What does this mean: My husband's Twitter Account is followed by 6 dating sites

word on the street is he is running one of the biggest amateur internet porn sites there is and he is banging them chicks left and right.

Very wise. I'm a male in my mid forties and could not fathom why my other half would go to a bar of all places. Nothing ever good comes from staying out late in a bar. We teach our children that because it's true.

Having separate interests is great and having down time is good as well. As long as it is an interest in a hobby or something. Not spending time in a bar with strangers.

Also, if there is a communication break down, something is wrong. It smells bad to me.

You know in your heart what you need to do OP. Good luck.

To answer the question directly.

You get followed by automatic scripts based in the people you follow or the things you tweet.

Yeah, I think we have all come to the consensus that it's not his fault people are following him but that everything else he is doing is suspicious and not healthy for the relationship..


So what are you going to do OP - take my advice, wait and see and plan? You already tried communicating with him so that is really all you can do short of just leaving right now which MIGHT not be merited.

thank you

yes, that is what I really have to do, although my heart is not in it

some very good input here, which I appreciate

This is a beautiful post...very honest and heartfelt

I appreciate your sharing your experience with me

I really didn't want to think that anything that bad is going on, but reading input from men, from husbands, saying that the sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach is not without basis, is good, even if it isn't what I wanted to hear

Not long ago there was a poster who was having a hard time getting by and someone suggested he find a wealthy woman and (excuse the bluntness) "lick her" like she was a gorgeous woman and marry her and things would be fine. Sorry but his expression.
Point being, men sometimes prey on loving, working, stable women to support them. My first husband lost his job, was on unemployment until they finally paid for his retraining. He studied a new field of work and then still didn't seem to be able to find a job. He got into porn and "kinky" stuff in his spare time. Finally when he was mad at me once he told me he deserved the time off since he had worked hard all his life. Imagine how I felt. I've worked hard all my life too, and he wasn't looking for work. Finally I pushed the envelope and made him get a job. He hated me for that, became resentful and treated me badly. Finally one day he told me he wanted to "date" other women. (His meal ticket revolted)
When I went to a counselor, the counselor advised me, "He says he loves you, but how is he treating you?"
Is it love, OP that you are feeling from him? Is he enriching your life and giving you joy? Does he spend alot of time or any time, thinking about how you feel?
You have alot of years left in your life, is this how you want to spend them? Do you feel his equal or subservient? What are you paying for in this relationship, food, housing, bills? You can pay for alot less without dragging his abusive hunk with you. And, you could begin to spend time enjoying things you like and maybe even find some company that you enjoy more. Forget the guilt, he proves he should be single by the way he wants to spend his time.
Seek out a counselor and get some real advice. Have a better day. You deserve the best. You work hard. You are a great person to have endured all of this in the name of love. My ex married an older woman who "keeps" him and he doesn't work and hasn't for years. Dahhhhhh.

thank you so much

I have to answer "no" to those questions

when I was driving up to Maine to see my family, I called him once at midnight, asking for his help to find something on the computer

he yelled at me as if I had inconvenienced him the worst way, and grudgingly helped me find my location. When I cried at his reaction, he began to scream at me and told me he had to scream in order to get through to me

He has never been like this...its as if someone else took over his body

but no, he spends no time wondering what I would want or need, what might help make my day easier. All he does is make it clear the time he spends with me is an inconvenience taking away from his valuable time at the office, or sleeping or carousing

I guess I keep hoping the old him will reappear

today I asked him 3 times to do the household budget with me

that would require him sharing his paystubs with me as well as as the bills

he wouldn't answer the question, despite 6 sweet attempts to set a date

I said: hey, how can I help? I used to teach Excel, I worked for Citibank and Booz Allen, I know how to do a spreadsheet, can I get started doing this?

So far, still no response as to a date. All he says is he needs to do his taxes, and he can't even think about the household budget

How can you do the taxes (sole proprietor) wihout doing a budget?

