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Hi OP,

Here's a suggestion you might want to try that motivates many children and is easy to adapt to different circumstances:

Colorful wooden beads with a hole through the middle to put on a key ring. You can buy them at craft stores.

Make sure she understands the rules.

You put a certain number of beads on a big key ring....maybe 3 for going to the store.

You tell her each bead is worth (whatever you decide) maybe 3 chances.

If you decide 3 chances, the first time she misbehaves, you tell her no but don't mention the beads.

She does it again, you say I already told you no, this is your first warning. You have two left before you lose a bead.

She does it again, you tell her, this is your second warning. You only have one more before you lose a bead.

On the 3rd warning, you tell her she used all her warnings, next time you'll be taking a bead. If she does it again, tell her she used up her chances now you get a bead and remind her she now only has two on the ring.

Any crying, tantrums, automatically takes all the beads. No more chances.

She gets to carry them when you go out. She knows ahead of time that if she can have one bead remaining by the time you leave the store, she is rewarded with.....Stickers, bubble gum, a fast ride on the cart on the way out, one of those junk rings in the machines by the door, whatever.

Make sure to tell her she made you proud by working so hard to keep a bead. When she starts keeping more beads, or losing none, keep letting her know how proud you are of her hard work.

If it's effective, you could have her put a mark or sticker on a chart when you get home and when they add 6 days, she earns a Happy Meal...or whatever.

It should be a "game" that she's working for a goal. It can be easily modified by using different amounts of beads, different amounts of chances, etc. but if you start high, then decrease them, let her know it's because she's such a big girl and getting so well behaved that you don't need so many.

You might even use 3 beads when you go away, but 5 or 6 at home.

Just make sure she understands the rules even if you have to have a practice at home to make sure she understands.

It's amazing how much kids want to hang on to those beads.

Good luck. She's lucky to have you care! Hope you'll let us know how it turns out.

It's incorrigible.

Also, it's sleuth.

As for the daughter, sell her to a middle eastern man.

On the sly, of course.

Instead of bringin food over try to cook something together, I used to have kids help make quesadillas, Pizza or tacos.
Some kids like spaghetti and don't know it.
Kids that age like Mcdonalds, it don't last forever, the boy I took care of would only eat Oscar Meyer Bologna and some cereal drank lots of milk from 6 till 11 years and Mashed Potatoes at thanksgiving with a bologna sandwich.

I love it I'm sure she will lose all the beads the first few times .i have tried something similar.i do care about her we get along great and I was upset by tonight's behavior.i have raised children without ever laying a hand on them this is way different and that's why I'm looking for positive things to do.beads are a go.i will keep this thread updated .and once again I'm not spanking her and called the mom tonight telling these things I want to try.instead.i have asked my parents and lots of friends it's about fifty fifty for the spanking thing and I think we owe it her to not spank.if all else fails then its our fault.

Instead of bringin food over try to cook something together, I used to have kids help make quesadillas, Pizza or tacos.
Some kids like spaghetti and don't know it.
Kids that age like Mcdonalds, it don't last forever, the boy I took care of would only eat Oscar Meyer Bologna and some cereal drank lots of milk from 6 till 11 years and Mashed Potatoes at thanksgiving with a bologna sandwich.

Wow, OP, she is "really" fortunate to have you. If you think she might lose them all the first time, you might want to start higher, like 5 beads on a ring. It would be great if she'd get to keep on the first time...or maybe if you use less, leave the store earlier. The first time reward is a real motivator.

Some will say it's bribing, but ya know, she "is" trying to work for a goal, like we all do. If it's as bad as you say, then whatever gets a grip on it fast, is best. I've seen it work for some pretty incorrigible children. LOL.

It's great of you to have the patience and be willing to try different things. You're bound to find something that works. Kudo's to you.

