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BREAKING NEWS
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UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa. (Rueters)
-- A second major sex scandal
has taken the heavenly glow out
of Happy Valley.
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A man has come forward to say
that he has been totally screwed
by certain professors at the
university for more than 30 years.
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Ed Conrad has informed state
Attorney General Linda Kelly that
he has been molested on a somewhat
regular basis since 1981,
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"In fact, I STILL have a sore A-hole,"
he told her.
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Conrad said he has gotten it up the
rear end from "certain individuals
really high up" in the Departments of
Anthropology, Paleontology, Geology
and even Entomology.
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"All I did was discover petrified
remains --
many human -- between
coal veins and this has been their
gratitude," he remarked.
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Conrad offered a CATscan of his
abdominal cavity which proves the
sexual assaults date way back to the
time that Coke in a bottle was a
nickel.
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[
link to www.oddee.com]
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The CATscan technician who examined
the X-ray was astonished.
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"Boy, back then, they
really didn't
give you too much Coke for your money,"
he remarked.
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Conrad, who may sue Penn State for
pain and suffering, said he feels
even worse the way Truth was treated
by the conspirators at Penn State.
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"Much too often the phonies at
Penn State didn't even have the
compassion and decency to use
Vaseline," he revealed.
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This is a copy of a report that the
Attorney General's office may or
may not release to the public.
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[
link to groups.google.com]
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All information contained within is
Ed Conrad's humble opinion and, as
everyone knows, he is protected
by the First Amendment.
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Submitted by The Friends of Ed Conrad
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[
link to www.edconrad.com]
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[
link to www.edconrad.org]
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Canada
