I'm starting to think I want to die a poor man

I want to live in one of those tiny homes/cabins you see on youtube. I don't need much space at all... Too bad there's not a community of tiny homes where you can easily own your home rather than having to work for 30 years just so you can say you own the home you've been living in all that time - all while it depreciates in value.

I was close enough to ground zero 9-11-01 to see what others have lied about seeing; hypnotized into believing they saw something they did not see; and those who doubt what they saw.
I gave my land away, my small farm, my possessions and my I.D. to the funeral pyres of reality and have lived that way since. "Homeless" my present "refuge" is a reminder of what I left behind. I regret nothing. Do as you are being bid to do. " in the night, when man sleeps, God seals up his instructions" Do it now. :)

For the last few years I'd been trying to fix all the mistakes I made in preparing myself for life as an adult, for career aspirations and making myself a great catch. None of it is real.

In college, I didn't choose a major that would be beneficial to my financial well-being. Instead, I chose to major in disciplines that for whatever reason excited me and held my attention. Stuff that I found much interest in. Those things were Anthropology, Sociology, and Religion. I learned so much from those subjects.

I went and earned a Masters' in Business Administration with a concentration in Information Systems and Management. I feel I'm a very well-rounded individual. I had a brief chat with the National Director of marketing here at my firm and she pretty much told me, without saying, that I have to seek out those with clout and kiss their asses to move up, without saying it. I can't explain how disappointed I felt after that meeting. I wanted to walk out of the building and to my car and go home. But it's not just my firm. All of the world operates in this manner. And when you see it clearly, it's enough to make you go mad.

Anyway, my point here is that I'm in a lot of debt. I am degree'd and I cannot make an affordable living. Just seems like I have to work too hard for every little thing and my soul is tired. I can't find it in my spirit to play the game necessary for making it in the world. I work with my rich mentor and his "gift" for making money stresses me out so bad. I dread coming to work and having to pretend that I want to be a part of it. I'm not even sure I want to get comfortable. I live amongst the meek. If God called for me to go now, I would leave the world without looking back. Without holding on to anything here. If I start to make good money and get comfortable, I'm afraid I won't feel as free and I will be caught in that trap. The more comfort you attain, the more you have to do to maintain it. I'm ready to go now.

I post this hear just for an ear of people who can understand where I'm coming from. I cannot express this to anyone in my life. Especially my mom. No one would understand and think I'm crazy or suicidal. Just wanted to get that out.

The point here is, why is it that some of the worst, most hateful people live such great lives, but people like me who love and care for others struggle so much to the point to where we feel we're better off dead? It's sad.

Thank you to everyone who has replied here. It really means a lot to get feedback from others who understand and who are not caught up in desires for worldly things. I'm really enjoying reading everyone's perspective.

I feel like I'm unconsciously preparing myself for rock bottom, or some sort of life-changing experience. I filed bankruptcy a year ago and luckily for me, although I still live in my home and have my car, I'm free to walk away from both with no penalty. So essentially I'm going month to month. Just don't want to walk until I know what I'm doing.

I did some community service over the weekend, and one of the vendors came over mimicking a homeless man for fun (We had a stand with different bins for trash and recyclables). Then said to us, "all jokes aside, but those people make decisions that leads to their homelessness." The guy was really just saying awful things about less fortunate people. It was such a heartless act that I simply disagreed with him and turned my back to him. I later talked with a buddy while at a bar about it and he pretty much agreed with the vendor and said that the homeless harasses him while at work (he manages a liquor store). I had to then explain that "while those homeless people may be an inconvenience to you, their lives are shit. I hope you're never in position where you need help."

The point here is, why is it that some of the worst, most hateful people live such great lives, but people like me who love and care for others struggle so much to the point to where we feel we're better off dead? It's sad.

For the last few years I'd been trying to fix all the mistakes I made in preparing myself for life as an adult, for career aspirations and making myself a great catch. None of it is real.

In college, I didn't choose a major that would be beneficial to my financial well-being. Instead, I chose to major in disciplines that for whatever reason excited me and held my attention. Stuff that I found much interest in. Those things were Anthropology, Sociology, and Religion. I learned so much from those subjects.

I went and earned a Masters' in Business Administration with a concentration in Information Systems and Management. I feel I'm a very well-rounded individual. I had a brief chat with the National Director of marketing here at my firm and she pretty much told me, without saying, that I have to seek out those with clout and kiss their asses to move up, without saying it. I can't explain how disappointed I felt after that meeting. I wanted to walk out of the building and to my car and go home. But it's not just my firm. All of the world operates in this manner. And when you see it clearly, it's enough to make you go mad.

