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How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...

 
Nothing
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08/10/2013 03:54 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
What are his reasons for being closed off, if you are concerned, do you have an idea as to why he chooses to be closed off
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 43720753


For one, he's rich.

Second, he's single and handsome.

Third, he's sort of powerful.

That's all I got.
 Quoting: rainlover


Well here is the duh part. He isn't closed off at all and you're just a gold digging whore trying to figure out a way into his life. It's beyond pathetic and you should feel bad for it. He doesn't need you or want you and therefore you are perceiving him as closed off because you can't accept the fact that he just isn't into you. You have failed, get over it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


laugh
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 04:13 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I'm like that and you don't just "deal" with us. We will never really ever trust you and even strangers we don't trust. You can either accept him as he is or go crazy trying to change him and fail. Either way he probably doesn't even give a shit.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24175623


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover


Judgemental much? GET A LIFE and stop trying to analyze and judge people. NO WONDER HE DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, I DON'T BLAME HIM! And in the end, you will probably be lonelier, lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29424150


This^^^. I agree, and I'm a "closed off" woman who keeps people at arms length because they are like the OP- PARASITIC. OP, you sound like you have nothing to offer. You call people who fulfill themselves and don't feed off of others selfish and lonely? You're garbage. You're the only selfish and lonely person in this situation, trying to get into another person's space, uninvited, because you're a lonely and selfish parasite who needs a host. You have nothing valuable to offer this man. You're not interesting or talented. I attract losers like you and I keep them at arm's length too. You're despicable! Men like that look for female equals. People like you justify his (our) behavior. Fool! Lol.
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 04:32 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...

Does he cook for a living?
 Quoting: overwatch


No, but I've seen him roast a few people.
 Quoting: rainlover

just asking. That is what I do for a living and we tend to be closed off from the rest of the world, workaholics, and perfectionists, among other things. Ive had people in your shoes before trying to get to know me. I find that the ones who dont push the issue are usually successful. If you try to tear down my walls, that will make me rebuild them stronger and faster.
 Quoting: overwatch


So you're saying that the less pushy a person is, the more you are willing to let the person in? That's a nice sentiment, but isn't that a little selfish. I get that people decide who to let in and who to keep out, but it seems sort of selfish to me. Am I wrong?
 Quoting: rainlover


Many of us don't want to allow selfish people in..
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 04:35 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I have read all of your responses. Some are right on, others are way off of the mark but I am loving all the advice. Each is helping me to see things. Thank you!
 Quoting: rainlover


Another thing to think about, is this infactuation?
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 04:36 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
next time you see him say, "Hey Stranger, let's shag!"
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 04:38 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I know the guy. I'm him. I don't have anything in common with anybody I know. I love to meet new people hoping I'm going to have something in common with someone at long last. As soon as I find out I don't, that's it. Any kind of relationship with that person is an exercise in futility.

I'll sit there with my eyes glazed over listening to you talk about things I don't care about and knowing full well you wouldn't give a shit about anything that interests me. So any kind of relationship with you is just a waste of time for the both of us.

He is a person that is so far away from society, that he might as well be from another planet. In my case I spent far too many years hanging around criminals and radicals and fringe people that nothing you normal people do could possibly be of interest to me. Once you've had a conversation with international smugglers about how to get your smuggled goods through Jordanian customs, nothing you could tell me about your life could possibly hold my interest.

He's a true outsider, hardcore to the max. If you're not an outsider yourself, just forget about him. never make the mistake of straying too far from society. Once you leave, you can't come back.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9704956


oh, wow, thanks for the insights - you just completely described my 15 year old son - he has always been really unique, and this is what he is becoming like, although he is taking things too extremes and getting himself very negative attention, hopefully he will mature and level out
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 04:42 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24175623


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover


Judgemental much? GET A LIFE and stop trying to analyze and judge people. NO WONDER HE DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, I DON'T BLAME HIM! And in the end, you will probably be lonelier, lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29424150


