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Funny Stuff from Qantas Airlines´ Maintenance Crews...

 
Anonymous Coward
08/19/2005 09:39 AM
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Funny Stuff from Qantas Airlines´ Maintenance Crews...
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.


The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the
form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas´ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That´s what they´re for.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you´re right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.
popparazi
12/08/2005 10:08 AM
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Re: Funny Stuff from Qantas Airlines´ Maintenance Crews...
P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.lol

funnee op very very good :-)
jonk
12/08/2005 10:08 AM
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Re: Funny Stuff from Qantas Airlines´ Maintenance Crews...
And they´re just about, if not the most profitable airline in the world ATM.

Virgin blue is better though; all the hostie´s wear a thong... nice touch that.
defiler
12/08/2005 10:08 AM
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Re: Funny Stuff from Qantas Airlines´ Maintenance Crews...
The last one is my favorite. 1rof1
jonk
12/08/2005 10:08 AM
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Re: Funny Stuff from Qantas Airlines´ Maintenance Crews...
Actually I thought in my big timing way´s I´d posted this before. It had actually made it´s way on to www.crikey.com.au daily news email... a long time ago.

Ah well, there yer go.

I´m a turd.

A damn stinking turd.

But at least I FLOAT !!!
Anonymous Coward
12/08/2005 10:08 AM
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Re: Funny Stuff from Qantas Airlines´ Maintenance Crews...
Rainman right again!





GLP