What's a discreet way to handle an itchy butthole in public ?

.

Men are more prone to hemorrhoids. I believe they are the main cause of itchy butthole syndrome.

I guess you have two options: 1) Get out of the public area and into a restroom to take care of your problem. 2) No restroom? Back yourself to the corner of a table or desk like you are going to sit on it to talk or perhaps waiting for someone and scratch with the corner edge (ewww).

.

Find a gay and have him lick it clean.

Scratch that sucker raw, behind the last layer of whites.

Then we all proceed to spend money with that dirty hand....spreading the luv

he he ...... dirty money babe

i had this problem but take my advice don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony

That I don't know. Genetics maybe? I'm in good shape, I try to eat right, and my butthole itches like there's no tomorrow sometimes. The only real cure seems to be surgery. I'd rather live with the itchy butthole.

That's really gross Op.

You have an infection or a worm in your anus. I never have itchy sensations in my behind. Something is wrong with you. You should get checked out by a doctor asap.

If you are a clean male, it shouldn't itch. You should absolutely take a shower daily. No exceptions. Then it won't itch. This is an anonymous forum and people that are saying thier butt doesn't itch, mean it doesn't itch.

Sorry, but I don't buy it. I wash my butthole every day. It still itches sometimes. I guess if someone has an itch anywhere they must be dirty?

Like I said earlier. It's hemorrhoids that cause itchy butthole.

For the love of Gawd...Sit on the edge of a hard chair and let the edge creep into your crack.

Ps...wipe better next time!

Send him back to Washington.

Back up into a wall...keep your eyes open...when you think nobody's looking then have a dig. If someone does see you, then pretend you're straightening out your underwear.

Step #2, is to go to the nearest bathroom and take paper towels and clean yourself good, real good. Theres always a reson for an itchy butt, and you will see proof in your used paper towels.
Wipe dry, and enjoy the rest of your day.

.

I drive for a living mostly long haul and my butt itches something terrible i found this spray called "fire in the hole" that works good

i use my fingernail?

Well it seems that one cannot scratch any private part of their bodies....boobies, peepee, or crotch area in public. It is one of tose those weird taboos that makes no sense.

Cleanliness has little to do with it.

Thanks OP for bringing up a very good question.

Last Edited by Pyractomena borealis on 01/26/2013 05:46 PM

BRILLIANT!

This is true. Thanks for clearing up the stereotype.

Apply a solution of oleoresin capsicum (in the highest concentration you can find) liberally to the offending orifice. Within seconds you will no longer detect any itchy sensations. Guaranteed.

Go into the nearest restroom and wipe your ass. Like Billy Dee Williams says, "works every time."

Find a convenient drinking fountain and sit on the water button for a while.

just ask your gay lover to fist fuck you and use his fingers to scratch your anal fiffures and then we he pulls out take a deep wiff..

To use only toa papers is not satisfying, you have to wash your behind with flowing water. If you have a shower handle you could use that instead.

I'm very clean guy and I always wash my rear, even when I was homeless, I filled a plastic bottle and it surved as a micro-shower in order to avoid smelly, ichy b-hole, can't believe they don't teach south-region hygiene in schools, lol.