Anyway, I contacted 3 divorce attorneys here in town in order to get a preliminary consultation

I really hate the idea of resorting to a lawyer to get info which I have a right to know after 20 years of marriage, after helping him find this job and negotiating his salary for 2x what they originally offered

but I gotta admit, I do this with a heavy heart. I know the minute I have to resort to a lawyer's phone call to find out this basic info, his perennial threat of "I'm moving out..." will become reality

i am signing it to tell you that everyone who said it was him cheating was right

I calmly confronted him the morning after he promised to meet me for dinner but never showed after he had texted excuse after excuse about having to stay late at work

he then said he wants the right to go "carousing" on Friday night, and when I pressed, he said that means to go meet people to fuck

when I told him I can be happy to give him all kinds of freedom but not that one, he blew up

SEE? SEE? I ask for something and you won't let me have it...

The final straw was this past Saturday night when he had promised to do better...but left after lunch saying he had to help do a server migration

at 9pm, I went out to dinner by myself, and his texts to me got snarkier and glib

I asked him if he was coming him, and he responded "DUH!"

then he told me to relax and trust him, he would be home

at 1:57 am he texted me he could "see daylght" (sp)

I asked what???

the next I heard was a text at 6;50 that he had overslept and would explain all when he saw me

which was finally around 12 noon when he told me he had met a woman he had met before in a bar, and had gone to fuck her

great huh?

To all those who said the man was up to no good, you were 100% correct

to the others who said he left the marriage a while ago, again, painful but true

this is the saddest thing that I've had to do: admit defeat on a relationship that I have put years into

but it is impossible to make someone join you when their mind is elsewhere

I wish I could tell him that this illusion of finding perfection over the fence, of finding perfection in a new body, that it usually ends up with the realization that wherever we go - we take ourselves, our issues, our own flaws...the same flaws which helped destroy our previous loves

so sad tonight... :(

I am a woman, and I got on twitter only to follow news sites and things like that...not friendly chat. Some of the first people that started 'following' me were sleezy women. My screen name is something that suggests I am a woman. I have no idea why they are following me because I don't say much of anything since I'm mostly reading.

I wouldn't get upset about it if I were you. I don't think it means anything. It's sort of like how everyone gets spam in their email box from dating sites.

I caught someone with this.....simply awesome! You can even download it. Time to wake up and get the facts.

[link to www.spectorsoft.com]

So sorry OP. However it is for the best that you know.

Can you imagine speanding more years going through this?

He won't respect you and you won't respect yourself.

You need to make sure that whatever happens you can look in the mirror. It was over before you found out. He is a creep and in a few years you will be in a different life with all this behind you.

However you feel inside make sure you stand tall outside. Do what YOU would advise a friend to do in the same circumstances. Act it until it is true for you. I wish you the very best of luck and a very happy future without the shitbag.

OP, I am sorry to hear about it.

From the beginning I knew that either he is cheating or is planning to do it soon. It wasn’t only the Tweeter issue but his behavior changes and lies. Men would never admit to cheating and would even swear on their mothers grave that it’s not true. Looks to me like he met this other woman sometime ago and from your posts I suspect (forgive me, please) that he may be even in love with her. However, sometimes men mistake love with sex... Probably he wants to moved out and be with her. It may be the reason why he finally told you about her. Otherwise, he would continue to use her for sex and lay to you just to keep the family life.

It wouldn’t surprise me if he gives you soon an ultimatum, either you let him stay home and cheat or he is moving out. It’s up to you what you are going to do and no one should judge you. With time he may come to his senses and be begging you for forgiveness on his knees but it may be a very long time. The brain reacts to “in love” for two and sometimes even three years. Right now his brain is in a cloud No. 9 and he is not thinking straight. The question is, do you want to live with that rat under the same roof and support him financially?

I would be concerned about your finances. If he is not such a good lover then he probably is spending money on the other woman to please her, and if he is not working where are the money coming from? For the first time he doesn’t want to do together taxes with you and it should be a red light. Is he borrowing under your name or re-mortgaged house without your knowledge which shouldn’t happen but unfortunately is possible. What are your assets like home value, bonds, etc. You have to think now about your and your children future and to get most of your marriage financially, you need a private eye to have the dirty stuff on him and a good lawyer. Keep in mind that attorneys are costly so keep their hours down or you may be lucky to find one who would accept your case on contingency fees.

