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How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 28022282
United States
08/10/2013 08:47 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Gold dig much?? Hopefully he's smart to and will RUN. the other way
SteamrolledGobias

User ID: 15716609
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08/10/2013 08:55 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
...
 Quoting: SteamrolledGobias


Excellent post! You have made me think deeply about the issue. And to add to that, I do not think this "something unique" can be forced at all. Either he will recognize and appreciate it, or he will be bored and move on. But here's the real question to you: what motivates a person to dig beyond the coal to see the diamond? What motivates the person to break the rock to see the jewels inside? Don't you think there has to be something (or a link of sorts) between two people so that they can get to a surface level? Does that make sense?
 Quoting: rainlover


yes the surface level stuff happens from the stuff you can see, hear, and feel. this is typically called a person's "aura" and every living thing excretes an aura. everybody's outer energy is very different but this energy is what attracts & repels us from people.

a base attraction can be made from common ideas. sharing interests or having a great conversation, running into each-other and sharing a funny memory.. any type of immediate connection that should be made.

as for motivating someone to go deeper, I wish I had a solution for you. I feel it is different with everybody because we are all motivated by different things. and what motivates our work habits will be different from what motivates our social habits.

but i will say to get that inner motivation, sort of like a deeper intuition or having more frequent thoughts about someone, it takes a good impression. not just a first impression but an all-around positive impression where you leave the other person curious and wanting more. This is purely my speculation but I hope it can provide some aid to your questions
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 40479590
United States
08/10/2013 09:00 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
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 Quoting: SteamrolledGobias


Excellent post! You have made me think deeply about the issue. And to add to that, I do not think this "something unique" can be forced at all. Either he will recognize and appreciate it, or he will be bored and move on. But here's the real question to you: what motivates a person to dig beyond the coal to see the diamond? What motivates the person to break the rock to see the jewels inside? Don't you think there has to be something (or a link of sorts) between two people so that they can get to a surface level? Does that make sense?
 Quoting: rainlover


yes the surface level stuff happens from the stuff you can see, hear, and feel. this is typically called a person's "aura" and every living thing excretes an aura. everybody's outer energy is very different but this energy is what attracts & repels us from people.

a base attraction can be made from common ideas. sharing interests or having a great conversation, running into each-other and sharing a funny memory.. any type of immediate connection that should be made.

as for motivating someone to go deeper, I wish I had a solution for you. I feel it is different with everybody because we are all motivated by different things. and what motivates our work habits will be different from what motivates our social habits.

but i will say to get that inner motivation, sort of like a deeper intuition or having more frequent thoughts about someone, it takes a good impression. not just a first impression but an all-around positive impression where you leave the other person curious and wanting more. This is purely my speculation but I hope it can provide some aid to your questions
 Quoting: SteamrolledGobias


This is like food from heaven. Thank you so much for offering your thoughts. I have to read your posts like two or three times to let it sink in. Thank you so much. And, your post makes sense to me, that's how I know it's touching my soul. I will consider your words.
Nerve03

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United States
08/10/2013 09:14 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Do something everybody else is not doing that he pushes away

Tell him how you feel, let him know you want him closer to you...
 Quoting: RAlN MAN


That's an excellent suggestion. Then he's free to respond, and then you know.. I think it will free you one way or the other.
 Quoting: reader9


Do not do this! Worst advise ever!
RAlN MAN

User ID: 37571666
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08/10/2013 09:16 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Do something everybody else is not doing that he pushes away

Tell him how you feel, let him know you want him closer to you...
 Quoting: RAlN MAN


That's an excellent suggestion. Then he's free to respond, and then you know.. I think it will free you one way or the other.
 Quoting: reader9


Do not do this! Worst advise ever!
 Quoting: Nerve03


STFU.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1625052
United States
08/10/2013 09:26 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again??

What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers."

What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it!

I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster!
Nerve03

User ID: 22176654
United States
08/10/2013 09:32 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Do something everybody else is not doing that he pushes away

Tell him how you feel, let him know you want him closer to you...
 Quoting: RAlN MAN


That's an excellent suggestion. Then he's free to respond, and then you know.. I think it will free you one way or the other.
 Quoting: reader9


Do not do this! Worst advise ever!
 Quoting: Nerve03


STFU.
 Quoting: RAlN MAN


No, I just broke up with a clinger like you. I bet you talk in circles about your feelings all the time. If he is anything like me, he hates drama he just wants a couple people around him that he is very close with, everyone else means nothing, and even the people he has let in have probably stabbed him in the back.

If you really want a chance with him just talk to him, he can sense your fake kindness and bs immediately. Just talk normally to him. Or you can take the other peoples advice and you have no chance with him.

I bet you are somewhat attractive yourself and his lack of interest in you is what is unbearable, work on yourself.
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 34457593
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08/10/2013 09:37 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again??

What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers."

What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it!

I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you?
Anonymous Coward
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United States
08/10/2013 09:45 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again??

What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers."

What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it!

I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you?
 Quoting: rainlover


Lady you are the one who has come here today and announced to the world that this man is "CLOSED OFF." Why would you say such things if in fact you don't believe he is. Are you saying a real estate person can not be closed off or they can be closed off? Sorry I am confused here- you are more of a flip flopper than Mitt Romney.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
08/10/2013 09:56 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
antibs
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08/10/2013 10:00 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
rainlover  (OP)

User ID: 35144019
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08/10/2013 11:16 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again??