This^^^. I agree, and I'm a "closed off" woman who keeps people at arms length because they are like the OP- PARASITIC. OP, you sound like you have nothing to offer. You call people who fulfill themselves and don't feed off of others selfish and lonely? You're garbage. You're the only selfish and lonely person in this situation, trying to get into another person's space, uninvited, because you're a lonely and selfish parasite who needs a host. You have nothing valuable to offer this man. You're not interesting or talented. I attract losers like you and I keep them at arm's length too. You're despicable! Men like that look for female equals. People like you justify his (our) behavior. Fool! Lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8192241


Gosh, that was quite HARSH - although I can agree that we are not here to change others or force our will on them - there is nothing wrong with the human desire to be social, to get to know others, to have companionship - I don't find that abnormal or sick - some are just extroverts while some are introverts - they don't always mix well, unfortunately
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 04:45 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
You should read a book called Quiet, OP. It might give you some insight into this man, and people who are like him.

[link to www.amazon.ca]
rainlover  (OP)

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08/10/2013 05:15 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...


^^^This
People like us, are closed off for a reason. You should be content with him even allowing you to be in his life. People can not be trusted. That's how it is. So accept him for who he is.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24175623


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover


Judgemental much? GET A LIFE and stop trying to analyze and judge people. NO WONDER HE DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, I DON'T BLAME HIM! And in the end, you will probably be lonelier, lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29424150


This^^^. I agree, and I'm a "closed off" woman who keeps people at arms length because they are like the OP- PARASITIC. OP, you sound like you have nothing to offer. You call people who fulfill themselves and don't feed off of others selfish and lonely? You're garbage. You're the only selfish and lonely person in this situation, trying to get into another person's space, uninvited, because you're a lonely and selfish parasite who needs a host. You have nothing valuable to offer this man. You're not interesting or talented. I attract losers like you and I keep them at arm's length too. You're despicable! Men like that look for female equals. People like you justify his (our) behavior. Fool! Lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8192241


I have been very honest on this thread. So I am being very honest with saying that this is uncalled for and very harsh. I have a lot to offer, or I wouldn't be interested in someone whom I really think I'd like to get to know. I am not garbage. I'm honestly not selfish and definitely not lonely. I am quite talented and have lots to offer someone, though I am only saying this to show you that I'm nothing like you describe as opposed to bragging about who I am. I am not going to pretend I am his "equal" but then again I am not some loser, either.

Thanks to those who have made to interesting insights on this thread. I did think about all those things today and am taking it all in.
rainlover  (OP)

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08/10/2013 05:16 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover


Judgemental much? GET A LIFE and stop trying to analyze and judge people. NO WONDER HE DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, I DON'T BLAME HIM! And in the end, you will probably be lonelier, lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29424150


This^^^. I agree, and I'm a "closed off" woman who keeps people at arms length because they are like the OP- PARASITIC. OP, you sound like you have nothing to offer. You call people who fulfill themselves and don't feed off of others selfish and lonely? You're garbage. You're the only selfish and lonely person in this situation, trying to get into another person's space, uninvited, because you're a lonely and selfish parasite who needs a host. You have nothing valuable to offer this man. You're not interesting or talented. I attract losers like you and I keep them at arm's length too. You're despicable! Men like that look for female equals. People like you justify his (our) behavior. Fool! Lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8192241


Gosh, that was quite HARSH - although I can agree that we are not here to change others or force our will on them - there is nothing wrong with the human desire to be social, to get to know others, to have companionship - I don't find that abnormal or sick - some are just extroverts while some are introverts - they don't always mix well, unfortunately
 Quoting: Geo777


Thank you, Geo. I thought it was quite harsh, too. And AnonGirl, will check this book out. Thanks!
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 05:40 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...