Anyway, my point here is that I'm in a lot of debt. I am degree'd and I cannot make an affordable living. Just seems like I have to work too hard for every little thing and my soul is tired. I can't find it in my spirit to play the game necessary for making it in the world. I work with my rich mentor and his "gift" for making money stresses me out so bad. I dread coming to work and having to pretend that I want to be a part of it. I'm not even sure I want to get comfortable. I live amongst the meek. If God called for me to go now, I would leave the world without looking back. Without holding on to anything here. If I start to make good money and get comfortable, I'm afraid I won't feel as free and I will be caught in that trap. The more comfort you attain, the more you have to do to maintain it. I'm ready to go now.

I post this hear just for an ear of people who can understand where I'm coming from. I cannot express this to anyone in my life. Especially my mom. No one would understand and think I'm crazy or suicidal. Just wanted to get that out.

Thank you to everyone who has replied here. It really means a lot to get feedback from others who understand and who are not caught up in desires for worldly things. I'm really enjoying reading everyone's perspective.

I feel like I'm unconsciously preparing myself for rock bottom, or some sort of life-changing experience. I filed bankruptcy a year ago and luckily for me, although I still live in my home and have my car, I'm free to walk away from both with no penalty. So essentially I'm going month to month. Just don't want to walk until I know what I'm doing.

I did some community service over the weekend, and one of the vendors came over mimicking a homeless man for fun (We had a stand with different bins for trash and recyclables). Then said to us, "all jokes aside, but those people make decisions that leads to their homelessness." The guy was really just saying awful things about less fortunate people. It was such a heartless act that I simply disagreed with him and turned my back to him. I later talked with a buddy while at a bar about it and he pretty much agreed with the vendor and said that the homeless harasses him while at work (he manages a liquor store). I had to then explain that "while those homeless people may be an inconvenience to you, their lives are shit. I hope you're never in position where you need help."

The point here is, why is it that some of the worst, most hateful people live such great lives, but people like me who love and care for others struggle so much to the point to where we feel we're better off dead? It's sad.

I feel you op. I am young and have no desire to subject myself to the never fulfilling life of obtaining money and sucking up. Even in my current part time job I realize it is all about sucking up. I'm majoring in sociology too, not because it will get me a high paying job, but because it has allowed me to understand the world and have better empathy for others. I feel that if we live life with contentment and work hard at whatever we do, then we will be rewarded naturally. I think the goal in life is to not worry so much about our future, but be prepared for it by developing a true work ethic--especially centered around helping others and the world..

I really have enjoyed reading this thread!

never gave a shit about money, all i wanted to do was play guitar , smoke the odd fatty and have a good time, it worked back then, still works now, im happy. what the fuck would i want money for? i eat, i sleep in a warm bed , have fun , get high, play guitar. its all good

I think because we can only find true fulfillment through suffering.

I want to live in one of those tiny homes/cabins you see on youtube. I don't need much space at all... Too bad there's not a community of tiny homes where you can easily own your home rather than having to work for 30 years just so you can say you own the home you've been living in all that time - all while it depreciates in value.

Look , if its any help to you ,any of you , i volunteer to take all this yucky cash off yourselves for free ,i don't mind sure it will be painful for me but i will put up with it .

:applaud1:

When I was in college I studied criminal justice, psychology, and sociology because those subjects/fields genuinely interested me! Other people were picking majors that they felt would lead to better careers or higher paying jobs after college. I couldn't bring myself to spend 4 years studying something I wasn't interested in. I feel like my studies helped open the door to a greater understanding of our society and people in general.

just go live in another country.
debt.... gone!
its what i did....
education should be free anyways

its not that hard.

Yessss. Good for you! College has never really been for me anyway, but thank God, like you, I made a choice to study something I am at least interested in. Same goes for the OP.

It's hard for people to understand why I would decide to make choices in college that will not make me 'rich'...so many times have people looked down on my choices. I used to be self-conscious about it but as time goes on I realize my choices have made me a better person and will make me the man I should be.

I have a good decent business, have a 5 bedroom house, wife and kids. Lately though, it is getting harder and harder to make ends meet. I have a fair amount of savings but that is for a rainy day not to help me month to month.

I spoke with a property management company yesterday. Basically because I have 7 potential rooms to let, he estimated an income of approx £2300 a month. My mortgage is £800 a month.
I have decided to up sticks and move to kashmir where my parents are originally from. We have land and a house there. I am hoping to setup a little software consultancy over there. Get some locals a job. The place is like heavej on earth. No big government, no taxes what you earn is what you earn.
Truth is cost of living is so low I wouldnt even have to work. But I will work because I want to do my bit to help others less fortunate than myself.
Can't wait to get going. So sick of what the uk has become.

You are not crazy at all, and I completely understand your 'soul is tired'. You're more 'awake' than most people.

Just don't give up. Keep working until you are out of debt. And then move on to a more simple life, if you can.

:Visualize: