Deciding NOT to have children....

wait wait.. so someone bringing a child into this already overpopulated shithole, who cant really afford one.. you're saying that is not selfish?

Face it, in this world there are no unselfish reason to have kids. Try and think of one i bet you cant

lol

this is a niche board with loopy ideas

99.9999 percvent of mankind has like better things to worry about, you know, ol love and stuff

leave the "the worlkd is so bad i want to cry home to mama" types to find yet another reason to concentrate on the self and the world's horrors- while doing nothing

lol

My wife and I decided to remain child-free before we even were married. In the future we may adopt an older child (I was in the foster care system so I know how shitty it is) but she has no desire to be pregnant and I have no desire to pass on my genes. I'm the youngest of 9 kids. most of my siblings have at least 3 children.....unfortunately very few people in my family do much with their lives and cancer and heart disease is like a plague for us, so that sort of crushed any tiny bit of desire I may have had to be a dad.

Taking being a Mom seriously is a good thing.


It should be obvious, ---but ---Make sure your married to a man.
I can honestly say if you are not a selfish person, having kids will improve your life in ways you cannot imagine.

No one will love you and you will love know one on earth like your own child.

you must be nurturing in an honest way to your kid/kids, and not necessarily be good at it, just honestly try, or they will grow to resent you and in some fashion this will manifest itself in bad way.

If your a me, me, me type having kids will force you into a state of giving---I sugget you look at what you are selfish about and ask yourself if that is what you want in your life.---a good test is what would Jesus say.

if you can at all see the uselessness and immaturity that selfishness stems from, but can't see yourself giving it up, cause your scared or worried.---you are on the path to having kids---they will give you the power to kick your selfishness .

so start planning wisely----your life won't be your own.


its great 20-30-40 years later--- you will start seeing the fruits of your labour of love.----it is spectacular and deep.

God bless.


if you can't let go of the me,me,me selfishness---you will pay a price for it as time goes on.
the only way to mitigate this pain is to help family values when you can and not join in the push to wreck family values for the sake of justifying the me,me,me stuff going on in society.----LET IT GO!!! or you will lose self respect.

is this your guess, or do these 'sad fucks' confess such thoughts to you?

only, hideous, selfish cunts, thankfully those are VERY few and VERY far between. if you are not a parent yourself then im afraid you know absolutely nothing. clueless

anyone who openly admits regret on having children really is a cunt

OP: you want to make an omelette, you got to break an egg. i myself am not the most maternal woman myself. but i decided to bit the bullet, and have never regretted it, never once even remotely occurred to me. despite the 'sacrifices' you make

my 2 boys are the only thing that really matters to me. they give me a purpose. the most precious things in my life. nothing else compares

what would me life be otherwise? sure, childless people have 'freedom', but i experienced 30 years of 'freedom' before i became grounded by my first baby

i look at people my age now who dont have kids, and i cant imagine how it must be to reach full adulthood and have NO responsibility. REAL responsibility. seems kind of pointless

its their choice, but i dont admire or envy them for it. they are generally whiners who complain about how tough their life it and i scoff at their annoying silliness

not saying all parents are perfect, but 99% are better people for it, and at the end of the day they they get my respect over some 35 arse who is still suiting himself and just generally taking up space like a teenager

holy shit lol I just choked on my cuppa!

LOL me too! Love it.

Oh yeah.
I'm so miserable, without any mewling, puking life-n00b crapping themselves, whining and screaming up snot in my face because the universe must revolve around them at all times or else.

God, it feels so empty, talking to adults about adult things, being able to speak my mind and do what I want when I want...not having to spend the next 18 years teaching an ungrateful little imp how to use a spoon, wipe it's own ass, tie it's own shoes, talk, and avoid sticking forks in electrical sockets.
It sucks, having all this money building up, up and up in my bank account because I don't have to buy a brand new wardrobe for someone every 6 months.....oh God, how will I go on?

lol

My mother told me that giving birth to me was the worst, most painful experience of her life, which is why she waited 13 years to give birth again. This terrified me so much I was so scared during my pregnancy and labor. Indeed, it hurt (the contractions more than the pushing), but I couldn't wait to be pregnant again. Nature sort of has a way of erasing the memory of the pain. My mother was just a freak :) I've had two kids and it was the most awesome experience of my life. Being pregnant is an overwhelming experience of feeling so perfectly connected and in love with someone you've never even met before. When that baby is born, it is like you've known it forever. It is frightening to be a new mom, even if you're married and the husband helps, so I'm sure if you're a single mom or married to a door knob, it's harder. Yet, those children are my world; I look at them every day and feel blessed to be their mother. Being a mother is trying emotionally and sometimes thankless, but it is the best job I've ever had :)

I'm sure your life can be fulfilling, it is your attitude in how you approach life and your situation. But, if you aren't going to have children due to fear of the unknown, I'd rethink that if I were you, just as long as you are bringing that child into the best possible environment you can provide, one that fosters love and respect.

there is a third world war coming soon, so thank god you wont have time to have them anyways.

Anyone else have advice?

We tried for kids, 2 miscarriages, after that gave up, too much stress and too painful emotionally ... so for a time we regretted not having kids ... now however, very pleased NOT to have kids ... as you said yourself ... the current state of the world ... what future are you giving your kids ...

Already we use up more than the planet can bear ... soon there will be war for food and water ...

Also, not having to worry about where your kids are ... keep in mind you will be a parent and worry about them till you die.

