(Before reading I would like to note that 1. this is lengthy, I apologize about that, but I felt it was time I told my love story so I could finally move on, and 2. this love story may not be the happiest of all love stories)

I was a sophomore in college when I met him at the library, where he sat across from me and striked up a conversation about high school and how he noticed we have a math class together. We ended up talking for hours, and as the library drew near closing time, I didn’t want to leave as I was having the best conversation of my life with this handsome, brilliant, and extravagant man.

Very quickly we became friends. He moved seats to sit next to me in every class, we had “study dates” every Tuesday and Thursday, he kept me company in my dorm room while my roommate was with her boyfriend, he texted me one random joke a day when I was in math class because he knew I hated math and needed a pick me up. He became my best friend, and soon enough I realized I was falling in love with him.

In our junior year of college we decided to move in together. We weren’t dating, we were still best friends, and we didn’t see anything wrong with living together. Together we rented a beautiful apartment near campus, began styling it to our desire, and before I even realized our relationship had moved from friendship to something much deeper.

I had fallen in love with him, uncontrollably. He was the most brilliant man I’ve ever known, he had a witty sense of humor, he wasn’t quick to anger, he was kind and full of life and happiness.

I had fallen in love with my best friend.

A year passed and our relationship had only grown. We were almost never apart, we slept together (we slept in the same bed and we had sex), he had told me he had fallen in love with me, and I had fallen in love with him.

Near the end of our junior year of college he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I would have said no if I knew this would be the beginning of the end, but I had said yes because I loved him in every way, he was my best friend, and I forever wanted to be with him. Our relationship lasted a while, and it was the happiest few months of my life. We were so full of life and love, everybody knew we would one day get married.

But we never did get married.

The day of graduation I woke up excited and ready to start another chapter of my life with him, but instead I woke up to a note on the refrigerator that read, “It’s been an amazing three years with you, but after today I wish to never see you again. You’re an addiction, Jane, and I can no longer love what I’m addicted to.”

Graduation was not as exciting as it was supposed to be.

I had been so in love with such an amazing person, but he couldn't love me like I had loved him.

For the next few years I was broken. I re-read all of our texts and love letters, I would write him e-mails but leave them in draft, I contemplated calling him every day, and whenever I met a new love interest all I thought of was him.

I would have never guessed a guy at the library would become my greatest happiness, and my worst downfall.

As time progressively went on I healed from heartbreak and was finally able to go on dates and hook up without thinking of him. I began dating again, I even fell in love again (but I couldn’t love them as much as I had loved him). Before I had even realized it I had stopped craving and longing for him, and I had moved on.

Four months ago I was going through my email and went to my drafts to find a hundred unsent e-mails, two were for former professors, ninety- eight of them were for him and included jokes, poems, and cries for his return. When I read them I had thought the feelings of love would rush back over me, but they never did because I had never stopped loving him.

It’s been seven years since I’ve last saw him, and though I don’t exactly know what he’s up to I heard he’s living in Colorado now, and he’s met somebody. I honestly wish I could say I was angry he’s met somebody new, but instead I’m happy for him, because he has forever deserved the absolute best.

But I deserve the best too, and maybe he wasn’t the best person for me, maybe the best person for me is still out there. Nevertheless, my love for him will forever, and always, remain.