How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person... | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 28022282 United States 08/10/2013 08:47 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
SteamrolledGobias User ID: 15716609 United States 08/10/2013 08:55 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Excellent post! You have made me think deeply about the issue. And to add to that, I do not think this "something unique" can be forced at all. Either he will recognize and appreciate it, or he will be bored and move on. But here's the real question to you: what motivates a person to dig beyond the coal to see the diamond? What motivates the person to break the rock to see the jewels inside? Don't you think there has to be something (or a link of sorts) between two people so that they can get to a surface level? Does that make sense? yes the surface level stuff happens from the stuff you can see, hear, and feel. this is typically called a person's "aura" and every living thing excretes an aura. everybody's outer energy is very different but this energy is what attracts & repels us from people. a base attraction can be made from common ideas. sharing interests or having a great conversation, running into each-other and sharing a funny memory.. any type of immediate connection that should be made. as for motivating someone to go deeper, I wish I had a solution for you. I feel it is different with everybody because we are all motivated by different things. and what motivates our work habits will be different from what motivates our social habits. but i will say to get that inner motivation, sort of like a deeper intuition or having more frequent thoughts about someone, it takes a good impression. not just a first impression but an all-around positive impression where you leave the other person curious and wanting more. This is purely my speculation but I hope it can provide some aid to your questions |
rainlover (OP) User ID: 40479590 United States 08/10/2013 09:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Excellent post! You have made me think deeply about the issue. And to add to that, I do not think this "something unique" can be forced at all. Either he will recognize and appreciate it, or he will be bored and move on. But here's the real question to you: what motivates a person to dig beyond the coal to see the diamond? What motivates the person to break the rock to see the jewels inside? Don't you think there has to be something (or a link of sorts) between two people so that they can get to a surface level? Does that make sense? yes the surface level stuff happens from the stuff you can see, hear, and feel. this is typically called a person's "aura" and every living thing excretes an aura. everybody's outer energy is very different but this energy is what attracts & repels us from people. a base attraction can be made from common ideas. sharing interests or having a great conversation, running into each-other and sharing a funny memory.. any type of immediate connection that should be made. as for motivating someone to go deeper, I wish I had a solution for you. I feel it is different with everybody because we are all motivated by different things. and what motivates our work habits will be different from what motivates our social habits. but i will say to get that inner motivation, sort of like a deeper intuition or having more frequent thoughts about someone, it takes a good impression. not just a first impression but an all-around positive impression where you leave the other person curious and wanting more. This is purely my speculation but I hope it can provide some aid to your questions This is like food from heaven. Thank you so much for offering your thoughts. I have to read your posts like two or three times to let it sink in. Thank you so much. And, your post makes sense to me, that's how I know it's touching my soul. I will consider your words. |
Nerve03 User ID: 22176654 United States 08/10/2013 09:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Do something everybody else is not doing that he pushes away Quoting: RAlN MAN Tell him how you feel, let him know you want him closer to you... That's an excellent suggestion. Then he's free to respond, and then you know.. I think it will free you one way or the other. Do not do this! Worst advise ever! |
RAlN MAN User ID: 37571666 United States 08/10/2013 09:16 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Do something everybody else is not doing that he pushes away Quoting: RAlN MAN Tell him how you feel, let him know you want him closer to you... That's an excellent suggestion. Then he's free to respond, and then you know.. I think it will free you one way or the other. Do not do this! Worst advise ever! STFU. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1625052 United States 08/10/2013 09:26 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers." What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it! I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster! |
Nerve03 User ID: 22176654 United States 08/10/2013 09:32 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Do something everybody else is not doing that he pushes away Quoting: RAlN MAN Tell him how you feel, let him know you want him closer to you... That's an excellent suggestion. Then he's free to respond, and then you know.. I think it will free you one way or the other. Do not do this! Worst advise ever! STFU. No, I just broke up with a clinger like you. I bet you talk in circles about your feelings all the time. If he is anything like me, he hates drama he just wants a couple people around him that he is very close with, everyone else means nothing, and even the people he has let in have probably stabbed him in the back. If you really want a chance with him just talk to him, he can sense your fake kindness and bs immediately. Just talk normally to him. Or you can take the other peoples advice and you have no chance with him. I bet you are somewhat attractive yourself and his lack of interest in you is what is unbearable, work on yourself. |
rainlover (OP) User ID: 34457593 United States 08/10/2013 09:37 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again?? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052 What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers." What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it! I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster! Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1625052 United States 08/10/2013 09:45 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again?? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052 What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers." What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it! I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster! Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you? Lady you are the one who has come here today and announced to the world that this man is "CLOSED OFF." Why would you say such things if in fact you don't believe he is. Are you saying a real estate person can not be closed off or they can be closed off? Sorry I am confused here- you are more of a flip flopper than Mitt Romney. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1625052 United States 08/10/2013 09:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19617445 United States 08/10/2013 10:00 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
rainlover (OP) User ID: 35144019 United States 08/10/2013 11:16 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again?? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052 What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers." What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it! I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster! Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you? Lady you are the one who has come here today and announced to the world that this man is "CLOSED OFF." Why would you say such things if in fact you don't believe he is. Are you saying a real estate person can not be closed off or they can be closed off? Sorry I am confused here- you are more of a flip flopper than Mitt Romney. Why are you so angry over this? You seem to be taking this very personally. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 8192241 United States 08/10/2013 11:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
IZZY BELLE User ID: 1625052 United States 08/11/2013 12:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again?? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052 What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers." What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it! I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster! Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you? Lady you are the one who has come here today and announced to the world that this man is "CLOSED OFF." Why would you say such things if in fact you don't believe he is. Are you saying a real estate person can not be closed off or they can be closed off? Sorry I am confused here- you are more of a flip flopper than Mitt Romney. Why are you so angry over this? You seem to be taking this very personally. So your impression now is that "I am Angry" and this "male person is closed off, doesn't trust people, workaholic and perfectionist." Last Edited by IZZY BELLE on 08/11/2013 10:24 AM IZZY BELLE |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 44941964 Australia 08/11/2013 12:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 41155065 United States 08/11/2013 12:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | He moved away and here I am. I'm trying to get him out of my mind and heart, but can't yet. My advice to you- move on. A closed off guy is not a challenge. It's more a burden, a cross to bear. Run. And don't look back. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 44938282 United States 08/11/2013 01:09 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | People who are naturally better than everyone else do not like to get to know rabble. We interact with people who are on the same path of excellence, but normal people can only let us down. We expect more of ourselves than most and when we see people who do not hold themselves to the same standard it is sickening. |
Southernwoman User ID: 44681827 United States 08/11/2013 01:21 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | He most likely has EXTREMELY high expectations of people, which is why he welcomes strangers, they have not had the chance to disappoint him in his own mind. Quoting: oLOVEz Once he's gotten to know somebody, he may (in his mind) of felt betrayed or something. Maybe he is offended easily, low self esteem? I don't know the guy, but social hermits like making new friends - because they can get rid of them easy if they want to be alone. Well, I wonder if it is low self-esteem, as is he doesn't want people to get close because then they might see the man behind the mask type. He seems to want to be alone but only on his own terms. Selfish, really. Ok, he sounds just like me. How is he being selfish? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 44362085 Canada 08/11/2013 02:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | This isn't a jackpot. I'm trying to understand why you're so invested in this guy. I haven't read all of the posts, but from what I did, all you seem to know is that he's rich and good looking. Based on that, you seem to be dying to break through his shell. Why? It's like he's just some prize you want to win...Maybe I'm wrong. It all seems so manipulative to me. You're looking for advice on how to catch him in your net when you don't even know a thing about him... |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 17240427 Netherlands 08/11/2013 03:17 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 44171044 Finland 08/11/2013 05:11 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | What comes to he being "selfish" for meeting people "on his on terms". It's HIS life, not yours. Whys should he agree to your terms any more than anyone elses, get a grip. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 44953476 Malaysia 08/11/2013 09:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist. Quoting: rainlover How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms. Thoughts/ideas/suggestions? Why would you wanna change him? Let him be. A good friend will never try to change, but be a good listener instead and don't judge him for 'what' he is. If you ARE a good friend, he will eventually open up to you - at his OWN pace and time. |
rainlover (OP) User ID: 35306292 United States 08/11/2013 09:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | What turned into a nice thread with lots of great advice has become very negative and condescending. The ones spewing advice and criticism are the very ones who haven't bothered to read the entire thread. Thank you for those who responded kindly, but I am finished with my own thread. Of course I cannot give every detail of this guy's life, but was simply asked about him. I was honest. Thank you and good-bye as I won't comment further to any more responses. What a disappointing end to some great advice. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 44957867 Australia 08/11/2013 09:31 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Jon User ID: 44957855 United States 08/11/2013 09:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | What turned into a nice thread with lots of great advice has become very negative and condescending. The ones spewing advice and criticism are the very ones who haven't bothered to read the entire thread. Quoting: rainlover Thank you for those who responded kindly, but I am finished with my own thread. Of course I cannot give every detail of this guy's life, but was simply asked about him. I was honest. Thank you and good-bye as I won't comment further to any more responses. What a disappointing end to some great advice. The guy sounds a lot like myself and I am also in real estate. I meet so many women in my line of work that I would never settle for one, if I did I know I would cheat. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 25249076 United States 08/11/2013 09:39 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 39267849 Canada 08/11/2013 09:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Op, next time keep all your posts gender neutral. As soon as the men here find out someone is a woman, they post such hatred and vitriole, simply because they are brainwashed that all women are evil. I would say look for someone else as well. A partner who is emotionally closed down has issues to heal, and those issues become your issues. Look for someone who is compatible in terms of a spiritual path; someone who is at the same psychological development as yourself. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 25249076 United States 08/11/2013 09:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | People who are naturally better than everyone else do not like to get to know rabble. We interact with people who are on the same path of excellence, but normal people can only let us down. We expect more of ourselves than most and when we see people who do not hold themselves to the same standard it is sickening. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44938282 This. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 25249076 United States 08/11/2013 09:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | What turned into a nice thread with lots of great advice has become very negative and condescending. The ones spewing advice and criticism are the very ones who haven't bothered to read the entire thread. Quoting: rainlover Thank you for those who responded kindly, but I am finished with my own thread. Of course I cannot give every detail of this guy's life, but was simply asked about him. I was honest. Thank you and good-bye as I won't comment further to any more responses. What a disappointing end to some great advice. The guy sounds a lot like myself and I am also in real estate. I meet so many women in my line of work that I would never settle for one, if I did I know I would cheat. Which is why op' s object of desire seems 'closed off', he knows how to play the field and obviously wants nothing to do with op. Shameful how a woman will throw herself at a man who won't even give her the time of day. I think the op has issues, not the guy. |
STARLING User ID: 40765247 United States 08/11/2013 09:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist. Quoting: rainlover How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms. Thoughts/ideas/suggestions? Shove his bible up his ass sideways. That usually opens em up. Before you die you will wretch on your own hate, at that point not even you will care! Good luck with that asshole. |