1-25-12

Sam (I love you)

I saw him again this morning while I was walking with my three: Chella, Garnet, and Zip. “Oh he IS a puppy!“ I thought, remembering that my husband had mentioned it earlier.

At first all I saw was the puppy and then I saw Him. His name had been TJ and my first live-in boyfriend had to have him. I was thoroughly against it. We already had Sam that that was enough! I was not yet a “dog person,” but I would be in 25 years.

The puppy next door is the splitting image of TJ and triggered a rush of memories. Previously, I did my ho-oponopono with Sam, but it still didn’t seem “closed.“ Since today might be the LAST chance to tell Sam what was in my heart, I stopped in my tracks at the fence-line and felt the Intention of the words passionately and with wet eyes.

Addressing the forgiveness prayer to both Sam and the boy: I am so so so very sorry. I pray that I have your forgiveness. I love you so much. Thank you.

I would have never admitted it then, but I was so horribly jealous of Sam and TJ. I wanted all the boy’s love. I could hardly look at them. I missed out on so much love.

Later, after opening myself to a reciprocal loving relationship with a dog, Chella came into our lives, followed by Garnet and later, Zip. I worship them. I fall apart when they smile and wag their tails. Their happiness is my happiness. Oh how much love was lost to me when I hardened my heart to Sam and TJ.

Immediately after the ho-oponopono prayer, I saw that I could use the experience as a concrete marker of the progress I have made with consciousness, intimacy and love. Without that marker, I might be able to fool myself into thinking I was Always a loving person.

I am grateful to my newest little four-legged neighbor “TJ.” Oh how I love you for coming again. For reminding me of your unconditional love and forgiveness.

To Sam and Your boy: I look forward to a nice long walk and enjoying your new tricks. Until then,

I am so sorry and I beg your forgiveness. I love you so very very much. Thank you for your unconditional love and support. Peace and love, peace and love. Dawn.