I cannot believe how lonely I am

At what point are the highs and lows of life too much for one person to handle? I ask this, because I'm recently off all my medication and I find myself over thinking things I haven't thought of in a while. Not necessarily bad things, but things I never really addressed in the first place, those things that the medicine covered up. I had a smile on my face the whole time, but the problems never changed, they were never fixed and here I am years later still facing the same issues. I didn't fix them, I prolonged them. Perhaps now I'll be stronger facing them than before??

For example, I've been a stay at home mom now for 12 years of my life. I'm only just now realizing that I'm lonely. My husband is a great guy, he's wonderful..but he's my only adult friend. Going out is a struggle for me, since as a child my mother was gone all the time, I made a promise to myself and my children that I would always be the kind of mom that was there for them. I've held true to them, but at what cost, and I think to myself..my own sanity is worth it for them to have great childhoods they don't have to 'recover' from. I don't want them to ever look back and say, "my mom was selfish". I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking it. Maybe I should just relax, and try to meet people. Even another mom would be nice, someone that I could talk to.

Mostly the problem is that I don't feel normal around other moms, they don't see things the way I do. I've tried joining parenting websites/social networking and it always ends the same..with me looking around and feeling like I just don't understand the minds of these women either. There is only one soul that's ever gotten me, and that's my husband. Maybe I'm just incredibly lucky to have found my one true soul mate. I just don't want to burden him with my sorrows.

I'm lonely, and I don't want to tell him that I need more adult social interaction. Maybe, someone here can give me some advice on how to tell him this.

Also, we don't live near family anymore and when we did, I was still hesitant to let them watch the children. The children are the most precious things to me, and they've only been away from me maybe 2 times a year. I could very well get a nanny or a babysitter, but I am just frightened because no one could ever love my children more than me.

Fuck you lady. I live alone. No friends. Haven't been on a date in 11 years. Love of my life is married to a guy who I wouldn't let wash my car. I DON'T have my health, have panic attacks every other day, haven't been out to a restaurant with anyone, to the movies - anywhere - for over a decade. Lost my job 3 years ago along with all my few work friends. Family only talks to me once a month (I assume to check and see whether or not I'm dead). Spent the best years of my life alone, in an apartment with 2 rooms sleeping alone on a couch fully clothed. I'm 35 and I fucking cry twice a week minimum and that's just the tip of my misery iceberg. For Christ's sake I went an entire fucking week last month and didn't speak to a single person - not an email, not a phone call, not even junk mail. A whole goddamned week. And you're upset because you don't have somebody to go bowling with?

Your husband needs to punch you in your selfish fucking face cunt. Life needs to do to you what it's done to me you selfish, ungrateful asshole.

Find a part-time job.
The interaction with others will be good for you.

If you don't get out there now...
The feelings of lonliness will increase.
Especially when your children have grown.

you have just described my life...I have also lost myself in motherhood over the last ten years and found it almost immpossible to connect with the women around me, playgroup small talk just aint me.. but I have been left reeling since november when my partner told me he was leaving me, apparently it was too much for him I didn't have an outside life- he outgrew me.
Now I am studying to be a natural health practitioner and getting out and remembering who I used to be, which was scary but so worth it.
you should do a course in something that interests you and that maybe you could turn into a carreer in time.
you can be the best mum in the world, but your children, especially daughters need to see their mothers achieving for themselves.

If you fill your Heart with God and things of God it will never be empty, humans will always let you down and fail,