If the purpose of her misbehavior was attention, then maybe mom can find time to give her the attention she needs. If the purpose was power, then the child is not feeling like she has any power so maybe she needs to be given more choices in her life. Like let her pick what vegetable she wants with her dinner. Give her choices. A lot. It is simple - mom gives her 2-3 options for just about anything. Kids eat this up. It makes them feel like they have some control over their life. But mom needs to come up with the options, and daughter can choose from the options mom came up with. Don't let the child come up with the options, though. That can create an even worse monster! Lol. Good luck. You all can do this. I have been successful doing this with children with profound autism. It can seem like it is not working at first. Just stick to your game plan. The results will freaking amaze you!

Hey, Op, Nine's idea of the beads on the key chain is a great idea. It might keep her from having the tantrums when out and if you use the magnetic board idea also then one of the daily squares could be for "no tantrums". If she comes back from public outings with the beads then she would get her magnet in that square.

Well, good luck. Hope the mom finds some solution that doesn't have to involve spankings. Nice of you to try to help her.

Oh, but just hope that mom doesn't make McDonalds as one of the treats. She should try to get the girl over to a healthier diet - even if it's just giving them smoothies (with a variety of berries) in morning. Also juicers are great. Kids love the fresh juice plus I hide the pulp from juicing of healthy vegies in their food such as pancakes, meatloaf, backed bread, etc. They never even know it's there.

Hey, Op, Nine's idea of the beads on the key chain is a great idea. It might keep her from having the tantrums when out and if you use the magnetic board idea also then one of the daily squares could be for "no tantrums". If she comes back from public outings with the beads then she would get her magnet in that square.

Well, good luck. Hope the mom finds some solution that doesn't have to involve spankings. Nice of you to try to help her.

Oh, but just hope that mom doesn't make McDonalds as one of the treats. She should try to get the girl over to a healthier diet - even if it's just giving them smoothies (with a variety of berries) in morning. Also juicers are great. Kids love the fresh juice plus I hide the pulp from juicing of healthy vegies in their food such as pancakes, meatloaf, backed bread, etc. They never even know it's there.

These days many kids end up with behavioral disorders as a result of the neurotoxins in vaccinations infants get shot up with. Out kid went through a radical personality change after the damn shots and ended up being a holy terror. The only thing that was effective when the temper tantrum started was to wrap/roll her up in a sheet for 30 - 40 minutes, so she couldn't hurt herself or anyone else while calming down. Spankings with these types of kids makes it worse. I tried and failed. She ended up being borderline autistic and has Aspergers. So now, years later she is brilliant, tests in the 95th percentile of the nation and wirtes books. It took a lot to get through those early years and trust me... when it came to screaming and throwing temper fits, she was the worst kid in her school. It was a bloody nightmare. They even called the police on her once after a temper fit and she was ready to run away. She was only 7. Now she's 17 and a great kid. There's a light at the end of the tunnel if handled correctly.

These days many kids end up with behavioral disorders as a result of the neurotoxins in vaccinations infants get shot up with. Out kid went through a radical personality change after the damn shots and ended up being a holy terror. The only thing that was effective when the temper tantrum started was to wrap/roll her up in a sheet for 30 - 40 minutes, so she couldn't hurt herself or anyone else while calming down. Spankings with these types of kids makes it worse. I tried and failed. She ended up being borderline autistic and has Aspergers. So now, years later she is brilliant, tests in the 95th percentile of the nation and wirtes books. It took a lot to get through those early years and trust me... when it came to screaming and throwing temper fits, she was the worst kid in her school. It was a bloody nightmare. They even called the police on her once after a temper fit and she was ready to run away. She was only 7. Now she's 17 and a great kid. There's a light at the end of the tunnel if handled correctly.

I love your ideas. The magnetic board and the healthier eating. Kids love making "ants on a log." A slice of celery with peanut butter in the middle, with raisins on top.

Hey, Op, Nine's idea of the beads on the key chain is a great idea. It might keep her from having the tantrums when out and if you use the magnetic board idea also then one of the daily squares could be for "no tantrums". If she comes back from public outings with the beads then she would get her magnet in that square.

Well, good luck. Hope the mom finds some solution that doesn't have to involve spankings. Nice of you to try to help her.

