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Need your advice

 
nibiru2012planetx
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User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 01:44 PM
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Need your advice
My wife is telling me that she is not proud of me and she looking for the man she can be proud of.
We've had 17 years together and have a beautiful daughter of 8. We've had our ups and downs like other couples but most often she was on my case for not being the man/farther she want me to be. I don't dring but smoke. I kept telling her that she's got to accept me for the way I am and also shouldn't interfer with our daughter but we were always argu on that and carried on a normal relationship. Oh and BTW, I've always been faithful to her and never looked around. Always be there financialy etc...

Without warning or pre-discussion about how she feels she blently told last week that she's decided that she was going to look for another man who can make happy and have another baby with. She wants to break up.
I've told her that I am prepared to make changes in my life to give what she wants and to give me a second chance to prouve that what matters is my family above any personal needs, habbits etc.. Even therapy is a la carte to look into my chilwood and fix old broken paths in my soul.

We communicate and talk about this issue a lot as I am not accepting my faith and she knows that I won't go down without a fight (figure of speech) - Unfortunately, there is a guy that she's known seen they were teens and went out with him at one point. Anyway, this guys keeps coming back into the picture and has what she's looking for (I guess). I know him but don't have any confirmation as to why I've got a bad feeling about him.

What do I do?
Back off or fight for what's matters?
Find out what's really going on with this other guy without being too open about it?
If my gutt feel is correct - do I talk to him and ask him to back off until I get my problem sorted?

I don't have anyone to talk too as I wouldn't want our friends to know at this early stage.

Any tips would be great. I am emotionally frigile at the moment so please don't hit me too hard

Thanks
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
billyrisk
User ID: 1597223
Canada
05/09/2012 01:52 PM
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Re: Need your advice
My wife is telling me that she is not proud of me and she looking for the man she can be proud of.
We've had 17 years together and have a beautiful daughter of 8. We've had our ups and downs like other couples but most often she was on my case for not being the man/farther she want me to be. I don't dring but smoke. I kept telling her that she's got to accept me for the way I am and also shouldn't interfer with our daughter but we were always argu on that and carried on a normal relationship. Oh and BTW, I've always been faithful to her and never looked around. Always be there financialy etc...

Without warning or pre-discussion about how she feels she blently told last week that she's decided that she was going to look for another man who can make happy and have another baby with. She wants to break up.
I've told her that I am prepared to make changes in my life to give what she wants and to give me a second chance to prouve that what matters is my family above any personal needs, habbits etc.. Even therapy is a la carte to look into my chilwood and fix old broken paths in my soul.

We communicate and talk about this issue a lot as I am not accepting my faith and she knows that I won't go down without a fight (figure of speech) - Unfortunately, there is a guy that she's known seen they were teens and went out with him at one point. Anyway, this guys keeps coming back into the picture and has what she's looking for (I guess). I know him but don't have any confirmation as to why I've got a bad feeling about him.

What do I do?
Back off or fight for what's matters?
Find out what's really going on with this other guy without being too open about it?
If my gutt feel is correct - do I talk to him and ask him to back off until I get my problem sorted?

I don't have anyone to talk too as I wouldn't want our friends to know at this early stage.

Any tips would be great. I am emotionally frigile at the moment so please don't hit me too hard

Thanks
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


I would say first of all you really have to look within your self and figure out what you really want... Not to conserve the satus quo but for yourself. Do you want to stay with her for your kid or for you, because you love her.

Once you figure this out and really get in touch with the deep voice that know what you want and what to do about it, just go for it. If she is not happy in this maybe you are not but convincing yourself that this is how you want it to be. If you know for sure you can't loose her than make her feel it... Make her feel that this is more important than anything.

I don't think that confronting the guys is a good option cause if she decided to move on, their is nothing you can tell the guy to change that.

And keep communicating with her, this is the key. Not saying I am a matter at it but we all try our best.

I know you can do it! You just have to really beleive in what you really want.