Now we just spoil kids from our friends and play uncle and aunt. Works for us, and at the end of the day you go home and don't have to worry about upset stomachs, future etc.......

Up to you really.

My fiance and I have also talked about this. We're kinda iffy at the moment but we're leaning towards 'no' simply because of how messed up the world has become. Unless something happens that changes our minds we probably wont be having any kids. And in this economy it's not like having a kid makes our lives easier in any way. -.-;

The above posts bring up very good points.

Thanks for your comments!

It's a scam don't do it!

Yeah having a kid can be nice but most people want kids for the same reason people want pets, something to keep them occupied and emotionally usefull. Having a kid is the most un selfish thing you can do, it is never about you it is 100% about the kid always. It will stress you out to no end and easly tack on 5-10 years of age emotionally if not more. It is a job more than it is anything else.

Women are WIRED to want kids, this is natures way of keeping the species going. Most guys don't want kids and lets be realistic, it is NOT for everyone. Most women that want kids are emotionally needy to begin with, and all that needy energy goes 100% into the kid which just makes them spoiled and rotten. Kids are very manipulative and will use your neediness to bend you to there will to get what they want. I see it ALL the time it's no joke.

It's not ALL bad but honestly you are better off getting a dog or cat, at 3 months old they have more emotional maturity than a 11 year old. They do not cry, bitch, moan, or complain and it is 100% less stressful than having a kid and you can still have that emotional connection. I have a 5 year old english bulldog and she has won my heart more than any kid I have ever fathered or taken care of.

I have dated multiple women who had kids and it was SO clear to me the kids were doing that person more harm than good. I don't hate kids I just see them for what they really are, good and bad and in general think it's not all its cracked up to be.

Women who say they never regret it will never admit the pitfalls. They in fact do love there children very much but it is often for selfish reasons. This is why despite the women who know where this world is headed will still have kids, because they don't truly have the child's best interest at heart IMO.

Well, the last thing won't happen. If you have a child you will love it and probably never regret having it...but, having said that, it's your life, don't let society pressure into thinking you've missed out and aren't complete if you don't have children. You can have a full life traveling and doing what you want to do and not have to sacrifice for your children.

Most young people when they decide to have children don't really think about what the child's life will be like. What if you have a son and he has to go fight in a world war? Or your kids get messed up on drugs, etc. I don't mean to be negative, but most people are kind of selfish when they have kids and just think about cute little babies.
It's good that you are actually thinking things through.

How old are you? You can always wait until the last minute and have kids when you are around 40. A lot of people change their minds and decide to have kids then and by that time they are established in life and have had time to do what they want.
Don't worry about giving birth. It's not that bad and it's worth it.

I cannot imagine why anyone would want to bring a child into the world today.

Families today are more dysfunctional than ever - so many conflicts and so much disconnect.

There is NO guarantee that anyone's life will be "happy and fulfilling" with children.

There is NO guarantee that anyone's old age will be "secure and enriching" with children and grandchildren.

Thanks for the reply.

I am 37 and an elementary teacher.

The thing is, sometimes I think having been a teacher for so long has actually made some of the ''kid cuteness'' wear off---it's easier for me to see kids for what and how they really are, so I'm not overly emotional or enamored by them.

At the same time, I have a few students who have really pulled at my heart strings and I'd take them home in a mili-second! It's times like those when I start to think maybe I should have kids.

So confusing! I don't understand it. LOL

Save them from living in a post apocalyptic world believe me you won't regret it.

I know what you're saying....

But I've been waiting on an apocalyptic world FOR YEARS and despite years of warnings, we are still here!!!

You seem to have a level head on your shoulders and being an elementary school teacher gives you more of a three dimensional view of what parenthood is like. Each decision obviously has upsides and there is no black and white.

Having a child contains risk but the reward can be great if you were willing to love unconditionally. For with parenthood, I fully believe that you get what you put into it. Love begets love. There are all kinds of mothers out there. I was raised by a great one who I adore to this day and would never abandon. There are some who really shouldn't be parents because they were ill-equipped for adulthood, let alone raising another human being.

Not having a child can be equally fulfilling and doesn't mean one is selfish or won't be leading a rewarding life. Yes, there is more to life than children. There are so many facets to life and time on Earth is so short. It's ridiculous that women put pressure or labels on one another for choosing one or the other.

thats easier said than done.

You know, I'm 37, and we shouldn't have been born.

I guess that's true.

The kids being born now are going to have a very hard life, aren't they?

If you have doubts, don't do it.

To all the child-burdened people who insist that childfree people don't know what true joy is, I would tell you that you'll never know how wonderful it is to take a vacation, ON YOUR OWN. No compromising, no sullen, tear streaked faces of brats that couldn't get their way, no lists of things that HAVE to be seen (for the good of the children - PS most 3 year olds won't remember that overpriced trip to Disney). While the child-burdened women are telling stories about how they got puked on and stayed up all night to care for their 4 screaming children and their partners slept through it all (and still, she went to work! o! the suffering she has endured! weep for the martyr!)...I've gone on adventures that those women couldn't dream of.

All due respect--and I do not mean this offensively: Most of your reasons TO have kids here are about yourself.

Will I regret not having an family once I'm on my death bed.

Can life still be happy and fulfilling without having children?

Can old age still be secure and enriching without children and grandchildren?

You're afraid of regrets, not being happy, not being fulfilled and your old age not being secure and enriching. Do those sound like valid reasons to have a child to you?