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Anonymous Coward
User ID: 32062218
United States
05/15/2013 10:21 PM
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Re: My
Your girlfriend is to blame for this. Quit making excuses for her and blaming the kid.

She has such a greag career but couldn't rent a car to pick up her kid?

Your gf is not such a prize. Would you want her to be the mother of your future kids?
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 10:21 PM
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The reason you turned out to be an asshole is because you were spanked. You never hit a child ever. There are better techniques to change a child's behavior. What an ass.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19490298


The reason you turned out to be an asshole is because you were spanked. You never hit a child ever. There are better techniques to change a child's behavior. What an ass.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19490298


I haven't hit her her mom is about ready too.im on the fence I won't ever hit her she is not my child.instead of being high and mighty. Please offer alternative solutions
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 34963435
United States
05/15/2013 10:23 PM
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Mamas going crazy from this I would never ever spank anyone's child as I said I am against it but we need alternatives .grandma spanked hard now she is cool when she is with grandma.im just trying to help
 Quoting: Slueth


You just went on about how the child needs to be spanked hard and now you're against it, and if it ain't your kid, wouldn't say it's your place to spank her. Probably best to steer clear of people with kids, yeah not just one person you're bringing into your life but also their possibly out of control kid
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39039693
United States
05/15/2013 10:25 PM
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Find out what she likes. Television, talking on the phone, whatever. If she is being punished take it away. Don't send her to her room, send her to a room with nothing. Like a bed, her school books, that is it.

Spanking really doesn't help in the long run. She needs consequences for her actions that make sense.

Also, if she is crying for something and you ever give in, ever, she is going to learn that if she just cries loud enough and long enough you will eventually give in.

What you have to do is not keep arguing with her or even acknowledge that she is crying.


I see parents all the time when their kids are crying they keep talking and saying "I said no".

Please Mommy?
No I said no
Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
I said no
Why?
Because I said so?
Why do you say so?
Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
No
Please I really want it
No

I mean just say no and mean no. Say it once and don't keep talking about it. Make them know that no means no.



Well it is obvious you said no. You don't have to repeat yourself. Your kid is smart enough to know you said no.

That is why they are crying. No matter how much they cry just ignore them. Have a conversation with your wife and try as best as you can not to even act as if you are aware your child is crying.

They will eventually grow tired of crying.
I have seen parents try to quiet the child. Let them cry. They will use their energy and probably sleep better later on at night. Just let them cry and scream all the want and you just stay calm.

Of course the child will grow louder and more persistant. It will be difficult at first to break a child who is used to having their tamtrums be the center of attention. Eventually if you stick with it, they will learn their tantrums will not result in getting their way. They will try other methods of trying to get their way. You must resist it all. You must resist any whining or manipulation. You must be in control and must teach your child that no simply means no. You are not going to change your mind once you have said it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14673627
United States
05/15/2013 10:27 PM
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Do onto others as you would have done onto you. I rest my peace.
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 10:27 PM
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Re: My
Your girlfriend is to blame for this. Quit making excuses for her and blaming the kid.

She has such a greag career but couldn't rent a car to pick up her kid?

Your gf is not such a prize. Would you want her to be the mother of your future kids?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32062218


Your girlfriend is to blame for this. Quit making excuses for her and blaming the kid.

She has such a greag career but couldn't rent a car to pick up her kid?

Your gf is not such a prize. Would you want her to be the mother of your future kids?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 32062218


Good point .her twelve year old is awesome the perfect kid!and yes I am blaming the kid to some degree your right thanks.how do we get this to stop.funny you should ask she said she wants to have my kid !i have raised a few kids in a fifteen year relationship never did either of us spank its not my thing.it can't be to late jthe kid is only six.i am also afraid if she starts spanking the kid will associate it with me even though mom is doing the spanking.man what a touchy subject.maybe I will just move on not my problem let the kid turn out into delinquent
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 14673627
United States
05/15/2013 10:27 PM
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Morals ya gotta them or ya don't.
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 10:30 PM
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Low voltage taser works fine. Use it a few times on her and behavoir greatly improves.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37931152


Ha ha I wouldn't even do that to my dog.in fact I never swatted my dogs ass when he was potty training.this is just so out of control .she needs counseling or a real punishment. Maybe not spanking but what?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19490298
United States
05/15/2013 10:31 PM
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The reason you turned out to be an asshole is because you were spanked. You never hit a child ever. There are better techniques to change a child's behavior. What an ass.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19490298


The reason you turned out to be an asshole is because you were spanked. You never hit a child ever. There are better techniques to change a child's behavior. What an ass.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 19490298


Here is just one link to help you out. [link to www.empoweringparents.com]

There is a plethora of information on the interwebs that would help you avoid to think of such harm to a child. Abuse is a life long sentence.

