NO ONE TO TELL YOUR TROUBLES TO?? GET THEM OFF YOUR CHEST HERE. WE PROMISE TO LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND.

^^ These!

At this point I'd seek wisdom anywhere I can find it, hell it is always nice to if nothing else get troubles off ones chest; so here goes.

I've been stuck in a rut since graduating college. Finding a job has been hard and the one good one I've gotten had to cut back due to the economy and is about to collapse. While I know what needs to be done it feels almost helpless.

My largest concern on my mind is my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 years, happy, living together and it was heading to marriage. I've felt some boredom but ignored it. Then I got to talking to a crush HS that I hadn't spoken to in 10 years after moving.

It was crazy to see a friends younger sister turn into a beautiful and smart young woman. The conversation didn't go long before she admitted she had feelings for me from before I'd moved, I admitted back that I'd felt the same and from there ensued a 4 hour non stop conversation (online) that's led me to wonder if I should investigate this situation further. As after the conversation it felt like 10 years had not separated the last time we spoke.

This old crush and I live 8 hours away from one another, so a visit is a bit much and if a relationship were pursued down the line someone would need a lifestyle change. Plus I have no intention of ripping my long time girlfriends heart out.

The most nagging part is I felt more spiritually connected to this old crush rather than my current gf. Which I can't really understand. Especially since I've always felt a connection to the Archangel Michael and her name is Michelle. (There are other examples of happenings leading up to talking to her that seem to tie into something relating to the Archangel as well, an oddity I admit but maybe someone will have some spiritual insight into this)

I have no intention of cheating or making a rash decision. I just merely want to proceed in the most cautious way to all parties involved.

Any advice given is appreciated.

Hi, Assasin!

If this crush weren't in your life right now, what do you think the situation would be with your girlfriend? Would it be bad enough to break off?

We're not break it off bad, but we are I guess you could call it "get back to basics".

Due to some family drama when we first started dating she moved in sorta quickly. I was fine with it, and still am, but we missed out on some of the ups and downs of normal dating due to it.

Good morning lovely souls, wishing you all a wonderful, happy, loving and loved day

Did you feel "forced" in some sort of way in the relationship you are in now, or feel trapped in any way?

I would say, that your main relationship deserves the most attention right now, being that you are both living together and have invested in it, right?

I think it's very normal these days for a lot of us to have relationship issues, and with social networking, it's very probable a lot of us have at one point or another run across old flames or exes.

How do you feel about talking with your partner about your current feelings about your relationship, or where your relationship might be going? Can you see being with the person you are with now, for the long-term?

I think the best thing for everyone, would probably be to shore up your boundaries. Don't give too much to this other relationship or extend yourself in that direction, without finishing what has been started in your primary one. If it is necessary to move on, I would do it, but only after your current relationship is dealt with and you both have an understanding. How do you feel about that course of action?

And same to you, Elemental! Your new avatar is adorable.

lol

I spoke to her briefly about it, and she seemed receptive. I have no problem in attempting to improve the situation in the relationship I am in, I owe that much to both her and I. The problem I have is knowing at what point after trying it is valid to walk away. My current girlfriend is my best friend, no doubt about that but sometimes it feels like a friend I live with and have sex with, if that makes any sense. I love her, and I know she loves me but I wonder if its a different sort of love than I'm wanting? I do feel invested to the point of semi feeling obligated to stay no matter what.

Thanks for the replies and advice.

My pleasure. <3

I know it's hard out there, and I think we are all almost at a point of being culturally conditioned to feel that relationships should be thrilling, long-term--that flood of chemicals we get early on with someone new, the rush. And if it's not there after a while in the relationship, something's not right.

I'm not saying this crush is not a suitable person for ya, you may have a very solid connection. But, in my experience, those initial rush feelings we get with someone new are there for a reason...to get us into the relationship, and from a biological perspective, to get us to mate and bond. There can be other components, sure, definitely. That hormonal surge may not last a few months beyond the initial get-together, though, and it is at that point where most of us "settle in" in some way, and other bonding chemicals take over.

I read something a very long time ago which I have always thought about, from a biology perspective...that in a lot of us it is hard-wired to be in a relationship long enough to potentially have and raise two children past the point of infancy. After four years, for many people, biologically it is a struggle to maintain fidelity or stay in a relationship. I don't believe it's 100% true, and there are exceptions, but I think it's just gotten harder in this day and age with many people feeling there is a smorgasbord of options out there to choose from in the relationship pool.

Best of luck!

That's an interesting point of view, one that certainly seems true today. For now I will focus on what I have and focus on a friendship and getting to know who my former flame is now.

Going forward I just want to be sure I am settling in, and not settling.

Understandable.

