Another story I wrote based on an actual news item. Never say these things don't happen, they do, well.. maybe
Marital dutiesAACHEN (Reuters / RTR) - A 44-year-old woman from Aachen, Germany, called the police in the night of Wednesday to Thursday because her husband (45) for months had failed to fulfill his marital duties, a police spokesman said Thursday. The man and the woman were sleeping in separate beds already for several months and had no intimate contact. The woman allegedly woke her husband up in the middle of the night and demanded sex. When the man did not comply and pretended to be asleep, she called the police. The officers could not do much with the unusual complaint because they could find no actual offense, said the spokesman.
Some news item! I always try to picture a situation like that and imagine what that couple must look like. The wife, Brunhilde, six feet eight, 300 pounds, is standing next to his bed at half past two at night in her just too tight yellow fluorescent latex outfit for and pokes him firmly in the ribs:
"Helmut! Wake up! I am horny, I want it!" Her husband, Helmut, five feet two, 120 pounds, slightly balding, who just drifted away in a wet dream home video with Paris Hilton, mutters something inaudible. Brunhilde loses her temper:
"Helmut I will say it only once!! I gots the hots, I want it! NOW! Wake up!!" And to fortify her words, Brunhilde pokes him firmly in the ribs again with the handle of the whip that matches her outfit. Helmut slowly wakes up with a dazed look in his eyes, sees his wife standing there, imagines that he somewhere in that wet dream with Paris Hilton has taken a wrong revolving door and now ended up in Norman Bates' guest house instead and thinks to himself:
"Shiiiit, not again!" He jumps out of bed, bangs his head hard against the bedroom wall in full consciousnes and shouts in total dispair:
"Please Brunhilde Schatz! Not now, I have a splitting headache!" She cracks her whip and comes after him fiercely growling, he manages somehow to dodge her and makes a run through the bedroom. Half an hour goes by like that, resulting in leaving Helmut out of breath, Brunhilde without her climax and the neighbors across the street with a pleasant distraction, because the curtains are not closed.
Brunhilde, totally desperate, then calls the police and thus at 3 am, the married couple sits in the living room with two officers, who themselves do not know how to deal with this strange crisis, so they decide to call for the help of their sexuology counselor.
Ten minutes later, a German Virginia E. Johnson is on their doorstep. She sits on the couch between the bickering spouses and lets Helmut first tell his side of the story:
"You know, when we were first married, it was all new and hot. There were no limits, it was all so exciting. But then she brought the feathers!" "Feathers?" Virginia asks with a surprised look
"To be honest, that can be very erotic." "Yes I agree!" Helmut roars
"One feather, I can see that being erotic! But Brunhilde wanted the whole chicken!" "Oh my goodness!" Virginia exclaims
"A whole chicken? That is not erotic, that's kinky!" Helmut nods vigorously:
"That picture of that screeching feathered creature is forever impressed in my memory and ever since that moment I just can not get it up anymore." He casts an anxious look towards Brunhilde who spits at him:
"Kinky? What the fuck Helmut. Kinky? And what about you and your Big Bird outfit, like there are no feathers on that suit. To be honest, you looked ridiculous in it, you were just like an oversized canary, in terms of spilling seed!"Virginia tries to calm down the situation and turns back to Helmut:
".. So you have trouble getting it up? Well, nothing to be ashamed of really. Did you ever think about using something like Viagra?" He nods hesitantly:
"We have tried it, but I do not like it at all. Viagra is just like Disneyland in high season to me, waiting for two hours for a three minute ride."A moment of silence fills the living room and then they alll burst out laughing. The tension appears to be broken for that night and Virginia jokes a bit,
"Hmm, Big Bird eh? I guess you then also must have Sesame seed?" There is laughter again and after a few comments back and forth they make a new appointment. Brunhilde shows Virginia and the officers out the door, while Helmut stays behind in the living room, somewhat more at ease. And just when he closes his eyes, smiling, in a rush of silent satisfaction, he hears Brunhilde ask:
"Uhm officer, those handcuffs, do you still need them tonight ?"The sound of breaking glass shatters the German night and while a cold winter breeze blows through the living room, Brunhilde desperately yells through the hole in the window:
"Helmut, Helmut, get back here!! What happened to fulfilling your marital duties??"
Last Edited by InterMezzo on 01/08/2017 03:49 PM
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really did not want Monday to come! i haven't even looked outside yet lol sipping on my second affogato
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Hi Elly : )
