My Latest Conspiracy...We Are Being Fattened Up For Slaughter. Could It Be True?

I wrote this earlier for a conspiracy challenge thread that was posted here. Enjoy.

The reason there is such an obesity epidemic is because we are secretly being fattened up by Aliens to be used as fuel...that's right fuel! What better way to get a quick and usable energy source than to take cheap materials such as, high fructose corn syrup, bleached flour and other calorie dense, nutritional void food, and turn it into burnable lipids. You don't even have to force these mindless zombies into devouring this garbage. They will stand in long lines and easily give up their hard earned money to acquire this toxic soup that will quickly convert to burnable fat and oil. Fast food corporations that provide all this low cost, high calorie filth are all controlled by the aliens. That's why you can see The most popular one in any city or town with a population over 1,000. You will even find them on highways in the middle of nowhere with signs ten miles away leading to them. In major metropolitan areas you will find one at every major intersection.

To discourage the livestock from eating healthy and nutritional fare,the aliens make sure to make beneficial foods unaffordable to the masses. Few will opt for the 6 dollar container of organic field greens and will go for the .99 cent double cheeseburger. Most often opting for two of them. They will then wash it down with a quart size, high fructose corn syrup laden soft drink they can get for only a dollar. Now they still have 3 dollars left to do it again for dinner. This cheap substance will almost instantly turn into a usable fuel as soon as it enters the bloodstream of the unsuspecting host.

Once the population of earth reaches 99% of morbid obesity, the aliens will come in their large container ships and harvest their bounty. Some will be processed right there while others will be taken to their planet and keep in pens to be used later, much like how we keep cattle and other animals here on Earth. People that didn't fall for their high calorie bait will be accepted as higher intelligence beings and left to repopulate the Earth.

Some people ask, "How can these Aliens be so cruel?" The way the aliens will see it is we had no problem doing this to other creatures of the Earth, so why shouldn't we share their fate? Karma's a bitch. Second, what do these mindless mass consumers really contribute to the Earth? They rarely care about anything else but themselves. They will lie, steal, cheat and take anything they can get for free to satisfy their insatiable desires. How often do they ever go out of their way to help anyone else? How often are they ever thoughtful of their actions and the effects they will have on others and their environment. The aliens will see it as that they have done a favor to the remaining 1 percent of the Earth by removing this foul, evil mutation that call themselves human beings.

So it's not your gold, silver, iron, or diamonds the aliens are after. They want that flat tire around your waist.

So in closing I ask you...are you a part of the 99%?

P.S. To all of you copyrighted material grab asses. Please don't take this material and present it as your own. I worked hard and thoughtfully putting this together. Please be creative and come up with your own material. I don't mind if you share this but make sure to give Vyper the credit. Thank you and goodnight.

Note: The above information is for entertainment purposes only. The reader should determine for themselves if there is any validity to this information. I will not be liable for any mindless actions that result from the reader's interpretation.