inflatable anatomically correct jesus love doll found in Pat Robertsons closet

breaking news:
A search for a child sex ring led investigators to the home of evangelical pastor Pat Robertsons house yesterday. Not only did they find evidence of child pornography and beastiality but they found an inflatable jesus love doll. The anatomically correct doll featured an enlarged gape in the anal region that matched the exact dimensions of robertsons shriveled penis. The perpetually shocked look on the face of the love doll may be unintentional says veteran investigator. "The mouth is open like that so robertson can simulate oral copulation." the detective then went into a demonstration on how this would happen.
What is most disturbibing to investigators however was the assless nazi outfit robertson was wearing when detectives and swat arrived and the unexpected presence of Glen Beck tied in a s.& m. dungeon where he was dressed like a baby with a ball gag in his mouth. Beck was not available for comment but investigators said that when they freed beck he kept saying "I have been a bad boy. I should be punished." He also was reported to wink like Sarah Palin at some of the more butch officers in the swat team who seemed both flattered and curious to have their hero showing such unabashed interest.
The state is trying to decide if it should file charges against Robertson for the physical abuse Beck had been subjected to. Beck showed evidence of trauma to the anal and penile areas and also exhibited the worst case of stockholm syndrome since the Patty Hurst case. Beck claimed that Robertson wasn't to blame for the wounds on his dimpled posterior or the abrasions to his penis or the nipple clamps. Beck claimed it was all his fault if only he was prettier and smarter then "Patsy" would not have gotten so angry. When questioned about the baby outfit, Beck claimed it made him look younger for Pat and maybe would spark some more of the old passion they once shared. More of this story at 11.