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How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24175623
United States
08/10/2013 12:39 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm like that and you don't just "deal" with us. We will never really ever trust you and even strangers we don't trust. You can either accept him as he is or go crazy trying to change him and fail. Either way he probably doesn't even give a shit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 35300269
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08/10/2013 12:42 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm like that and you don't just "deal" with us. We will never really ever trust you and even strangers we don't trust. You can either accept him as he is or go crazy trying to change him and fail. Either way he probably doesn't even give a shit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24175623


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44857871
United States
08/10/2013 12:45 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm like that and you don't just "deal" with us. We will never really ever trust you and even strangers we don't trust. You can either accept him as he is or go crazy trying to change him and fail. Either way he probably doesn't even give a shit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24175623


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover

Just send him pictures of you tits. That'll do the trick.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44857871
United States
08/10/2013 12:48 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm like that and you don't just "deal" with us. We will never really ever trust you and even strangers we don't trust. You can either accept him as he is or go crazy trying to change him and fail. Either way he probably doesn't even give a shit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24175623


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover

Just send him pictures of you tits. That'll do the trick.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44857871


edit. your
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 35300269
United States
08/10/2013 12:49 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm like that and you don't just "deal" with us. We will never really ever trust you and even strangers we don't trust. You can either accept him as he is or go crazy trying to change him and fail. Either way he probably doesn't even give a shit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24175623


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover

Just send him pictures of you tits. That'll do the trick.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44857871


lolsign Thank you! That was funny. Made me laugh.

But honestly, I really like this guy. The feelings run deep.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26244997
United States
08/10/2013 12:49 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
He most likely has EXTREMELY high expectations of people, which is why he welcomes strangers, they have not had the chance to disappoint him in his own mind.

Once he's gotten to know somebody, he may (in his mind) of felt betrayed or something. Maybe he is offended easily, low self esteem?

I don't know the guy, but social hermits like making new friends - because they can get rid of them easy if they want to be alone.
 Quoting: oLOVEz


I have many reasons for doing such things. Let's just say most humans are a walking plague who are not very good friends.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 26244997
United States
08/10/2013 12:56 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
You do know that it could be more than trust issues. What makes you different that the others?

It is rather peaceful being alone. Would you disturb that peace?

Does he seek a partner? If not, don't bother him. Chances are you won't get far.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44890316
Canada
08/10/2013 01:02 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm gonna go out on a limb here OP...

You are probably a female and are related to this male character you are referring to. Most likely his big sister.

Am I right?
 Quoting: oLOVEz


No. He's just a casual acquaintance. You can't even really call him that, really. Just a person that I know of.
 Quoting: rainlover


Then just ignore him and make friends with people whose lives you can contribute to, and who can contribute to your life.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 35300269
United States
08/10/2013 01:06 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
You do know that it could be more than trust issues. What makes you different that the others?

It is rather peaceful being alone. Would you disturb that peace?

Does he seek a partner? If not, don't bother him. Chances are you won't get far.
 Quoting: Harbinger Of Truth


This is a good point. People have to want a type of relationship (friend, lover, spouse) before they'll seek it. I like your advice, just to leave it be and don't bother him. I believe that when someone wants you in their life, they find a way to bring you in.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 35300269
United States
08/10/2013 01:08 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm gonna go out on a limb here OP...

You are probably a female and are related to this male character you are referring to. Most likely his big sister.

Am I right?
 Quoting: oLOVEz


No. He's just a casual acquaintance. You can't even really call him that, really. Just a person that I know of.
 Quoting: rainlover


Then just ignore him and make friends with people whose lives you can contribute to, and who can contribute to your life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44890316


This is the second time I've heard the advice "just ignore him" today. Not in a mean way, but in a way that just lets him be free and if he wants in, he'll find a way.