Hope this helps
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 01:58 PM
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Re: Need your advice
My wife is telling me that she is not proud of me and she looking for the man she can be proud of.
We've had 17 years together and have a beautiful daughter of 8. We've had our ups and downs like other couples but most often she was on my case for not being the man/farther she want me to be. I don't dring but smoke. I kept telling her that she's got to accept me for the way I am and also shouldn't interfer with our daughter but we were always argu on that and carried on a normal relationship. Oh and BTW, I've always been faithful to her and never looked around. Always be there financialy etc...

Without warning or pre-discussion about how she feels she blently told last week that she's decided that she was going to look for another man who can make happy and have another baby with. She wants to break up.
I've told her that I am prepared to make changes in my life to give what she wants and to give me a second chance to prouve that what matters is my family above any personal needs, habbits etc.. Even therapy is a la carte to look into my chilwood and fix old broken paths in my soul.

We communicate and talk about this issue a lot as I am not accepting my faith and she knows that I won't go down without a fight (figure of speech) - Unfortunately, there is a guy that she's known seen they were teens and went out with him at one point. Anyway, this guys keeps coming back into the picture and has what she's looking for (I guess). I know him but don't have any confirmation as to why I've got a bad feeling about him.

What do I do?
Back off or fight for what's matters?
Find out what's really going on with this other guy without being too open about it?
If my gutt feel is correct - do I talk to him and ask him to back off until I get my problem sorted?

I don't have anyone to talk too as I wouldn't want our friends to know at this early stage.

Any tips would be great. I am emotionally frigile at the moment so please don't hit me too hard

Thanks
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


I would say first of all you really have to look within your self and figure out what you really want... Not to conserve the satus quo but for yourself. Do you want to stay with her for your kid or for you, because you love her.

Once you figure this out and really get in touch with the deep voice that know what you want and what to do about it, just go for it. If she is not happy in this maybe you are not but convincing yourself that this is how you want it to be. If you know for sure you can't loose her than make her feel it... Make her feel that this is more important than anything.

I don't think that confronting the guys is a good option cause if she decided to move on, their is nothing you can tell the guy to change that.

And keep communicating with her, this is the key. Not saying I am a matter at it but we all try our best.

I know you can do it! You just have to really beleive in what you really want.

Hope this helps
 Quoting: billyrisk 1597223


Thanks for your support - it's conforting to read words that speak for themselves, thoughts in the back of my mind that need clarification and you are spot on as this is the only way to deal with this.

Thanks again
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15770115
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 01:59 PM
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Re: Need your advice
My wife is telling me that she is not proud of me and she looking for the man she can be proud of.

I stopped reading after this (genuinely).

Try expand your horizons. I know times are hard but try find a niché in the market and go for it.

Maybe study some more or learn a new trade.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15780059
Germany
05/09/2012 02:00 PM
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Re: Need your advice
she might be looking for a guy with better spelling skills, maybe?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15770115
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:02 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Sorry I take back my statement about stopping reading.

This sounds like a terrible story.

I'm sure a farmers pigs would be happy to eat him. (you get my drift)
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15776217
United States
05/09/2012 02:03 PM
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Re: Need your advice
She pretty much drew the line in the sand and said she IS looking. Time to concentrate on a civil break and keeping your daughter a number one priority. Good luck!!
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:05 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Sorry I take back my statement about stopping reading.

This sounds like a terrible story.

I'm sure a farmers pigs would be happy to eat him. (you get my drift)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15770115


Thanks mate for the support
The things is that he might not be aware yet because they are supposed to concider each other bruv and sis - I may be completely wrong on this but got a serious bad feeling..
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:06 PM
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Re: Need your advice
She pretty much drew the line in the sand and said she IS looking. Time to concentrate on a civil break and keeping your daughter a number one priority. Good luck!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15776217


I am worried that is the case - Looking at your comment kills me even more and you are probably right - what a crap week it has been..
Thanks buddy

Last Edited by nibiru2012planetx on 05/09/2012 02:07 PM
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15411618
United States
05/09/2012 02:09 PM
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Re: Need your advice
your wife sounds like a narcissistic biaaatch

just sayin
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:10 PM
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Re: Need your advice
She pretty much drew the line in the sand and said she IS looking. Time to concentrate on a civil break and keeping your daughter a number one priority. Good luck!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15776217


She actualy said that she was going to look
I am going to look for someone...

That it make a difference in terms of her mind not 100% off me yet? and concidering my attempts to get a second chance?
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
billyrisk
User ID: 1597223
Canada
05/09/2012 02:10 PM
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Re: Need your advice
My wife is telling me that she is not proud of me and she looking for the man she can be proud of.
We've had 17 years together and have a beautiful daughter of 8. We've had our ups and downs like other couples but most often she was on my case for not being the man/farther she want me to be. I don't dring but smoke. I kept telling her that she's got to accept me for the way I am and also shouldn't interfer with our daughter but we were always argu on that and carried on a normal relationship. Oh and BTW, I've always been faithful to her and never looked around. Always be there financialy etc...

Without warning or pre-discussion about how she feels she blently told last week that she's decided that she was going to look for another man who can make happy and have another baby with. She wants to break up.
I've told her that I am prepared to make changes in my life to give what she wants and to give me a second chance to prouve that what matters is my family above any personal needs, habbits etc.. Even therapy is a la carte to look into my chilwood and fix old broken paths in my soul.

We communicate and talk about this issue a lot as I am not accepting my faith and she knows that I won't go down without a fight (figure of speech) - Unfortunately, there is a guy that she's known seen they were teens and went out with him at one point. Anyway, this guys keeps coming back into the picture and has what she's looking for (I guess). I know him but don't have any confirmation as to why I've got a bad feeling about him.

What do I do?
Back off or fight for what's matters?
Find out what's really going on with this other guy without being too open about it?
If my gutt feel is correct - do I talk to him and ask him to back off until I get my problem sorted?

I don't have anyone to talk too as I wouldn't want our friends to know at this early stage.

Any tips would be great. I am emotionally frigile at the moment so please don't hit me too hard

Thanks
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


I would say first of all you really have to look within your self and figure out what you really want... Not to conserve the satus quo but for yourself. Do you want to stay with her for your kid or for you, because you love her.

Once you figure this out and really get in touch with the deep voice that know what you want and what to do about it, just go for it. If she is not happy in this maybe you are not but convincing yourself that this is how you want it to be. If you know for sure you can't loose her than make her feel it... Make her feel that this is more important than anything.

I don't think that confronting the guys is a good option cause if she decided to move on, their is nothing you can tell the guy to change that.

And keep communicating with her, this is the key. Not saying I am a matter at it but we all try our best.

I know you can do it! You just have to really beleive in what you really want.

Hope this helps
 Quoting: billyrisk 1597223


Thanks for your support - it's conforting to read words that speak for themselves, thoughts in the back of my mind that need clarification and you are spot on as this is the only way to deal with this.

Thanks again
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


You are really welcome. I know this is not giving you the answer but I am sure that it is confirming what you knew you had to do. Anyway, I don't have the answers as I have a wife too and we too have our ups and downs. At the end of the day, what matters is what you REALLY want (not what the society or family or whatever wants). If it comes from the heart she will listen and reflect on it. Once you know what to do, just do it without fear, don't look back...

Glad I could help. Good luck!
sunspotkiller

User ID: 1332188
United States
05/09/2012 02:11 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Sounds like she fell out of love with you and doesn't know how to say it. Has nothing to do with your daughter. From your description your wife sounds like and a$$hole. 17 years is a long time. Might be time for a change. Wishing you good luck!
sunspotkiller

When you judge someone else, It doesn't define who they are, It defines who you are. Be love!

“Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.”
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:11 PM
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Re: Need your advice
she might be looking for a guy with better spelling skills, maybe?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15780059


no she's looking for the perfect guy that is sensitive
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15411618
United States
05/09/2012 02:12 PM
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Re: Need your advice
She pretty much drew the line in the sand and said she IS looking. Time to concentrate on a civil break and keeping your daughter a number one priority. Good luck!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15776217


She actualy said that she was going to look
I am going to look for someone...

