Women turned me into a sweater wearing antique shopping chick flick crying poofball panzy boy

Too late man, might as well go to Thailand and get a Bangkok special now.

you can't. you need a new girlfriend and never let her bring you to that level.. if you want sandwiches and daily BJ's you gotta have balls

Use fewer adjectives. It may project a more manly seeming.

Poofter, eh?

I had to deal with your kind in the REME, Akrotiri, 1965.

Haha preach it brother

Do you tie the sweater around your neck and wear chinos?

I bet you're cute :)

O_o

it's to late for you now.

the strap-on is next.

Start with burning all but 2 of those sweaters.
(A nice bonfire in the back yard on a dark night while naked.)

Buy yourself a couple nice work jackets of denim or leather (or some other durable material).

Only ever wear the remaining sweaters when you do automotive work on your vehicle.

Antique shopping isn't a problem. Just spend your time looking at/for antique hand tools.

I can't help you with the crying at a chick-flick thing. I am not sure if you actually cry aloud or merely weep.
(I don't watch chick-flicks but I do weep at dog movies like "Hachi-A Dog's Tale")

Besides, weeping (silently feeling sadness and shedding tears) is an excellent way to clear out the tear ducts and sinuses...

Sobbing (convulsive uncontrollable crying) on the other hand is going way too far... I hope you aren't in the sobbing-zone for chick-flicks OP.

There is a very fine line between a "macho man" and an asshole. Be careful about how macho you want to go...