That's a lonely existence, though. Very lonely.
 Quoting: rainlover


Judgemental much? GET A LIFE and stop trying to analyze and judge people. NO WONDER HE DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, I DON'T BLAME HIM! And in the end, you will probably be lonelier, lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29424150


This^. I agree, and I'm a "closed off" woman who keeps people at arms length because they are like the OP- PARASITIC. OP, you sound like you have nothing to offer. You call people who fulfill themselves and don't feed off of others selfish and lonely? You're garbage. You're the only selfish and lonely person in this situation, trying to get into another person's space, uninvited, because you're a lonely and selfish parasite who needs a host. You have nothing valuable to offer this man. You're not interesting or talented. I attract losers like you and I keep them at arm's length too. You're despicable! Men like that look for female equals. People like you justify his (our) behavior. Fool! Lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8192241


I have been very honest on this thread. So I am being very honest with saying that this is uncalled for and very harsh. I have a lot to offer, or I wouldn't be interested in someone whom I really think I'd like to get to know. I am not garbage. I'm honestly not selfish and definitely not lonely. I am quite talented and have lots to offer someone, though I am only saying this to show you that I'm nothing like you describe as opposed to bragging about who I am. I am not going to pretend I am his "equal" but then again I am not some loser, either.

Thanks to those who have made to interesting insights on this thread. I did think about all those things today and am taking it all in.
 Quoting: rainlover


Face it OP, you're stalking that poor guy and you're obsessed with him. Why else would you come to a conspiracy site looking to be justified in your feelings?

You should find someone who is interested in you, you shouldn't have to analyze someone on a crazy conspiracy site looking for affirmation and justification of your thoughts and potential actions.
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 05:42 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
hf

Hopefully you're not interested in him because he's just a challenge to you. :( It's insulting when you're on the opposite end of that, and a lot of times...that's all people want. They want to be the one who cracks you.
rainlover  (OP)

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08/10/2013 05:46 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...


Judgemental much? GET A LIFE and stop trying to analyze and judge people. NO WONDER HE DOESN'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU, I DON'T BLAME HIM! And in the end, you will probably be lonelier, lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29424150


This^. I agree, and I'm a "closed off" woman who keeps people at arms length because they are like the OP- PARASITIC. OP, you sound like you have nothing to offer. You call people who fulfill themselves and don't feed off of others selfish and lonely? You're garbage. You're the only selfish and lonely person in this situation, trying to get into another person's space, uninvited, because you're a lonely and selfish parasite who needs a host. You have nothing valuable to offer this man. You're not interesting or talented. I attract losers like you and I keep them at arm's length too. You're despicable! Men like that look for female equals. People like you justify his (our) behavior. Fool! Lol.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8192241


I have been very honest on this thread. So I am being very honest with saying that this is uncalled for and very harsh. I have a lot to offer, or I wouldn't be interested in someone whom I really think I'd like to get to know. I am not garbage. I'm honestly not selfish and definitely not lonely. I am quite talented and have lots to offer someone, though I am only saying this to show you that I'm nothing like you describe as opposed to bragging about who I am. I am not going to pretend I am his "equal" but then again I am not some loser, either.

Thanks to those who have made to interesting insights on this thread. I did think about all those things today and am taking it all in.
 Quoting: rainlover


Face it OP, you're stalking that poor guy and you're obsessed with him. Why else would you come to a conspiracy site looking to be justified in your feelings?

You should find someone who is interested in you, you shouldn't have to analyze someone on a crazy conspiracy site looking for affirmation and justification of your thoughts and potential actions.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 33791683


Because strangers are the most honest people sometimes, right? Besides, it's a way to talk about it when it's just something I've been thinking about. No big deal. I like to see what others' reactions are or if people have been in similar situations. Nothing sinister about it!
tMarley

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08/10/2013 06:08 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover

Does he cook for a living?
 Quoting: overwatch


No, but I've seen him roast a few people.
 Quoting: rainlover

just asking. That is what I do for a living and we tend to be closed off from the rest of the world, workaholics, and perfectionists, among other things. Ive had people in your shoes before trying to get to know me. I find that the ones who dont push the issue are usually successful. If you try to tear down my walls, that will make me rebuild them stronger and faster.
 Quoting: overwatch



I agree. People that try and push their way in send up crazy amounts of red flags. I'll push them out faster than they ever thought about pushing their way in. The people that make it through to me are the ones that don't try and push it. They show up now and then, but most importantly keep doing so, (gradually working up trust if you will almost as one would a wild horse...) suggesting they are also trying to keep their distance.

Sadly, most often they have to put out the effort. I know it's got to be incredibly frustrating for them. God knows that's how I feel, not being able to just open up and be "normal" so to say. Hell, half the time realizing that only adds to the anxiety - A perpetual free fall into an endless cycle of nagging thoughts that swirl around like a crazed tornado, ripping at every insecurity which often ends up creating new ones only to add to the pile of ammunition being constantly recycled.

Sometimes in the short view, it's less painful to deal with the pain of isolation than deal with oneself.

hiding
rainlover  (OP)

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08/10/2013 06:12 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...

Does he cook for a living?
 Quoting: overwatch


No, but I've seen him roast a few people.
 Quoting: rainlover

just asking. That is what I do for a living and we tend to be closed off from the rest of the world, workaholics, and perfectionists, among other things. Ive had people in your shoes before trying to get to know me. I find that the ones who dont push the issue are usually successful. If you try to tear down my walls, that will make me rebuild them stronger and faster.
 Quoting: overwatch



I agree. People that try and push their way in send up crazy amounts of red flags. I'll push them out faster than they ever thought about pushing their way in. The people that make it through to me are the ones that don't try and push it. They show up now and then, but most importantly keep doing so, (gradually working up trust if you will almost as one would a wild horse...) suggesting they are also trying to keep their distance.

Sadly, most often they have to put out the effort. I know it's got to be incredibly frustrating for them. God knows that's how I feel, not being able to just open up and be "normal" so to say. Hell, half the time realizing that only adds to the anxiety - A perpetual free fall into an endless cycle of nagging thoughts that swirl around like a crazed tornado, ripping at every insecurity which often ends up creating new ones only to add to the pile of ammunition being constantly recycled.

Sometimes in the short view, it's less painful to deal with the pain of isolation than deal with oneself.

hiding
 Quoting: tMarley


Great insight there. I appreciate your honesty. Thank you.
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 06:16 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
im one of those, and your one of the most annoying persons ive met. No your friend will not like you. Fking stalker in a way
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 06:16 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
What are his reasons for being closed off, if you are concerned, do you have an idea as to why he chooses to be closed off
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 43720753


For one, he's rich.

Second, he's single and handsome.

Third, he's sort of powerful.

That's all I got.
 Quoting: rainlover


ow it's like that


cruise


golddiggers starts soon season 5, with that truck n stuff
SteamrolledGobias

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08/10/2013 06:30 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I know the guy. I'm him. I don't have anything in common with anybody I know. I love to meet new people hoping I'm going to have something in common with someone at long last. As soon as I find out I don't, that's it. Any kind of relationship with that person is an exercise in futility.

I'll sit there with my eyes glazed over listening to you talk about things I don't care about and knowing full well you wouldn't give a shit about anything that interests me. So any kind of relationship with you is just a waste of time for the both of us.

He is a person that is so far away from society, that he might as well be from another planet. In my case I spent far too many years hanging around criminals and radicals and fringe people that nothing you normal people do could possibly be of interest to me. Once you've had a conversation with international smugglers about how to get your smuggled goods through Jordanian customs, nothing you could tell me about your life could possibly hold my interest.

He's a true outsider, hardcore to the max. If you're not an outsider yourself, just forget about him. never make the mistake of straying too far from society. Once you leave, you can't come back.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 9704956


Wow. Probably the most depressing post I've read on GLP, but I appreciate your insight. Some of that does make sense.
 Quoting: rainlover


are you serious?

AC's post is probably the best one here. I agree 100% I'm not gonna waste my time listening to people's stories if they don't benefit me in some way. Or if my stories will fly right over their head - some people are just extremely picky about who they spend time with.
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 06:32 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Are you a golddigger OP?
SteamrolledGobias

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08/10/2013 06:40 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
You should read a book called Quiet, OP. It might give you some insight into this man, and people who are like him.

[link to www.amazon.ca]
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl


nice I've never heard of this before. it sounds like a real interesting read I may have to find it sometime
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 06:41 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
What are his reasons for being closed off, if you are concerned, do you have an idea as to why he chooses to be closed off
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 43720753


For one, he's rich.

Second, he's single and handsome.

Third, he's sort of powerful.