Thanks, Canada!
oLOVEz

User ID: 40020654
United States
08/10/2013 01:17 AM

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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Maybe he keeps people chained up in his basement! That's why he doesn't socialize!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 41692018
United States
08/10/2013 02:06 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Im like that to, was married for 7 yrs & have a 16 yr old son
That I'm close to. Was
Cheated on which ended
The marraige in 2003. Dated some off and on
Up until the last 4 yrs and totally lost
Interest in it. Doctor
Says Im a social introvert. I spend my free time taking wildlife & sports pictures, pc gaming,
Reading online. If I do have any time for
Women its just for sex. I have more fun
Taking pictures & ive
Been selling alot lately. I post them online and get alot
Of comments & thats
My only social Interaction. I have alot of people ask to
Go take pictures with
Me but I never accept.
I know alot of it is
Low self esteem & I have no interest in people bothering me. Im also talkative when I meet people but that's as far as it goes. Would never get
Married again due to not being able to trust anyone. The only people I hang out with
Are family. Would rather spend my time exploring swamps with
The Cottonmouths than deal with people.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40209334
United States
08/10/2013 11:42 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
bump for a new day's discussion.
Balloons

User ID: 42653865
Denmark
08/10/2013 11:46 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
eyeball game
Please hold still so I can cut your hair long
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 43681513
United Kingdom
08/10/2013 11:47 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I would do the same in this shitty god forsaken world.

You can thanks the UN.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 31664227
United States
08/10/2013 11:53 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover


Maybe stop attempting to control people and they'll just naturally enjoy your company.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40209334
United States
08/10/2013 11:54 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover


Maybe stop attempting to control people and they'll just naturally enjoy your company.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31664227


Not about controlling but understanding. And one cannot understand unless they are a part of it. Vicious circle.
reader9

User ID: 22918479
United States
08/10/2013 11:55 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover


Leave them alone? I mean, it doesn't seem he wants to be 'close.'

Or..do things nearby, but not with him. Or do activities together but don't talk.
reader
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 36370061
Canada
08/10/2013 12:05 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I find people like that more trouble than they are worth. If it is like pulling teeth to get them to open up, why bother? There are so many men out there, why focus on someone who is socially maladapted?
Unless you feel safe with someone who is emotionally unavailable?
If you really really like him, just go over to his place and hang out with him, without talking. Watch movies, or make dinner together. He probably doesn't have many friends, so it would not be like you were interrupting a lot. And he could ask you to leave when he had enough social time. The key is just to hang out, but don't talk too much.
People like this need to be trained to be social again. Just being in someone else's presence in his space is probably all he could handle at first.
Once he is used to you, then slowly start building on the conversational skills. Then start going out and doing things in public.
But this will be like a few years' investment.
That is why it is easier to go for someone healthier.
overwatch

User ID: 15399364
United States
08/10/2013 12:15 PM

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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover

Does he cook for a living?
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40209334
United States
08/10/2013 12:21 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I find people like that more trouble than they are worth. If it is like pulling teeth to get them to open up, why bother? There are so many men out there, why focus on someone who is socially maladapted?
Unless you feel safe with someone who is emotionally unavailable?
If you really really like him, just go over to his place and hang out with him, without talking. Watch movies, or make dinner together. He probably doesn't have many friends, so it would not be like you were interrupting a lot. And he could ask you to leave when he had enough social time. The key is just to hang out, but don't talk too much.
People like this need to be trained to be social again. Just being in someone else's presence in his space is probably all he could handle at first.
Once he is used to you, then slowly start building on the conversational skills. Then start going out and doing things in public.
But this will be like a few years' investment.
That is why it is easier to go for someone healthier.
 Quoting: new & improved


So this is a very insightful post. Thank you. The problem with our society, especially women, is that we tend to fill the space with conversation because we don't want to be seen as boring. I like your point of not being able to handle someone in his space. I'm like this, too. I like my space and my things and my solitude, but I don't understand being so closed off that after years it's like a big hassle to be nice.

Thanks for your insight. Very valuable.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40209334
United States
08/10/2013 12:21 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover

Does he cook for a living?
 Quoting: overwatch


No, but I've seen him roast a few people.
overwatch

User ID: 15399364
United States
08/10/2013 12:25 PM

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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover

Does he cook for a living?
 Quoting: overwatch


No, but I've seen him roast a few people.
 Quoting: rainlover

just asking. That is what I do for a living and we tend to be closed off from the rest of the world, workaholics, and perfectionists, among other things. Ive had people in your shoes before trying to get to know me. I find that the ones who dont push the issue are usually successful. If you try to tear down my walls, that will make me rebuild them stronger and faster.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1625052
United States
08/10/2013 12:29 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm gonna go out on a limb here OP...