That it make a difference in terms of her mind not 100% off me yet? and concidering my attempts to get a second chance?
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


The ones who lose in the land of immaturity is the children

too bad you had a kid
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:12 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Sounds like she fell out of love with you and doesn't know how to say it. Has nothing to do with your daughter. From your description your wife sounds like and a$$hole. 17 years is a long time. Might be time for a change. Wishing you good luck!
 Quoting: sunspotkiller


Exactly my point, why wait all this time?
I din't fucking see it coming
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1366745
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:13 PM
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Re: Need your advice
What a stupid bitch
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 2566322
United States
05/09/2012 02:14 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Why does she say she is not proud of you? Is it just because you smoke? Or is money tight? Can't afford another baby?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15411618
United States
05/09/2012 02:21 PM
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Re: Need your advice
She pretty much drew the line in the sand and said she IS looking. Time to concentrate on a civil break and keeping your daughter a number one priority. Good luck!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15776217


She actualy said that she was going to look
I am going to look for someone...

That it make a difference in terms of her mind not 100% off me yet? and concidering my attempts to get a second chance?
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


The ones who lose in the land of immaturity is the children

too bad you had a kid

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15411618
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:25 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Why does she say she is not proud of you? Is it just because you smoke? Or is money tight? Can't afford another baby?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 2566322


Thanks for asking

Money is not a problem.
I believe that all these years she's always wanted me to be a certain way and I felt that she wanted to change me - In general I don't like to be told waht to do and do have strong opinions about stuff. I am not the type to be ordered around if you see what I mean. So, I guess not having achieved this, without proper warning she's decided to push me out.
Creazy because a week before the drama, she was telling about stuff like; "I am the love of your life etc..."

Fuck sake, it's painful to right about that but I guess it also has an element of therapy

Last Edited by nibiru2012planetx on 05/09/2012 02:35 PM
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 02:27 PM
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Re: Need your advice
She pretty much drew the line in the sand and said she IS looking. Time to concentrate on a civil break and keeping your daughter a number one priority. Good luck!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15776217


She actualy said that she was going to look
I am going to look for someone...

That it make a difference in terms of her mind not 100% off me yet? and concidering my attempts to get a second chance?
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


The ones who lose in the land of immaturity is the children

too bad you had a kid

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15411618

 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15411618


My daughter is precious to me and we get on so well so in that respect, she's always be safe. We are concious about the all situation and very carefull
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15464787
United States
05/09/2012 02:38 PM
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Re: Need your advice
I think this may not pass the Psychopath stink test.

From Zero disease to 100% disease this one sounds like maybe a 50-50?

Brush up you your Pathology for the Psychopath, the Sociopath, the Megalomaniac, the Malignant.

There is NO KNOWN TREATMENT for these disorders, these disorded individuals are conning, manipulative, controlling, and intelligent.

This may be a Female Psychopath.

The creature has USED YOU, and now it is DONE with YOU.

Walk away. the creature may be plotting to completely destroy you? (They "GET OFF" on destroying normal folks.)
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 03:22 PM
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Re: Need your advice
I think this may not pass the Psychopath stink test.

From Zero disease to 100% disease this one sounds like maybe a 50-50?

Brush up you your Pathology for the Psychopath, the Sociopath, the Megalomaniac, the Malignant.

There is NO KNOWN TREATMENT for these disorders, these disorded individuals are conning, manipulative, controlling, and intelligent.

This may be a Female Psychopath.

The creature has USED YOU, and now it is DONE with YOU.

Walk away. the creature may be plotting to completely destroy you? (They "GET OFF" on destroying normal folks.)
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15464787


That's a good one!

Thanks

Last Edited by nibiru2012planetx on 05/09/2012 03:22 PM
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 03:27 PM
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Re: Need your advice
My wife is telling me that she is not proud of me and she looking for the man she can be proud of.
We've had 17 years together and have a beautiful daughter of 8. We've had our ups and downs like other couples but most often she was on my case for not being the man/farther she want me to be. I don't dring but smoke. I kept telling her that she's got to accept me for the way I am and also shouldn't interfer with our daughter but we were always argu on that and carried on a normal relationship. Oh and BTW, I've always been faithful to her and never looked around. Always be there financialy etc...

Without warning or pre-discussion about how she feels she blently told last week that she's decided that she was going to look for another man who can make happy and have another baby with. She wants to break up.
I've told her that I am prepared to make changes in my life to give what she wants and to give me a second chance to prouve that what matters is my family above any personal needs, habbits etc.. Even therapy is a la carte to look into my chilwood and fix old broken paths in my soul.

We communicate and talk about this issue a lot as I am not accepting my faith and she knows that I won't go down without a fight (figure of speech) - Unfortunately, there is a guy that she's known seen they were teens and went out with him at one point. Anyway, this guys keeps coming back into the picture and has what she's looking for (I guess). I know him but don't have any confirmation as to why I've got a bad feeling about him.

What do I do?
Back off or fight for what's matters?
Find out what's really going on with this other guy without being too open about it?
If my gutt feel is correct - do I talk to him and ask him to back off until I get my problem sorted?

I don't have anyone to talk too as I wouldn't want our friends to know at this early stage.

Any tips would be great. I am emotionally frigile at the moment so please don't hit me too hard

Thanks
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


I would say first of all you really have to look within your self and figure out what you really want... Not to conserve the satus quo but for yourself. Do you want to stay with her for your kid or for you, because you love her.

Once you figure this out and really get in touch with the deep voice that know what you want and what to do about it, just go for it. If she is not happy in this maybe you are not but convincing yourself that this is how you want it to be. If you know for sure you can't loose her than make her feel it... Make her feel that this is more important than anything.

I don't think that confronting the guys is a good option cause if she decided to move on, their is nothing you can tell the guy to change that.

And keep communicating with her, this is the key. Not saying I am a matter at it but we all try our best.

I know you can do it! You just have to really beleive in what you really want.

Hope this helps
 Quoting: billyrisk 1597223


Thanks for your support - it's conforting to read words that speak for themselves, thoughts in the back of my mind that need clarification and you are spot on as this is the only way to deal with this.

Thanks again
 Quoting: nibiru2012planetx


You are really welcome. I know this is not giving you the answer but I am sure that it is confirming what you knew you had to do. Anyway, I don't have the answers as I have a wife too and we too have our ups and downs. At the end of the day, what matters is what you REALLY want (not what the society or family or whatever wants). If it comes from the heart she will listen and reflect on it. Once you know what to do, just do it without fear, don't look back...

Glad I could help. Good luck!
 Quoting: billyrisk 1597223


Cheers, really appreciate your comments..
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1389579
United States
05/09/2012 03:40 PM
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Re: Need your advice
what a twat....tell her to fuck off
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

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United Kingdom
05/09/2012 03:59 PM
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Re: Need your advice
what a twat....tell her to fuck off
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1389579


I fucking nearly did the first night when she told me...
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 15100167
United States
05/09/2012 04:04 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Shits doneski broseph. Cut your loses and keep the relationship civil. Once you find your balls again she will want you back, but you won't want her back at that point.
Funny how things work.
Cheops

User ID: 1341645
United States
05/09/2012 04:07 PM

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Re: Need your advice
I doubt she is looking for someone else. The reality is she has probably already found someone else.
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 04:20 PM
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Re: Need your advice
I doubt she is looking for someone else. The reality is she has probably already found someone else.
 Quoting: Cheops


Houch!!!
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
nibiru2012planetx  (OP)

User ID: 14807377
United Kingdom
05/09/2012 04:21 PM
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Re: Need your advice
Shits doneski broseph. Cut your loses and keep the relationship civil. Once you find your balls again she will want you back, but you won't want her back at that point.
Funny how things work.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15100167


Thanks dude
This is the time of each individual recognizing their own identity as an expression of the essential Divine and the same for all others. This is a time of personal responsibility and personal authority, of becoming aware of oneself as the choice maker of our experience.
sunspotkiller

User ID: 1332188
United States
05/09/2012 04:23 PM
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Re: Need your advice
You'll be fine!

Best revenge is living well.

Live Well & spend lots of quality time with your daughter.
sunspotkiller

When you judge someone else, It doesn't define who they are, It defines who you are. Be love!

“Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much.”





GLP