Googling is a mighty easy thing to do.
dmore4

User ID: 22731168
United States
05/15/2013 10:32 PM
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Get out now, before you lose your cool and do something you will regret . Trust me you cannot win.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39753538
Canada
05/15/2013 10:35 PM
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This will never end as you will always hate her child because deep down you're really angry that youre taking care of another mans offspring. So whatever her behavour is youer going to find something wrong with it. Shes not your offspring, your girls not your family, you are the odd man out. The only real thing to do would be to man up and kill that thing (daughter) and then knock up you girl with your genetics codes instead of being a helper for someone elses. Thats what she really wants you to do anyway, fix her mistake.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39798037
United States
05/15/2013 10:35 PM
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The fact you are asking GLP to spank or not shows you don't have the place or ability to make that decision.

The situation is too far advanced for a few choice moments or physical punishment to do anything but make things worse.

You/she need to find a way to break the childs

feeling of entitlement
sense of power
expectation

Spanking will do none of these.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1465884
United States
05/15/2013 10:35 PM
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That is up to her mom, plus the whole thing could be reported to the authorities if the info leaks out to then wrong person such as her relatives.
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 10:38 PM
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Find out what she likes. Television, talking on the phone, whatever. If she is being punished take it away. Don't send her to her room, send her to a room with nothing. Like a bed, her school books, that is it.

Spanking really doesn't help in the long run. She needs consequences for her actions that make sense.

Also, if she is crying for something and you ever give in, ever, she is going to learn that if she just cries loud enough and long enough you will eventually give in.

What you have to do is not keep arguing with her or even acknowledge that she is crying.


I see parents all the time when their kids are crying they keep talking and saying "I said no".

Please Mommy?
No I said no
Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
I said no
Why?
Because I said so?
Why do you say so?
Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
No
Please I really want it
No

I mean just say no and mean no. Say it once and don't keep talking about it. Make them know that no means no.



Well it is obvious you said no. You don't have to repeat yourself. Your kid is smart enough to know you said no.

That is why they are crying. No matter how much they cry just ignore them. Have a conversation with your wife and try as best as you can not to even act as if you are aware your child is crying.

They will eventually grow tired of crying.
I have seen parents try to quiet the child. Let them cry. They will use their energy and probably sleep better later on at night. Just let them cry and scream all the want and you just stay calm.

Of course the child will grow louder and more persistant. It will be difficult at first to break a child who is used to having their tamtrums be the center of attention. Eventually if you stick with it, they will learn their tantrums will not result in getting their way. They will try other methods of trying to get their way. You must resist it all. You must resist any whining or manipulation. You must be in control and must teach your child that no simply means no. You are not going to change your mind once you have said it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39039693


Find out what she likes. Television, talking on the phone, whatever. If she is being punished take it away. Don't send her to her room, send her to a room with nothing. Like a bed, her school books, that is it.

Spanking really doesn't help in the long run. She needs consequences for her actions that make sense.

Also, if she is crying for something and you ever give in, ever, she is going to learn that if she just cries loud enough and long enough you will eventually give in.

What you have to do is not keep arguing with her or even acknowledge that she is crying.


I see parents all the time when their kids are crying they keep talking and saying "I said no".

Please Mommy?
No I said no
Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
I said no
Why?
Because I said so?
Why do you say so?
Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
No
Please I really want it
No

I mean just say no and mean no. Say it once and don't keep talking about it. Make them know that no means no.



Well it is obvious you said no. You don't have to repeat yourself. Your kid is smart enough to know you said no.

That is why they are crying. No matter how much they cry just ignore them. Have a conversation with your wife and try as best as you can not to even act as if you are aware your child is crying.

They will eventually grow tired of crying.
I have seen parents try to quiet the child. Let them cry. They will use their energy and probably sleep better later on at night. Just let them cry and scream all the want and you just stay calm.