You are probably a female and are related to this male character you are referring to. Most likely his big sister.

Am I right?
 Quoting: oLOVEz


No. He's just a casual acquaintance. You can't even really call him that, really. Just a person that I know of.
 Quoting: rainlover


Then just ignore him and make friends with people whose lives you can contribute to, and who can contribute to your life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44890316


This is the second time I've heard the advice "just ignore him" today. Not in a mean way, but in a way that just lets him be free and if he wants in, he'll find a way.

Thanks, Canada!
 Quoting: rainlover


Excuse me but I am confused by your words. How is it that you are going to Ignore him if he doesn't even recognize you exist? You probably remind him of his controlling mother.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1625052
United States
08/10/2013 12:29 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm gonna go out on a limb here OP...

You are probably a female and are related to this male character you are referring to. Most likely his big sister.

Am I right?
 Quoting: oLOVEz


No. He's just a casual acquaintance. You can't even really call him that, really. Just a person that I know of.
 Quoting: rainlover


Then just ignore him and make friends with people whose lives you can contribute to, and who can contribute to your life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44890316


This is the second time I've heard the advice "just ignore him" today. Not in a mean way, but in a way that just lets him be free and if he wants in, he'll find a way.

Thanks, Canada!
 Quoting: rainlover


Excuse me but I am confused by your words. How is it that you are going to Ignore him if he doesn't even recognize you exist? You probably remind him of his controlling mother.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 37307331
United States
08/10/2013 12:29 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover


try to assist him? :)

I'm the same way.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40209334
United States
08/10/2013 12:32 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...


No. He's just a casual acquaintance. You can't even really call him that, really. Just a person that I know of.
 Quoting: rainlover


Then just ignore him and make friends with people whose lives you can contribute to, and who can contribute to your life.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44890316


This is the second time I've heard the advice "just ignore him" today. Not in a mean way, but in a way that just lets him be free and if he wants in, he'll find a way.

Thanks, Canada!
 Quoting: rainlover


Excuse me but I am confused by your words. How is it that you are going to Ignore him if he doesn't even recognize you exist? You probably remind him of his controlling mother.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


By not thinking about it or trying to get to know him. That's what I mean.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40209334
United States
08/10/2013 12:34 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover

Does he cook for a living?
 Quoting: overwatch


No, but I've seen him roast a few people.
 Quoting: rainlover

just asking. That is what I do for a living and we tend to be closed off from the rest of the world, workaholics, and perfectionists, among other things. Ive had people in your shoes before trying to get to know me. I find that the ones who dont push the issue are usually successful. If you try to tear down my walls, that will make me rebuild them stronger and faster.
 Quoting: overwatch


So you're saying that the less pushy a person is, the more you are willing to let the person in? That's a nice sentiment, but isn't that a little selfish. I get that people decide who to let in and who to keep out, but it seems sort of selfish to me. Am I wrong?
BossBitch

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08/10/2013 12:34 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...

I'll sit there with my eyes glazed over listening to you talk about things I don't care about and knowing full well you wouldn't give a shit about anything that interests me.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9704956


Yup
reader9

User ID: 22918479
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08/10/2013 12:36 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...

Does he cook for a living?
 Quoting: overwatch


No, but I've seen him roast a few people.
 Quoting: rainlover

just asking. That is what I do for a living and we tend to be closed off from the rest of the world, workaholics, and perfectionists, among other things. Ive had people in your shoes before trying to get to know me. I find that the ones who dont push the issue are usually successful. If you try to tear down my walls, that will make me rebuild them stronger and faster.
 Quoting: overwatch


So you're saying that the less pushy a person is, the more you are willing to let the person in? That's a nice sentiment, but isn't that a little selfish. I get that people decide who to let in and who to keep out, but it seems sort of selfish to me. Am I wrong?
 Quoting: rainlover


How is it selfish? Pushy people are exhausting.

It's selfish to demand that someone be close to you/let you in.
reader





GLP