ;)
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 09:50 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


While still making sure to shout "ABEB!" during the preaching ;)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1280228


ROFLbanana2
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 09:52 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.

My personal favorite.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


(If I could log in, you'd totally be on my friendse's list)
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 09:52 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.

My personal favorite.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


(If I could log in, you'd totally be on my friendse's list)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1280228


Consider me your friend ;):)
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 09:53 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Matthew 21:13

And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 09:54 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Matthew 21:13

And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576


Party Pooper!
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 09:56 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Matthew 21:13

And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576


Th original Greek word they translated "prayer" there is actually kruhk'bera, which is where we derive the root of our English term "crunchberries"
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 09:57 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Matthew 21:13

And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576


Th original Greek word they translated "prayer" there is actually kruhk'bera, which is where we derive the root of our English term "crunchberries"
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1280228


OMGWAAAHAHAH
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:00 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Matthew 21:13

And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576


Seriously, lighten up..How boring is your god?
Laughter, the best medicine..I wouldnt want to hang with a god that couldnt joke around.
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:00 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:00 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Matthew 21:13

And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576


God is everywhere. And SHE wishes you to have some sense.
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:01 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind.
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:02 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Or or I know...

Bring some stupid brunette with you and have her tell stupid jokes.!!

Do I win ???!!!
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:02 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Or or I know...

Bring some stupid brunette with you and have her tell stupid jokes.!!

Do I win ???!!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1270684


O.o...sighs and looks at her feet...pouts
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:03 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
awesomeness haha
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:03 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
awesomeness haha
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1273458


well at least someone likes retarded jokes as much as me :)
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:04 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.

hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...

this should mean I get the top of the throne...
Friduwulf  (OP)

User ID: 1217642
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03/02/2011 10:05 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.

hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...

this should mean I get the top of the throne...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682


Huh?
wtf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1049682
United States
03/02/2011 10:07 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.

hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...

this should mean I get the top of the throne...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682


Huh?
wtf
 Quoting: Friduwulf


what are you confused about?
Friduwulf  (OP)

User ID: 1217642
United States
03/02/2011 10:07 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.

hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...

this should mean I get the top of the throne...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682


Huh?
wtf
 Quoting: Friduwulf


what are you confused about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682


All of it!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1279321
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03/02/2011 10:09 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


It's where your pic took me...my apologies.
DERAIL

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03/02/2011 10:09 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
This looks like a list straight from George Carlin.

...if not, I'm sure he would of said the same thing.
/
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:10 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
This looks like a list straight from George Carlin.

...if not, I'm sure he would of said the same thing.
 Quoting: DERAIL


I found it online..but didnt say the author..just got a giggle out of it :)
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:10 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


It's where your pic took me...my apologies.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


?? how, why!!!!
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:11 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Went to church with a leather jacket and jean vest had an Iron Maiden Number of the Beast patch on the back,was asked to take it off or leave,I left,my church going days didn't last very long.
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:11 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


It's where your pic took me...my apologies.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


?? how, why!!!!
 Quoting: Friduwulf


Modesty...how cute.
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:11 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Went to church with a leather jacket and jean vest had an Iron Maiden Number of the Beast patch on the back,was asked to take it off or leave,I left,my church going days didn't last very long.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 733974


Go MAPLELEAFS!
Friduwulf  (OP)

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03/02/2011 10:12 PM

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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
...


Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind.
 Quoting: Friduwulf


It's where your pic took me...my apologies.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


?? how, why!!!!
 Quoting: Friduwulf


Modesty...how cute.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321


Geez Louise..men..sighs
Anonymous Coward
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03/02/2011 10:12 PM
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Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.

hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...

this should mean I get the top of the throne...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682


Huh?
wtf
 Quoting: Friduwulf


what are you confused about?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682


All of it!
 Quoting: Friduwulf


HAHAHAHA LMFAO

I cant stop laughinghf





GLP