Of course the child will grow louder and more persistant. It will be difficult at first to break a child who is used to having their tamtrums be the center of attention. Eventually if you stick with it, they will learn their tantrums will not result in getting their way. They will try other methods of trying to get their way. You must resist it all. You must resist any whining or manipulation. You must be in control and must teach your child that no simply means no. You are not going to change your mind once you have said it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39039693

This is exactly what I was saying a month ago once you say no that is it.if you let her get her way you are reinforcing the behavior!the parent has to win and stay firm.its just amazingly scary how far this sweet little girl will go,to get her way.when I say hours I mean hours the other night Tyne tantrums went on for three hours till eleven at night the mom gave in so the other daughter could sleep for school.i was pissed I put up with three hours of kicking screaming crying and yelling only to watch the mom give in I left I was so mad.im 46 years ole I have never seen anything like it.the kid can't win is what I keep telling her.i guess I might have to move on
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 37873170
United States
05/15/2013 10:39 PM
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Re: My
Don't spank her, already been said she is not your kid. Where is her dad?

I took on a stepdaughter when she was about 4, very close to her dad, and she cried alot also.

Spanking doesn't really work IMO, but you being patient will, and maybe adding in some empathy and understanding for the girls situation, not always just your, and moms situation.

Try to talk to her when spending Q time, teach her something, anything. Read her a book if nothing else.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 22621726
Australia
05/15/2013 10:40 PM
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It's a bit late to start spanking. But it's a bit early for you to even get involved in it, aside from helping counsel mom on the fact that it is do or die time for this kid.

She needs:
1. A defined set of rules and expectations for behavior.
2. A defined set of consequences for failure to follow the rules and expectations.

Basically, whatever she loves to do or play with is on the chopping block if she acts up. Put it all on the wall in writing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1302477


This ^^^

Hitting is never the answer, she is acting out for a reason. She has been getting away with the behavior and knows if she acts up enough, eventually she will get what she wants. Hitting her is a violent and lazy way to parent. Her Mum needs to communicate with her daughter and establish who is in control without resorting to violence.

My advice is to talk with your girlfriend and air your concerns about her daughters behavior and be adults and work out a system whereby there is a definite consequence for her actions. She needs to learn that she can make the choice to behave like a brat but with that choice all her privileges, play dates, fave toys, freedoms etc will be taken away. When she is acting like an angel, praise her, reward that behavior.

Stick to your guns, be consistent and see how long she continues. Kids are smart, she'll cotton on real quick.
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 10:48 PM
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The fact you are asking GLP to spank or not shows you don't have the place or ability to make that decision.

The situation is too far advanced for a few choice moments or physical punishment to do anything but make things worse.

You/she need to find a way to break the childs

feeling of entitlement
sense of power
expectation

Spanking will do none of these.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39798037


The fact you are asking GLP to spank or not shows you don't have the place or ability to make that decision.

The situation is too far advanced for a few choice moments or physical punishment to do anything but make things worse.

You/she need to find a way to break the childs

feeling of entitlement
sense of power
expectation

Spanking will do none of these.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39798037


Very good point.it isn't my place! I know that .grandma is saying spank her I was like spank her but the more I think about it there has to be some deep unresolved issues causing this.mama has to be strong and not give in.i haven't even yelled at her.its not my place I left the other night because I was pissed and wanted to yell at both of them ha ha but didn't.that was a moral victory believe me.the father left while she was pregnant and they got back together for a few months last year.he beat the mom in front of the kids the last night he was there and went to jail.but because of the verbal and physical abuse in just those few months the youngest thinks she can boss around the mom.the little girl listens to me for the most part but I'm not telling her no because I'm not her mom.i love children and would look down on spanking because. There are better ways but what ways ha ha.its the moms fault I know I'm trying to help not abuse or hurt.the logic you offered is sound and I am of the same opinion and even said this to the mom but after hours and hours of tantrums into the midnight hours the kid wins because they ll have to sleep.wtf
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 32490805
United States
05/15/2013 10:54 PM
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Pim afraid you might be right as I said I'm not going to discipline her.this should have been handled long ago but what to do now is the question.grounding is a night ere its hours and hours of tantrums until she gives in.im not gonna touch her its not my place!
 Quoting: Slueth


and therein lies the problem. girlfriend should not give in to the tantrums, as from the kid's perspective that simply reinforces the tantrum as a valid way to get what you want. sure, it might be miserable to put up with for a while, but eventually the kid will get tired of screaming and crying and realize that it will no longer accomplish her goal.
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 10:58 PM
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Re: My
Don't spank her, already been said she is not your kid. Where is her dad?