From my vacation paradise on the Gulf Coast of Florida. Keep up the good work everyone. DF

Greetings everyone, want to thank you all for responding to everyones posts and trying to help people in need of someone to talk to.
I posted on here a few days back before even reading the thread, about my dog Magni that was hit by a car last Tues. and ran off into the woods to presumably die. My husband and I both were filled with grief and I myself filled with remorse for letting him stay outside in the yard on a beautiful Fl afternoon when I knew he'd get out of the fence anyway. 4 nights went by, the first two evenings the temperature dropped into the 30's and my dog is short coated and I just knew he was dead, from at least being in shock out in the cold.
Well Sat morning my husband and I were lying in bed (we were supposed to have been on an anniversarry trip out of town but for some forces of nature we never left) I heard my shepherd girl Heidi yipping I high pitched bark like she does when Magni is on the opposite side of the fence from her and I lept from my bed and grabbed my housecoat to run outside and THERE HE WAS!!! A little thinner and a bit of road rash up and down his front legs, about 5 ticks on him and a big black smudge across his white back, but definitely OK looking!! It was a MIRACLE in my eyes and I received the best gift EVER for my anniversarry and that was getting my sweet baby Magni back!
The first thing he did when he walked in the house was eat some dogfood then shortly after that we took him by our vet's to let them give him a look over and they said he was going to be OK. I happen to be on vacation this week from work and for the last few days I've been nursing him back to his normal strength, giving him his favorite chicken livers in between his regular meals of Taste of the Wild.
I gave him a vet recommended hot bath Sat evening to keep his scrapes and minor injuries clean and on the mend. For a dog I just knew was dead, he sure looks like a million bucks!!
Thanks for all your support GLP,you all are the best!

Ps how do i post a picture?

Oh, honey!!!! I read your thread! I'm SO glad your little one came back home. Thanks so much for posting your news! I wish I could tell you how to post a pic. I'm sure the others know and will have an answer for you shortly. Please check back. I'd love to see your little one!!!

Great, remember I told you dogs are tough and not to give up so quick. Glad he is home. DF

Hi, 1283

Are you somewhere in your late teens, early twenties? I think it's pretty normal to feel some sense of inner conflict, or questioning sense of direction. Add to that, I know your school years may not have been similar to a lot of others, being in a home situation, and a transition to higher learning may be a little more involved, depending on their requirements. I had looked up several years ago some material on that subject online, though not impossible, I know it might take some work.

Is there a particular college you have set sights on? It might be worth contacting a college you are interested in, and see if you could schedule a meeting to speak with someone about your previous education and the goals you'd like to achieve with graphic design.

First things, first, though. Big changes, small steps first. :-) I see the catch-22 you might feel. Can you prioritize or write out, maybe in a list of 1 to 5, what are your greatest goals (no restriction on them), and next to it, what you see as greatest hindrance/obstacle to that goal?

Let's talk this through, I am sure our friends here will chime in with some good ideas and questions for you, too. I will be back in the morning, rest well and keep your chin up!


Hey Junkyard Lily, sorry to reply so late! I think I'm going to really start looking into college and really what I want to generally do in life. I wrote down some a list like you said and it's making me feel good. They look something like this but longer ( just to give you an idea)

1. I've always needed to know things and I want to know more about life and why things are the way they are, and so on with that sort of thing. Obstacle is not even knowing were to look, and not knowing what to believe.

2. I want to be the best artist I can be. If there's a physical thing I really feel passionate about it's art. I would love to be able to find a job out of art. My obstacle is getting professional training and really just being lucky enough to get a job in the field, but graphic design does sound like my best bet.

3. I really want to travel to places around the Earth. For some reason going to unfamiliar places with new or beautiful scenery and culture makes my mind feel clear and just makes me more sure of things. The obstacle is money to go and survive in different places and the timing in which I can work it in with the rest of life.

4. Probably sounds dumb but I want a good friend one day. Like someone you really care about on a big level .My obstacle with this is being a person who doesn't know what it's like to have someone on that level outside of my grandma and sister.

5. I think this one is wanting to be at peace with why things are the way they are and the what ifs. I think to not get depressed over these things would be fantastic. I would need to overcome everything else to overcome this though.

I'm feeling good after writing and thinking about everything and I think things are going to go in the right direction, or be okay. I'm looking into schools with art programs and things are looking good. Thanks again, I really appreciate it and I'll try my best!

Thanks! I'm looking into some colleges and what I want to do and things a re looking good. I feel like my energy's in a good place right now and I feel good. I think I might start getting a game plan and taking baby steps to see where things take me. Thanks for listening!

Thank you! I'm thinking of taking a broad range of studies and I'm getting a good game plan on things together and I feel like things are gonna turn out good. Thanks for listening!

Good advice Lily!

FANTASTIC NEWS!!! Woohoo!



So happy Magni has come back home. <3

Would love to see a pic, so far as I know, you can either upload a photo outside of the site and post a link, or upload a photo as a smiley and ask to have it approved. I haven't done the latter, but I believe that's what's done, maybe someone can chime in and let ya know for sure.

No worries!

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better, Tridak! I think Texan and Swinburnian gave some good advice, so far as school goes, things that can help now that you've made your personal list and are starting on working out your own real solutions.

So now, starting tackling things one thing at a time, at the top of the list, our starting point, we have:

Issue:

1. I've always needed to know things and I want to know more about life and why things are the way they are, and so on with that sort of thing.

Obstacle:

Not even knowing were to look, and not knowing what to believe.

Personal Solution:

Where to look - Expanding learning and education by looking into higher learning programs. Investigating some schools and narrowing it down, contacting school.

What to believe - Accomplishing the previous paragraph will begin to affirm confidence in self/personal decisions in a positive way.

See how it works? Good for you!

Feel free to stop back in after you're through the first step there, let us know how things go! We're pulling for you, you'll do just fine!



* edited for formatting

Thank you, Gem, you too!

From my vacation spot bump. DF