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FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH |
Friduwulf Offer Upgrade
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 09:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Here are some fun things you can do at church. I recommend trying them all, besides, what do you have to lose?
- Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."
- Put stray dogs in coat closets.
- Un-tune the piano.
- Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven".
- Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.
- Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?"
- Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.
- Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher: "Would you rather be stoned or crucified?"
- Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out.
- Start a wave.
- Do cool things with the lighting.
- When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff".
- Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant.
- When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?"
- Make up your own words to the songs.
- Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly.
- Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
- If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT GODDAMN THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!"
- Dress all in black, or in camo. - Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two. Change sets for the evening service.
- If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead.
- At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus.
- Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks. - Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in.
- Inflate balloons, then send them off.
- Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side cartoons.
- Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the page.
- Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face.
- Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen.
- During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago."
- Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly light them.
- Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen.
- Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is.
- When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number.
- Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me," and lick them.
- Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!"
- Blow bubbles.
- Fake a possession.
- Distribute condoms.
- Speak in tongues.
- Ask where the nearest ashtray is.
- Drool in the collection plate.
- Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians.
- After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act embarrassed.
- Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry".
- At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a wristwatch embedded inside.
- Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the pastor.
- Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!" Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the church next Saturday at midnight. |
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Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 09:49 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
My personal favorite. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1280228 United States 03/02/2011 09:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service. Quoting: FriduwulfWhile still making sure to shout "ABEB!" during the preaching ;) |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 09:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service. Quoting: FriduwulfWhile still making sure to shout "ABEB!" during the preaching ;) Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1280228ROFL |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1280228 United States 03/02/2011 09:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
My personal favorite.
Quoting: Friduwulf(If I could log in, you'd totally be on my friendse's list) |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 09:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service.
My personal favorite.
Quoting: Friduwulf(If I could log in, you'd totally be on my friendse's list) Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1280228Consider me your friend ;):) |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1279576 United States 03/02/2011 09:53 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Matthew 21:13
And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer. |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 09:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Matthew 21:13
And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576Party Pooper! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1280228 United States 03/02/2011 09:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Matthew 21:13
And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576Th original Greek word they translated "prayer" there is actually kruhk'bera, which is where we derive the root of our English term "crunchberries" |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 09:57 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Matthew 21:13
And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576Th original Greek word they translated "prayer" there is actually kruhk'bera, which is where we derive the root of our English term "crunchberries" Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1280228OMGWAAAHAHAH |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Matthew 21:13
And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576Seriously, lighten up..How boring is your god? Laughter, the best medicine..I wouldnt want to hang with a god that couldnt joke around. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1279321 United States 03/02/2011 10:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter... |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1282835 India 03/02/2011 10:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Matthew 21:13
And he said to them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279576God is everywhere. And SHE wishes you to have some sense. |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1270684 Canada 03/02/2011 10:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Or or I know...
Bring some stupid brunette with you and have her tell stupid jokes.!!
Do I win ???!!! |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Or or I know...
Bring some stupid brunette with you and have her tell stupid jokes.!!
Do I win ???!!!
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1270684O.o...sighs and looks at her feet...pouts |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1273458 United States 03/02/2011 10:03 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH awesomeness haha |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:03 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH awesomeness haha
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1273458well at least someone likes retarded jokes as much as me :) |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1049682 United States 03/02/2011 10:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.
hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...
this should mean I get the top of the throne... |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:05 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.
hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...
this should mean I get the top of the throne...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682Huh? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1049682 United States 03/02/2011 10:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.
hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...
this should mean I get the top of the throne...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682Huh? Quoting: Friduwulfwhat are you confused about? |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.
hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...
this should mean I get the top of the throne...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682Huh? Quoting: Friduwulfwhat are you confused about? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682All of it! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1279321 United States 03/02/2011 10:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind. Quoting: FriduwulfIt's where your pic took me...my apologies. |
DERAIL
User ID: 1114656 United States 03/02/2011 10:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH This looks like a list straight from George Carlin. ...if not, I'm sure he would of said the same thing. / |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH This looks like a list straight from George Carlin.
...if not, I'm sure he would of said the same thing.
Quoting: DERAILI found it online..but didnt say the author..just got a giggle out of it :) |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH
Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind. Quoting: FriduwulfIt's where your pic took me...my apologies. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321?? how, why!!!! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 733974 Canada 03/02/2011 10:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Went to church with a leather jacket and jean vest had an Iron Maiden Number of the Beast patch on the back,was asked to take it off or leave,I left,my church going days didn't last very long. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1279321 United States 03/02/2011 10:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Too bad none of the options include the pastor's wife or adult daughter...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind. Quoting: FriduwulfIt's where your pic took me...my apologies. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321?? how, why!!!! Quoting: FriduwulfModesty...how cute. |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:11 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH Went to church with a leather jacket and jean vest had an Iron Maiden Number of the Beast patch on the back,was asked to take it off or leave,I left,my church going days didn't last very long.
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 733974Go MAPLELEAFS! |
Friduwulf (OP)
User ID: 1217642 United States 03/02/2011 10:12 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH ...
Really?? Hmmm..where is your mind.
Quoting: FriduwulfIt's where your pic took me...my apologies. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321?? how, why!!!! Quoting: FriduwulfModesty...how cute. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1279321Geez Louise..men..sighs |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1273458 United States 03/02/2011 10:12 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Re: FUN THINGS TO DO AT CHURCH I drive my girl nuts with my hands all over her, discretely of course.
hey priests get to fondle little boys and not get in trouble, I should be allowed to play with my woman...
this should mean I get the top of the throne...
Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682Huh? Quoting: Friduwulfwhat are you confused about? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1049682All of it! Quoting: FriduwulfHAHAHAHA LMFAO I cant stop laughing |
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