Thank you OP. Thank you for speaking up. It's a comfort to realize my experiences are not unique and that I am not alone.

Why? "It is as it is." I dislike quoting bible verses but it is the best answer I've come across because it is IT'S answer to the question.

My answer: Because it wants our help. It is not omnipotent, omniscient or omnipresent. But it is very close to it with our help collectively. Unfortunately it defines help as service to it as it works its will and desires thru us.

There is a problem with the phenomenon. No need for secrecy, deception and trickery otherwise. Call it being morally and ethically handicapped or MPD and psychopathy or emotional immaturity and childishness in a god. It really does need help but not the help of a servant, slave or mind-controlled Zombie.

That kind of help can only come from some one or something outside the hive or collective. From some one who can still love IT but realizes that sacrificing one's self only feeds the beast. We are not food for the god(s) nor the objects for its carnal desires.

I will help it, in my way, if I am able. Because to get to the root of the problem, to fix it if that were possible, to rewrite the code so to speak, would be helping mankind. But I don't think that at this time I am totally outside the hive and so these thoughts may simply be more of its work.

In the mean time I observe, watch and witness. I try to learn about it and understand it through what it shows me. Though it has hurt me much in the past and continues to hurt me, I actually care for it. I want the best for everybody.