Enablers Corner

My younger brother is 49, he has been a drunk for years...now its extreme, he lies, cheats, steals to get booze. He rips off our 79 year old Dad for gas money and drives straight to a beer store. Today I gave him a 15 dollar phone card (we are learning not to give cash) He never used the card and I wonder if he took it back to a store for a refund. Oh man...its so extreme his addiction.
He could not stay off booze to stay at my brothers home (he is homeless)
He lasted 3 days.

Any kindred spirits to discuss this tonight? I am so helpless to this addiction.
I have been thinking of joining al-anon

You brother needs to hit bottom....Unfortunately hitting bottom is hard to do with family and government enabling.

Alcohol enabled me tonight.

I'm an addict. Opiates now, in the past cocaine. Had some pretty dark days. I am blessed to have a great family that helps me in any way. Whatever happens friend, know this, it is not a weakness.

He has lost a marriage, a long term girlfriend, his kids and is now homeless
and I even have his little dachshund here with me. I don't know how much deeper he can go before he hits bottom.

I'm quite eniberated.

Cartel, how do you mean its not a weakness?

LOL Ireland...

Will any kind soul enable me to have another snort?

Go ahead and have one so long as you are not an alcoholic.

Its hard to explain, the best I have heard is imagine trying to live without air, now think of something worse. Its not that your brother wants to do these things, he has too. Addiction messes with our brains, it makes us make irrational decisions. Now no doubt he is to blame, but it is because he has a disease. A disease that must be treated.

Like someone above me said, (ironic) he has to hit rock bottom. He has to want to change.

Yes, that is a good description Cartel, he seems to think its like air.
He is not out of sight for more than thirty seconds before he is gone to a beer store.

I'm sorry for your situation. But please, never give up on him.

My other brother beat him up two weeks ago for upsetting my Dad and taking dad's money to drink. I have been driven to the breaking point with him even.
I am the least violent person you could imagine. He has even driven me a five foot nothing woman - to punching him square in the face. He showed up at my house drunk at noon and would have upset my daughter if I had not headed him off at the pass. He is driving his car on major highways that drunk to get to my house as well. He thinks he can drive perfectly when he is drunk.

Sometimes people deserve an asswhoopin

Oh but I am friend, Oh but I am.

Get help Irish, before your family feels the wrath of this addiction. We are tortured!

drug addict here. al anon would help you and your family learn about the science and relationship aspect of addiction, but it won't help your brother in the least. there is one way for him to get help, and he won't be able to do it alone. he must submit himself to a treatment center. while there, it will allow his body to detox under medical care, and the counselors will teach him about the nature of addiction. i went to rehab and learned an incredible amount about myself that i would not have otherwise. i was amazed at what i learned, because i was already quite learned...i did the college route and have worked in skilled fields for a long time. rehab, however, is able to teach even the smartest of the smart a thing or two about themselves. there is a science to recovery, and help is available. it is extremely important, especially in the case of alcohol, not to detox without medical care. strangely, your family SHOULD NOT insist that he stop drinking, as that could bring about a GRAND MAL seizure. he should maintain his alcohol use until he gets in treatment.

understand this. there is no choice for an addict/alcoholic, which are both the same thing. they are chemically-dependant. they need drugs and or alcohol to function. that's why treatment and detox are necessary. after that step, the choice of using or not using then becomes a reality. don't buy in to the disease notion. if that helps someone get clean initially, then so be it. it helped me. but i realized after a good deal of clean time that there was no disease involved and that drugs just caused me to be selfishly hedonistic. 12 steps work for some, but there are other long-term routes to maintaining sobriety. i'm clean consistently, have not relapsed (which is a sanitized word to avoid responsibility for one's actions that 12 step programs have come up with), and i don't do the 12 step route.

your bro has good days ahead of him if he'll go to treatment and not use upon his release. bright days are ahead. i know of many many many many former druggies and alkis that enjoy life to the fullest today. i am one.

Thank you addicto. That is giving me a bit of hope. I never thought about him having a seizure but I suppose so. He will never admit himself to treatment.
We were hopeful about six years ago when he went into treatment at Homewood,
which here in Ontario is said to be a world renowned facility. He lived there for a while and made progress, then checked himself out before the program was done and went back to his old ways.

Brother, it is killing me slowly, I enjoy the buzz but I have lost control. :( I don't want to disappoint my family any more. I am also agoraphobic so I find it really hard to be in AA. Being serious, Alcoholism is hell and wants me dead. I love you all and hope I can get help before it consumes me forever.

Sorry for making a joke of a serious disease. :(

I have God in my life Bro and he helps supernaturally lift the obsession but I keep giving in to the temptations of the Devil because I am a fool.

I have a dual diagnosis. Severe social anxiety disorder and alcoholism/drug addiction. So many blessings in my life but I am losing this war unfortunately.

Don't give up hope. You can do it. I have Irish roots and I know the Irish enjoy the drink. My grandmother was from Belfast and she grew up in an abusive home
with drunks. She said there is never happiness where there is drinking. The older I get, (now 50) the more I see what she meant. Cheer up! I will pray for you.

one thing i've noticed with addicts and the recovery process is that they need something hopeful to look forward to during their actual stay at a treatment facility. most people there have hit bottom in one way or another and have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to look forward to upon leaving rehab. if you were an addict, and had nothing to look forward to after leaving, why would you maintain your sobriety? or why would you stay to begin with?

treatment must be voluntary. the person must want to go. i voluntarily went. i asked to go, i wasn't forced. treatment centers will also facilitate help afterwards. this prevents people from simply leaving and returning to old haunts and triggers that will bring about using and drinking.

after treatment, i immediately went to live in an Oxford house. you can google it. these homes are not halfway houses. everyone is voluntarily there. you are not "on paper" with the state. the homes are completely normal...you just have roommates that are formerly alkis and druggies. they provide both stability and accountability. you must pay rent. you must work. you must not use. those are the only rules.

Maybe AA could be accessed on line and that would be better for you,
with your social anxiety?

When you say their is a science to recovery, you are correct somewhat,the science to recuvery is very misconstrued. Some Dr. Say addiction is a disease, others will defy that idea. Some Dr. will insist that rehab and twelve step programs are the best cure, many scholars will defy that. It is the addicts themselves who will have the best plan once he is clean . But first the patient will need to be completely off booze. Entered into a detox program. But when discussing addiction, always remember to study a variety of sciences.

I will try to keep those points in mind addicto if he ever checks in to re hab again. To help have something to look forward to when he gets out. Good point.