We're living right on the edge of a major change young man. There are a lot of people suffering but hanging on just to be here when everything changes. You need to be here too.

As for suicide, let me tell you something. If you really hate your parents and any brothers and sisters you may have, and anyone else that loves and cares about you, yeah, no big deal right? My son got into some fairly serious trouble when he was 16. Because events involved a stolen vehicle, he was charged as an adult. After being told by his lawyer to plead guilty and that he would be out in 18 months to 3 years, he plead guilty. At the time, there was a lot of bullshit about being soft on juvenile crime so for political reasons, this prick judge gave my son 15 years, with 7 or 8 suspended, in a state prison for adults in Maryland. The sentencing took place just after his 17th birthday.

I told him I was going to do whatever I could do to get him out of this hell hole as quickly and as early as possible but it was going to take some time. He had been in prison for about a month or so. A few days later, I got the call. My son hung himself in his cell. The apparently have a rule about not leaving juveniles in their cells alone, but that didn't matter. And where I always heard they don't allow things like belts in the cells, they let my son have his. This was in March of 1999.

I never recovered from the severe grief. I think it affected my immune system. I just never felt the same again. I ended up getting cancer and am barely hanging on myself. No matter how bad it may seem, remember that it can and always will eventually get better. Usually, better than you can ever imagine when you're right in the middle of the shit. If you ever end your life because you think you can't handle what YOU'VE gotten yourself into, you will be seriously harming and end up killing those that love you. The grief never really goes away.

So love yourself, damnit. And hang on. And don't you dare fuck over your parents and people that you may not even know love you. You understand me? Don't you dare even think about it.

That said, you are in my prayers, Derek. And make sure you are not only talking to your Creator, make sure you are listening. Calm your mind and listen. And have some gratitude KNOWING that all of Creation is on your side and be thankful that all this WILL pass.

God bless you, son. There is a bright future just over the next rise.