Aliens told me to send Sandra Fluke all my used rubbers. If just 100 more of you join me, we can meet her needs.

It's right there in the constitution...Article 69, section 1. Congress, being largely a gathering of liars and theives, who buy votes by commandeering the peoples money and redirecting what they don't steal, shall provide free rubbers and an I pad for sluts, using money that would otherwise feed the poor slob from which they stole it's kids.