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What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1855758
United States
01/14/2012 04:26 PM
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What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
We all know what I'm talking about.

When you're at home, you dig into that bad boy like you're trying to haul a marlin over the side of the boat.

When you're in public though,...you do that side-to-side pinch-cheek flex maneuver, fruitlessly you realize, as your cheeks are too damp to get some friction.

Do you lean up against a parking meter and try to take care of it like that, or do you pull the " my wallet's stuck " move ?

Have you ever been in an elevator, made eye contact with somebody, and just knew they had an itchy butthole ?

charlie
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8830705
United Kingdom
01/14/2012 04:27 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
i just get right on in there

fuck em
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8819025
United Kingdom
01/14/2012 04:29 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
You should be askin yerself WHY you have a itchy butthole, in the first place!

scream
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7382541
United States
01/14/2012 04:31 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
go to the bathroom and wipe your ass a lil better...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7136463
Canada
01/14/2012 04:39 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
"Like trying to haul a Marlin over the side of the boat"

haha too funny..

1rof1
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9038273
United States
01/17/2012 02:42 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
bump get all these "strange sound" religious hysteria threads off the front page
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9729780
United States
01/28/2012 03:57 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
i back myself into a corner and get my finger down in my stinker and scratch it out
davejp

User ID: 9670447
United Kingdom
01/28/2012 04:01 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
You should be askin yerself WHY you have a itchy butthole, in the first place!

scream
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8819025


this.


But i know the feeling!
danwa

User ID: 1522311
United States
01/28/2012 04:02 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
reverse fart.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1868091
United States
01/28/2012 04:14 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Try bathing daily....
Daikirai

User ID: 1528322
Netherlands
01/28/2012 04:16 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Try bathing daily....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1868091

Chi pecora si fa, il lupo se la mangia
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3200567
United States
01/28/2012 04:18 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
You should be askin yerself WHY you have a itchy butthole, in the first place!

scream
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8819025


tryin to act like your buttholes never itched
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9732214
Australia
01/28/2012 04:20 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9670362
United States
01/28/2012 04:23 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Wipe your ass after you take a shit. Get treated for pinworms.
Anubis

User ID: 1395589
Canada
01/28/2012 04:27 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
sitting on a pylon works..
Lastcall
User ID: 9434824
United States
01/28/2012 04:34 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
I invented a solution to this problem several years ago


I took one strap from a pair of old suspenders

I hooked one clip to the back of my tie and ran the strap under my clothes down around between my legs and up my back , then I hooked the second clip to the back of my collar ( on the inside so it doesnt show )


I call my invention "Body Floss"


So whenever old "Berbie" gets to itchin I just discretely reach up grab ahold of my tie and act like Im adjusting it and it works like a charm

However for best results you should move you tie up and down approximately 2 feet , it takes some practice to be able to do this in public and still look "natural".

Also you need to be careful when you adjust the tension of the strap , too tight and it pulls your collar back cutting off the flow of blood to your brain and lightly bruising you balls as well


My finacial backer for the invention was David Carradine

ITS NOT MY FAULT HE DIDNT READ THE DIRECTIONS!!!!!!!!!!
Anubis

User ID: 1395589
Canada
01/28/2012 04:35 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
I invented a solution to this problem several years ago


I took one strap from a pair of old suspenders

I hooked one clip to the back of my tie and ran the strap under my clothes down around between my legs and up my back , then I hooked the second clip to the back of my collar ( on the inside so it doesnt show )


I call my invention "Body Floss"


So whenever old "Berbie" gets to itchin I just discretely reach up grab ahold of my tie and act like Im adjusting it and it works like a charm

However for best results you should move you tie up and down approximately 2 feet , it takes some practice to be able to do this in public and still look "natural".

Also you need to be careful when you adjust the tension of the strap , too tight and it pulls your collar back cutting off the flow of blood to your brain and lightly bruising you balls as well


My finacial backer for the invention was David Carradine

ITS NOT MY FAULT HE DIDNT READ THE DIRECTIONS!!!!!!!!!!
 Quoting: Lastcall 9434824


dave is dead
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1220645
United States
01/29/2012 03:11 AM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
just put your fingy in the stinky and rub
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8507651
Canada
01/29/2012 03:44 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Rub oil of oregano on it before you go out.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1170013
United States
01/29/2012 03:51 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Better get the wet wipes so you don't have to deal with it in the first place.


Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2934170
Canada
01/29/2012 03:51 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Just use a butt plug!
Aunty Flo

User ID: 1705586
Australia
01/29/2012 03:53 PM

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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Take worming tablets and wipe your butt better. Should alleviate the problem.
ruxpin

User ID: 1420924
United States
01/29/2012 04:00 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
I mean dogs drag their asses over the lawn when they have worms so what the fuck is going on with your sphincter?
 Quoting: Aucuparia


Actually, they do that because they need their anal gland expressed most of the time.
I only believe half of what I read and even half of that is bullshit.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1492076
United States
01/29/2012 04:03 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Confucius say," Man who goes to sleep with itchy butt, will wake up in the morning with smelly finger".
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1015009
United States
01/29/2012 04:27 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
u gotta shift your body weight down on one leg, then switch to the other leg.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9651111
United States
01/29/2012 04:31 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Find a restroom so you can do it in private.
dragunov_1977

User ID: 6409759
United States
01/29/2012 04:35 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Hydrocortisone or something, maybe even olive oil, unless its the ringworms, damn so many things can go wrong with the body. Just treat it with a good lotion before you go out and if it persists see a doctor even if its embarassing.
Im just a latrine in a judaic controlled society. As a result, the MSM can get away with taking a leak on me.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 5913880
United States
01/29/2012 06:31 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Next time just allow yourself to enjoy the sensation. Notice that grin and lip curl that comes over your face. It's all good, my friend. Right fact,it's exquisite. Just don't overindulge. You won't get anything done.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9829131
Australia
01/29/2012 06:40 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7063795
United States
01/29/2012 06:43 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Youre shitty down there OP, buy a tub of baby wet wipes. Only thing that really gets it clean .
Ive showered and bathed and scrubbed and still used a wet wipe after that got what water couldnt

Wet wipes are amazing.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 9829744
United States
01/29/2012 06:47 PM
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Re: What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?
Wow. So many claim to never have an itchy butthole.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to raise the ol' bsflag on that. If you're male, your butthole itches.





GLP