I took on a stepdaughter when she was about 4, very close to her dad, and she cried alot also.

Spanking doesn't really work IMO, but you being patient will, and maybe adding in some empathy and understanding for the girls situation, not always just your, and moms situation.

Try to talk to her when spending Q time, teach her something, anything. Read her a book if nothing else.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 37873170


Thanks that's exactly what I have been doing .i have thought her some of her favorite songs on piano.she is extremely smart she picked up on stuff as fast as I could show it.i have been trying to be her friend and I care for her as much as possible.i try to use positive reinforcement not negative.its like she is punishing her mom because daddy isn't there .i make sure I play games with her and show her how to play drums and guitar and let her sing we have a lot of fun.but everyday the tantrums start its a battle and mom lets the kid win.if you saw it you would see what I mean I have nieces the same age they don't cry for more than five or ten minutes tops .this child can go for 3 4 hours I don't know how her voice doesn't give out I would be hoarse.she needs counseling they both do!
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 11:04 PM
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It's a bit late to start spanking. But it's a bit early for you to even get involved in it, aside from helping counsel mom on the fact that it is do or die time for this kid.

She needs:
1. A defined set of rules and expectations for behavior.
2. A defined set of consequences for failure to follow the rules and expectations.

Basically, whatever she loves to do or play with is on the chopping block if she acts up. Put it all on the wall in writing.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1302477


This ^^^

Hitting is never the answer, she is acting out for a reason. She has been getting away with the behavior and knows if she acts up enough, eventually she will get what she wants. Hitting her is a violent and lazy way to parent. Her Mum needs to communicate with her daughter and establish who is in control without resorting to violence.

My advice is to talk with your girlfriend and air your concerns about her daughters behavior and be adults and work out a system whereby there is a definite consequence for her actions. She needs to learn that she can make the choice to behave like a brat but with that choice all her privileges, play dates, fave toys, freedoms etc will be taken away. When she is acting like an angel, praise her, reward that behavior.
Great advice exactly what I said a couple of months ago.this kid has more will power than anyone I have ever met ha ha.its not funny and I know this is the right thing to do..is putting tape over her mouth a bad thing ha ha she is extremely loud unbearable screams.for hours and hours I feel so bad for her she is definitly troubled I just want to help.the older daughter begs to go to her step dads every weekend to get away from her.its so disfunctional .i had a happy childhood even with the ocassional spankings .things are so much more complicated these days I just want to help
Stick to your guns, be consistent and see how long she continues. Kids are smart, she'll cotton on real quick.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22621726
Slueth  (OP)

User ID: 38096388
United States
05/15/2013 11:11 PM
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Thanks for all your replies even the insulting ones which I knew would come because spanking is taboo nowadays.there is no easy fix I will continue to stick to my guns and try my best to help this mother and daughter resolve what the real issues are without spanking.eventually it will get better i hope.i want to be a positive influence in all three of there lives.this mess started way before I showed up.i will keep trying to resolve without spanking.i am going to buy some earplugs that may help with the ignoring.i will also continue positive reinforcement and discussing the tantrums during quality time explaining why it bad behavior when there isn't a problem.open to any and all suggestions.SPANKING is out it didn't start overnight and it's not gonna resololve overnight.I Love Them and want them to be happy is all I want thanks
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1487806
United States
05/15/2013 11:15 PM
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If your child screams in the store, you must immediately leave the store without comment. The child knows why.
Go to the car and go home. Put the child in their room without a comment. After a little while, go and have the child tell you why they had to go home and to their room. Make them apologize for the behavior.
My children did not dare act out in stores because they knew it would not be tolerated. Yes, you may have to leave a half full grocery cart but it usually works the first time rather than have time after time after time. Kids know how to wear parents down and it is a game they have learned to win.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39753538
Canada
05/15/2013 11:17 PM
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Thanks for all your replies even the insulting ones which I knew would come because spanking is taboo nowadays.there is no easy fix I will continue to stick to my guns and try my best to help this mother and daughter resolve what the real issues are without spanking.eventually it will get better i hope.i want to be a positive influence in all three of there lives.this mess started way before I showed up.i will keep trying to resolve without spanking.i am going to buy some earplugs that may help with the ignoring.i will also continue positive reinforcement and discussing the tantrums during quality time explaining why it bad behavior when there isn't a problem.open to any and all suggestions.SPANKING is out it didn't start overnight and it's not gonna resololve overnight.I Love Them and want them to be happy is all I want thanks
 Quoting: Slueth



