Stop attracting narcissists into your life

Narcissists tend to be very loving people on the surface and are loved by many bc they go out of their way to be liked.

Once they have no use for you, you are dropped like a lead balloon.

Not true. Once they've realized you provide them the narcissistic supply that they crave, they will always return.

simply stay away from girlfriends, if you single, stay that way. its a bless.

Sam Vankin has some terrific books on narcissism. He also has a Youtube channel. The subject is much more complex than you can imagine.

And to the guy whose friend is using the keylogger...
That's not something I'd consider narcissistic. Creepy, but not narcissistic (unles he's using his discoveries to somehow manipulate you).

I get what you are saying. I haven't dated for two years now because I'm afraid to find out what the next one will be like. That's just not right. So, instead, I am seeking to learn what it is about me that has attracted one narcissist after another... and change me.

I get what you are saying. I haven't dated for two years now because I'm afraid to find out what the next one will be like. That's just not right. So, instead, I am seeking to learn what it is about me that has attracted one narcissist after another... and change me.

It disgusts me that he'd so blatantly violated my privacy and had the audacity to spy on me.

The person I've called a friend for so long is showing their true colors and its so painful.

I'm assuming he somehow put a keylogger on my system but I haven't figured out where it could be as new keyloggers are quite stealty.

PS.
If you're reading this D. I'm installing a keylogger on your computer and I'm going to judge every fucking keystroke you make. Fight fire with fire mofo.

The way to stop attracting narcissists is to change your beliefs about yourself and the way you feel about yourself.

Here's how:

1. Set up boundaries to keep yourself safe. Learn to let in people who will be there for you and keep out the people who only want something from you. I highly recommend the book Boundaries for specifics on how to set and enforce your boundaries and keep negative people out of your personal space.

2. Focus on your positive qualities and feel good about yourself, by yourself. Write in a journal to get your feelings out and develop an awareness of who you are, your feelings and your beliefs. Read back over what you've written over a period of weeks or months to see how you're responding to situations and you'll begin to see patterns in your behaviour and your beliefs about yourself and your relationships.

3. Learn how to use your sensitivity and empathy for the good. Two of the best uses are helping other people in a volunteer or charitable role and channeling it into a creative pursuit. Using your creative energy, in either volunteering or creative ways, will help you to feel grounded. You will feel a sense of belonging and connection to the wider world, and that you have an essential place in it.

By shifting your energy into an activity you are passionate about, you will also give yourself something positive to focus on so that you're not focusing solely on giving to someone who is making demands of your energy and attention. At the same time, you will be filling your life with positive feelings. Without this connection, you can feel frightened and alone and afraid to let go of what's bad for you and too easily forget that you are connected to everything and that you are loved and safe.

Source: After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love

I'm sorry but this information seems a bit hypocritical.

And feel that if these steps were practiced one would become very alone. These #3 pieces of advice appear to be written by a narcissist.

For instance step #1 'Learn to let in people who will be there for you and keep out the people who only want something from you.' What about the old saying a friend in need is a friend indeed? Or teachings that if you surround yourself only with those that love and care for you what help are you only to yourself?

step#2
'Focus on your positive qualities and feel good about yourself, by yourself' There is nothing wrong with feeling good and being happy, but this step seems to be all about you the individual to feel good... A basis of narcissism.

step#3
'Two of the best uses are helping other people in a volunteer or charitable role and channeling it into a creative pursuit. Using your creative energy, in either volunteering or creative ways, will help you to feel grounded.' That is great yes charities helping others is a step in the right direction, however the reasoning stated here to do it is to 'Help You feel grounded' and give a sense of connection...Again do it for yourself to feel good about you. Narcissistic reasoning.

The end statement wraps it all up nice and neatly. I agree with the very last sentence that we are connected with everything and love it's all good. I'm not trying to rip this post apart and apologize again as this is just a viewpoint. But I could not pass by this thread without saying take head to some of it. I suppose any non narcissistic persons will not be offended and again what do I know I'm just an AC that knows nothing.

If people who befriend you fail to demonstrate empathy (an abiltity to feel guilt or remorse) then keep away from them.

Really good thread. Repped, Op.

If you want a pretty good tactic to avoid users/narcissists/etc just remember- Don't ever wear your heart on your sleeve with people you don't know.

Very good O.P! Well put. There does need to be away to weed some out. That is the dilemma. We/many are surrounded by narcissists and if they were all cut out of ones life they would (with the exception of few) find themselves alone.

Nobody's perfect and I guess that narcissism is almost a human trait. Though now seems to be almost what is expected of people to cultivate.

There has got to be a cut off point but that is hard to contemplate. It would be interesting to pose the question when is it ok to finally give up on another human being?

That question is worded very shallow and there are many factors involved.. But when or how to get some selfish/evil/narcissistic/etc. person(s) away from you and or your family is hard for me and others I know to do. Especially if they are relatives or have been very close. How many times should they be forgiven and allowed to walk all over another?

Most people are not pushovers and many see the lack of empathy and all the other manipulative b.s these types are. Is there really no way to ever reach through or help them? Even for their own sake. To be able to smack them with a conscious for others would be wonderful but seems to be impossible, If there was a cure for those types I think the World would be a much better place maybe even saved itself.

Heh.


I've never been a religious person in my life. I just felt it was the right thing to do. Even if my prayer was unheard and there was no god its not like there was any harm done in trying.

It's been 2.5 yrs since a narcissistic person took me for a ride, and it's only now that I'm starting to feel OK again.

But then everyone will think I'm gay if I keep a diary.

Not true. Once they've realized you provide them the narcissistic supply that they crave, they will always return.

Don't beat yourself up if you've ever been attracted to or fallen in love with a narcissist. They're often very "charming" (which we now know ISN'T a healthy trait), they are usually the center of attention with a big crowd of "fans" surrounding them.

We are no longer willing to surround ourselves with the self-absorbed, self-involved and self-interested narcissists of this world. We deserve more, better and are not willing to be vulnerable to a narcissist and their manipulations.

In order to do that, we need to think about why we were drawn to them initially and why we allowed ourselves to be captivated by their shenanigans.

Source: After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life & Love


Besides the outright manipulation to "suck you into their web" - what do you think drew you to a narcissistic person?