Oh, but just hope that mom doesn't make McDonalds as one of the treats. She should try to get the girl over to a healthier diet - even if it's just giving them smoothies (with a variety of berries) in morning. Also juicers are great. Kids love the fresh juice plus I hide the pulp from juicing of healthy vegies in their food such as pancakes, meatloaf, backed bread, etc. They never even know it's there.

The magnet board is a great idea as well thank you. I know now mom needs these ideas if she doesn't try these with me I'm gonna leave her.some people are saying its already to late I'm not buying it.i know she will love these ideas making it a game with prizes may be a bribe but its got to be better. She has a self destructiveness about her it scares me .i have had some success with her I shouldn't give up on the positive so easily you guys are right.

Thanks some people on here think I'm a child abuser GLP I knew I would take some heat.im super nice even when the tantrums are full throttle for hours I try to ignore sometimes I ask what's really bothering her and she will say her dog that died or missing daddy.it breaks my heart but other times its definitely her lashing out in a battle of wills with mommy.she blames mom for dad leaving even though she watched dad beat mom in a drunken rage.

That is sad, but she'd be a rare child if she tells you what's "really" bothering her at that age. Did you know that it's real common for children to feel a divorce is their fault?

Somehow, with your determination, it'll work out. Sometimes little things make a big difference. Something as simple as choosing words. Like instead of "pick up your toys", trying "you need to pick up your toys," or "it's time to pick up your toys". Or for bad behavior, something like "you need to stop that. It's against our rules." Young children like to know they can follow rules. It gives them a sense of importance.

Or for frustration, something like, "how can we fix it?" If she doesn't know, then, "I have an idea. How about trying a different way?"

Or for screaming tantrums, one of three things will probably help. Walking away and leaving her alone with no attention. (Not talking leaving her "alone" but going in another room and shutting a door). Or, saying, "Stop. I can't hear you when you're screaming. You need to use words." Or, "screaming is against the rules. You need to go to your room until you're ready to follow the rules."

Just little things can make such a difference. I know you'll find something.

thanks you rock it wasn't this hard with my exes kids they were about the same age

The fact you are asking GLP to spank or not shows you don't have the place or ability to make that decision.

The situation is too far advanced for a few choice moments or physical punishment to do anything but make things worse.

You/she need to find a way to break the childs

feeling of entitlement
sense of power
expectation

Spanking will do none of these.

My opinion.
Employ a nanny.A SERIOUS one.as soon and I mean AS SOON as the kid plays up ring the nanny put the kid in the car and deliver her.Soon she will get the message that the kid obeys mommy or goes to the nanny and misses out on the outing.She will learn.

I just recently fell in love with a wonderful women.her 6 year old daughter is out of control.This kid is the biggest brat I have ever seen in my life.we can't go anywhere without her having her way and if she doesn't get it the screaming and crying starts and can last for hours.I think she needs to be spanked hard .once in a while she will get a tap on the ass almost comical.I say get the belt out and let her have it give her something to cry about.this kid is relentless send her to her room she won't stay.talk to her after spat when she's calm doesn't do a damn bit of good.the kid is a perfect angel at school and daycare but at home she is a total little bitchy brat.she is ruining her moms life.the mom is at the point of a nervous breakdown.i say spank the shit out of her.i used to,get the belt and just the mention of it put the fear of god into me .aimknow it's not politically correct and its not my place to spank her.ill be honest I look down on spanking I was beaten a lot when I was young for misbehavior it was a detergent for me .Advice please I'm in love with this women but if this kid won't straighten up I'm gonna fly.the other day we were in the store and the mommy I want a snickers came up mom said no and the crying started then the little brat started saying she was being kidnapped in the store the manager actually came eup to us and sled if she was her real mom and she showed pictures on her phone to prove it.we need a young priest and an old priest with this kid.i say spank the shit out of her for five or ten days see if that helps .go ahead slam me we haven't spanked her yet I'm asking for an alternative I have tried looking up stuff and using it with her she is the definition of Incouragable!!!any help or ideas would be appreciated thanks GLP ers