Good luck and remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

interesting read..

what can be said about husbands job loss and timing of start of new behaviour... mans role is breadwinner in house, take that away from him, he's nothing.. he feels powerless.. not excusing or condoning his behaviour..

i was blown away by these twitter ladies, first i saw this stuff in japan - technology being used to get people together.. it seems it's been "modified" a little for the western people

days gone by a lady might carouse a bar, solicit drinks and maybe go home with someone.. seems like burnt out angry female writers are now advertising on the twitter their willingness to "put out" for free drinks?

two "destitute" embittered polarities are now sending out a lonely broadcast out into the universe and they find eachother...

all facilitated by these "social" networks

i'd have a talk with your hubby, sit him down and explain this stuff to him, make him aware of his situation and that you're also aware of it... it seems like you're willing to help him out of this rut, and that's very nice of you.. betrayal is hard to deal with. you must be a well adjusted soul to take this onboard. i tip my hat to you.

if he doesn't come around, start flirting back with some guys.. someone out there is going to treat you right, believe that.

If he has an account with a site such as Adult Friend Finder he could be getting all sorts of twitter spam.

I signed up for it once out of curiosity. I had no intentions of using the service to meet anyone because hooking up with strangers is not my thing. Boy am I sorry I did that. My curiosity was not worth the constant email and twitter spam.

It did, however, make me very aware of the great number of people who want sex without a relationship, and it kind of made me sad. Some of the messages I received were kind of scary.

I think some people use it as porn since you can post pics if you belong.

Don't be surprised if it's a porn thing. In fact, your description of his behavior made me think "porn addiction" right away.

I have never married though If you just ask him maybe he will tell you the truth . All you must do is look him in the eyes to see it or have a well trained loyal Mastiff to sense what is going on. Just ask OP what is not to gain may even help ya clairify whats going on ...

Most know the answer, to the obvious. Sometimes, the pain of the truth is so much, that one reaches out and tries to find other reasoning.

It's simple math OP.

Good luck to you through this time

Pretty dense are ya? Tell me you're not a blonde and I will eat my shorts ;)

Op I'm a firm believer in if your significant other is cheating it means you are not putting out enough. If this is the case there ya go, he is cheating but the blame is not 100% his. The only girls I have been with that I have cheated on have been the ones where sex starts happening once or twice a week. Start some Bj's and more sex and he won't want to cheat anymore. Wnt have a reason to.

Why she should do it to that lazy cheating hubby whom she supports financially? To get some sexually transmitted disease?! He is the one who should be kissing her feet and asking for forgiveness!!

what kind of fag has a twitter account? is he 12?

your husband is a member of a gay porn website, he watches anal sex with other man when you are not at home.

go pray to allah now !

lol. this jackoff never had a woman, besides the one he inflates every nite.

Please get divorced over twitter, that would be hilarious.

Means he likes blow jobs

hes prolly not cheating but bored as fuck of a homely dowdy wife

sorry to hear this OP, my partner & mother of my child also lost interest in our relationship. slightly different as she was honest up front about it before she hooked up with another guy..

had to pack my bags and leave.

that was a shitty day...

but 6 months on, im happy again, dating again & back in the swing of things & kinda glad we split.

not ideal for our daughter, but its working out & we have a amicable relationship based our daughter.

soon you will look back on this time and be glad you got that asshole out of your life.

look after yourself, get your friends & family around you & know that it'll take a bit of time to heal from this sadness.

all the best!

OP, I am so sorry to hear that he has confirmed his cheating. I was going to the end of the post to give you my opinion...that yes indeed, sounds like he's cheating.
My ex and I split after 8 years when I busted him cheating. We had a 1 year old daughter at the time. I know your pain...this too shall pass.
I am remarried and 1000X happier with my new husband. Things will get better. <3