That's all I got.
 Quoting: rainlover


Well here is the duh part. He isn't closed off at all and you're just a gold digging whore trying to figure out a way into his life. It's beyond pathetic and you should feel bad for it. He doesn't need you or want you and therefore you are perceiving him as closed off because you can't accept the fact that he just isn't into you. You have failed, get over it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 5944539


How wrong you are. I am about as far away from a "gold digging whore" as a person can get. At times I wish he were a teacher or landscaper so that it could all be "normal." Money does things to a person I guess.
 Quoting: rainlover


I'm that way, though very few people know that I have money and I like it that way. The reason I'm closed to most folks is the same one that allowed me to accumulate wealth. I keep my business to myself.

I'd love to have a true female partner/lover that I could share everything with, but it would take a lifetime to get that close. Some secrets are better off not shared - for everyone's benefit. I'd do anything for a lover and most anything for a friend, but don't ask me to be an open book. It's not my nature. Open book people have facebook accounts - I don't.
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 06:58 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
You should read a book called Quiet, OP. It might give you some insight into this man, and people who are like him.

[link to www.amazon.ca]
 Quoting: AnonymousGirl


nice I've never heard of this before. it sounds like a real interesting read I may have to find it sometime
 Quoting: SteamrolledGobias


It really is. If you're often described as "quiet," you'll probably find a lot you can relate to in it. It's nice when you can find someone who "gets" you, and can describe things exactly as you've felt them. That's how I felt reading the book.
SteamrolledGobias

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08/10/2013 07:15 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
OP if you're still reading I will try to offer some advice. I am 22 years old so I obviously have a slanted view, being inexperienced compared to a 40-50+ year old person.

That said, I have recognized since a young age that I am different than everyone. Most famous/rich people say this because it's true. now the way you describe this guy - money, especially power/control - you are going to need to offer a lot. you need to bring something to the table(as a friend or as a lover) that honestly blows this guy away.

I am a workaholic because I believe I should be while I am young & have the energy. I work 7 days a week every single week.. I've been on this schedule for about 3 years. It is very stressful but also very rewarding. I like to be alone and work, this is not selfish but intelligent. if others decided to work hard while young they could also amass large fortunes themselves(if they make the right moves).

this guy sounds a lot like me once I mature. I will have money, because that is my only goal right now. period. money = control as far as where to live, what kind of house to buy, where I can travel, what I can bring to parties, honestly the list is endless. but it also implies that I have control over choosing my lover and definitely choosing my friends. Like, more than most "average" people would.

with money comes a choice of either being in the spotlight or not. many rich spotlight people become famous for something - writing, producing, directing, acting, etc. others would rather be alone and keep to themselves, experience life with the control they have worked so hard to earn. obviously every person is different but please OP understand that it doesn't matter if you're a girl or a boy.

you need to offer him something unique and beneficial to his life. inspiration, ideas... even good conversation. I choose who I talk with because I know who I'm gonna have a good convo with, and who's gonna sit there chatting about themselves or celebrities or just garbage. I want to sit down and talk deep conspiracy, law, economics, business ideologies, investing... do you understand?

nobody here is trying to attack you for wanting to get close. but you just need to realize that he gained control/money for a reason. you likely won't change his mind and turn him into an open loving care-free kinda guy. I know I certainly wouldn't change once I have serious capital.

my only possible opinion relates to what I would do if a girl or guy approached me like that... I want good conversation. at the very least if someone is going to be "in" my life, they better provide something to make me think. can you get deep, OP? asking about what motivates him, what inspires him, what will make his life worthwhile and fulfilled? if he is willing to share then maybe you can try to help him *nudge nudge wink wink*

but final statement, do not be mad or upset if you fail at this goal. you are honestly not in control, he is and he very likely wanted it that way for a reason. if you are not meant to be welcomed into his life then I'm sorry but you just need to let it go.

best of luck

Last Edited by SteamrolledGobias on 08/10/2013 07:16 PM
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 07:32 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
psychopath would be my guess.
the one I know wont get close to anyone nor talk about his past etc.
found out after being around him a few years that he doesnt talk about anything because he has such a dark past and he is not what he proclaims to be so if he stays quiet then there is not much chance of anything coming back to bite him in the ass.
Jekyl

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08/10/2013 07:34 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Stay away from him? Doesn't appear he wants anyone near him
Anonymous Coward
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08/10/2013 07:47 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Sounds like someone I know. His reason for not getting close to people is that he's been burned in his past, and it's a form of protection. He can't get burned again if he keeps people out.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1625052
United States
08/10/2013 08:28 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Your perception of this person is not necessarily reality. Perhaps he is not closed off at all but FOCUSED on what he wants in life. Perhaps he does not like distractions nor does he have time for them since he is a very busy person.