no hope for you, youll learn the hard way
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1487806
United States
05/15/2013 11:17 PM
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As far as tantrums, you must pay no attention at all. None. A tantrum is an out of control kid. If you must say anything, say "I will listen when you calm down and talk to me. I will not listen to you while you are behaving like that." And NEVER listen or pay attention or it will happen again.
CommonCents

User ID: 39455430
United States
05/15/2013 11:17 PM
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Kids behavior at young ages are a direct result of the parenting they receive. Should tell you a bit about the mom.

Dog whisperer says there are no problem dogs, but rather problem owners.

Last Edited by CommonCents on 05/15/2013 11:24 PM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27268136
United States
05/15/2013 11:19 PM
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I wouldn't want you around my child. Does it make you feel better about yourself to insult a 6 year old?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39753538
Canada
05/15/2013 11:20 PM
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Thanks for all your replies even the insulting ones which I knew would come because spanking is taboo nowadays.there is no easy fix I will continue to stick to my guns and try my best to help this mother and daughter resolve what the real issues are without spanking.eventually it will get better i hope.i want to be a positive influence in all three of there lives.this mess started way before I showed up.i will keep trying to resolve without spanking.i am going to buy some earplugs that may help with the ignoring.i will also continue positive reinforcement and discussing the tantrums during quality time explaining why it bad behavior when there isn't a problem.open to any and all suggestions.SPANKING is out it didn't start overnight and it's not gonna resololve overnight.I Love Them and want them to be happy is all I want thanks
 Quoting: Slueth


Do you really know how to make others happy? Make yourself happy, you wont make anyone happy by trying to make them happy, you wont be a positive influence on anyones life trying to be an influence on anybodies life, you gotta realize its none of your business, take care of yourself and the rest will follow. You dont love her, youre placing the love you dont give yourself onto her, you dont want them to be happy, you want you to be happy and are projecting your wish of happiness onto them. Stop it.
mr_brightside74

User ID: 29698678
Mexico
05/15/2013 11:22 PM
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Show her the movie Chuck & Buck, then have your best friend spank her ankles.
Mr. Brightside
mopar28m

User ID: 14265444
United States
05/15/2013 11:26 PM
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Smoking hot and in love with me.im treated like a king for the most part.she has a successful career that is being affected as well because the kid doesn't always want to go to school causing mom to miss work
 Quoting: Slueth


The mother needs to make the decision to spank the child.

That child needs to feel the sting of a belt, that will straighten her out real quick.

It needs to come from the mother, once she gets it then she will respect you as well.
vaccinefreehealth.blogspot.com

The risk far outweighs any benefit as the risk will vary from child to child.
NOT PUNISHMENT!
User ID: 33108136
United States
05/15/2013 11:35 PM
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You really need to use positive reinforcement. Start small. You are not going to change this kid in a day. Choose 1 behavior to work on - for example, one behavior that is pretty predictable. ONLY 1! First you have to figure out WHY she is misbehaving. What is she getting out of it? She would NOT be doing this crap UNLESS she was getting a payoff. For example, is it attention? Is it power? Then try to figure out how she can get that payoff in a more appropriate manner.

Figure out a reinforcement that this kid really loves - for example, computer time, time alone with mom, a trip to the movies, etc. Then set up a reinforcement schedule - say, if she wants 30 minutes tv time, then maybe she has to earn 2 "stars", and she earns a star by not engaging in that 1 particular misbehavior for 2 hours, or 1 day, or whatever length of time is appropriate. Hint - make sure that the reward is something she REALLY wants, and don't make it too difficult for her to earn it (at first). As she gets better and better at earning the stars, extend the length of time she has to show appropriate behavior (again, for that ONE behavior). IF you are consistent, the bad behavior will be extinguished.

The main tips: Only work on 1 behavior at a time, make sure she earns a reward that is really meaningful to her, and be consistent!

Moral of the story - POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. NOT punishment!!!





GLP