Seems if he even did give you a moment's notice that he pegged you as someone who would not not accept him for whom he was but would want to change him into whom you would want him to be.....That is what you have said thus far. Right?
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40479590
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08/10/2013 08:29 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
OP if you're still reading I will try to offer some advice. I am 22 years old so I obviously have a slanted view, being inexperienced compared to a 40-50+ year old person.

That said, I have recognized since a young age that I am different than everyone. Most famous/rich people say this because it's true. now the way you describe this guy - money, especially power/control - you are going to need to offer a lot. you need to bring something to the table(as a friend or as a lover) that honestly blows this guy away.

I am a workaholic because I believe I should be while I am young & have the energy. I work 7 days a week every single week.. I've been on this schedule for about 3 years. It is very stressful but also very rewarding. I like to be alone and work, this is not selfish but intelligent. if others decided to work hard while young they could also amass large fortunes themselves(if they make the right moves).

this guy sounds a lot like me once I mature. I will have money, because that is my only goal right now. period. money = control as far as where to live, what kind of house to buy, where I can travel, what I can bring to parties, honestly the list is endless. but it also implies that I have control over choosing my lover and definitely choosing my friends. Like, more than most "average" people would.

with money comes a choice of either being in the spotlight or not. many rich spotlight people become famous for something - writing, producing, directing, acting, etc. others would rather be alone and keep to themselves, experience life with the control they have worked so hard to earn. obviously every person is different but please OP understand that it doesn't matter if you're a girl or a boy.

you need to offer him something unique and beneficial to his life. inspiration, ideas... even good conversation. I choose who I talk with because I know who I'm gonna have a good convo with, and who's gonna sit there chatting about themselves or celebrities or just garbage. I want to sit down and talk deep conspiracy, law, economics, business ideologies, investing... do you understand?

nobody here is trying to attack you for wanting to get close. but you just need to realize that he gained control/money for a reason. you likely won't change his mind and turn him into an open loving care-free kinda guy. I know I certainly wouldn't change once I have serious capital.

my only possible opinion relates to what I would do if a girl or guy approached me like that... I want good conversation. at the very least if someone is going to be "in" my life, they better provide something to make me think. can you get deep, OP? asking about what motivates him, what inspires him, what will make his life worthwhile and fulfilled? if he is willing to share then maybe you can try to help him *nudge nudge wink wink*

but final statement, do not be mad or upset if you fail at this goal. you are honestly not in control, he is and he very likely wanted it that way for a reason. if you are not meant to be welcomed into his life then I'm sorry but you just need to let it go.

best of luck
 Quoting: SteamrolledGobias


Excellent post! You have made me think deeply about the issue. And to add to that, I do not think this "something unique" can be forced at all. Either he will recognize and appreciate it, or he will be bored and move on. But here's the real question to you: what motivates a person to dig beyond the coal to see the diamond? What motivates the person to break the rock to see the jewels inside? Don't you think there has to be something (or a link of sorts) between two people so that they can get to a surface level? Does that make sense?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 19692620
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08/10/2013 08:35 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
He's not interested, OP. Oh well.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40479590
United States
08/10/2013 08:37 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Your perception of this person is not necessarily reality. Perhaps he is not closed off at all but FOCUSED on what he wants in life. Perhaps he does not like distractions nor does he have time for them since he is a very busy person.

Seems if he even did give you a moment's notice that he pegged you as someone who would not not accept him for whom he was but would want to change him into whom you would want him to be.....That is what you have said thus far. Right?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


I hope not because that's not what I mean at all. And you're right, maybe he's just "focused" like you've said. I enjoyed your quick post. Thank you!





GLP