What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers."

What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it!

I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you?
 Quoting: rainlover


Lady you are the one who has come here today and announced to the world that this man is "CLOSED OFF." Why would you say such things if in fact you don't believe he is. Are you saying a real estate person can not be closed off or they can be closed off? Sorry I am confused here- you are more of a flip flopper than Mitt Romney.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


Why are you so angry over this? You seem to be taking this very personally.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8192241
United States
08/10/2013 11:48 PM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
OP, every response that doesn't flatter you you act like there is something wrong with the poster that wrote it... Are you a pre-teen? LOL
IZZY BELLE

User ID: 1625052
United States
08/11/2013 12:40 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Why don't you try to get a routine yourself OP? Why don't you try waking up around 4-5am and running or going to the gym..come home and drink a protein shake and get ready for work. Go back to the gym again to wind down after work and have another protein shake. Come back home and take care of more work stuff to be on target the next day. Then sleep for about 4 hours and do it again??

What is wrong with being polite to others that you meet along the way? I guess that is who you are referring to when you say "strangers."

What is wrong with being focused? How does that mean he is closed off? If he has a routine and works everyday he is far from being closed off and isolated...If you really do wish to ever have a chance at anything with this person you need to keep your perceptions of him to yourself as you have come here and labeled this person as "closed off" and others have taken that to mean he is mentally ill..and you have allowed it!

I promise you one thing, if he ever knew that you even somewhat indicated that he had any mentally ill tendencies such as isolation..you would be history from the get go...what have said sounds like a man trying to achieve his goals without distractions...and you have turned him into a monster!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


Since he sells real estate, don't you think it's kind of the opposite that he would be "closed off"? I've not turned this person into anything. Most people who know of this person also label him as "closed off." You seem to be taking my perception of him and characterizing it as something negative when all I am doing is echoing the sentiment of lots of people who also know this guy. So unless you know this person (you don't), then back off a little why don't you?
 Quoting: rainlover


Lady you are the one who has come here today and announced to the world that this man is "CLOSED OFF." Why would you say such things if in fact you don't believe he is. Are you saying a real estate person can not be closed off or they can be closed off? Sorry I am confused here- you are more of a flip flopper than Mitt Romney.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1625052


Why are you so angry over this? You seem to be taking this very personallyyak.
 Quoting: rainlover


So your impression now is that "I am Angry" and this
"male person is closed off, doesn't trust people, workaholic and perfectionist." wtfhidingwhateveryakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakyakshitstreamshitstreamstirstirfightfighttdowntdownshitstreamshitstream

Last Edited by IZZY BELLE on 08/11/2013 10:24 AM
IZZY BELLE
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 12:45 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
OP sounds like an arrogant bitch and the guy sounds like a decent person.

Leave him alone OP, and wallow in ur own filth.
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 12:51 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
OP I'm in love with a closed off guy. He is just a "regular guy" definitely not rich or powerful but very smart and hard working and has a heart of gold. Yet, he is very closed off and will only see me on his terms. I do love him, but he won't start a relationship with me. I even was pregnant with his child. We still talk from time to time and yet, that's it.

He moved away and here I am.

I'm trying to get him out of my mind and heart, but can't yet.

My advice to you- move on. A closed off guy is not a challenge. It's more a burden, a cross to bear. Run. And don't look back.
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 01:09 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
People who are naturally better than everyone else do not like to get to know rabble. We interact with people who are on the same path of excellence, but normal people can only let us down. We expect more of ourselves than most and when we see people who do not hold themselves to the same standard it is sickening.
Southernwoman
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08/11/2013 01:21 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
He most likely has EXTREMELY high expectations of people, which is why he welcomes strangers, they have not had the chance to disappoint him in his own mind.

Once he's gotten to know somebody, he may (in his mind) of felt betrayed or something. Maybe he is offended easily, low self esteem?

I don't know the guy, but social hermits like making new friends - because they can get rid of them easy if they want to be alone.
 Quoting: oLOVEz


Well, I wonder if it is low self-esteem, as is he doesn't want people to get close because then they might see the man behind the mask type.

He seems to want to be alone but only on his own terms. Selfish, really.
 Quoting: rainlover


Ok, he sounds just like me.

How is he being selfish?
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 02:40 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
This isn't a jackpot. I'm trying to understand why you're so invested in this guy. I haven't read all of the posts, but from what I did, all you seem to know is that he's rich and good looking. Based on that, you seem to be dying to break through his shell. Why? It's like he's just some prize you want to win...Maybe I'm wrong. It all seems so manipulative to me. You're looking for advice on how to catch him in your net when you don't even know a thing about him...
Anonymous Coward
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Netherlands
08/11/2013 03:17 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
I don't understand why people think its all about selfishness?

Also maybe the guy has 435 women thrown at him everyday by now......


seriously explain the selfishness thing if you can...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 44171044
Finland
08/11/2013 05:11 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Such a silly thread.. it sounds like some 14 years old girl trying to get advice how to get Justin Bieber interested. To me it looks like the guy is perfectly ok with being alone. It doesn't matter whether he is super social or "closed off".. He just isn't interested. Let it go and find some other guy that is "rich and powerful and handsome" and play with him. Plenty of fishes who can enjoy your childish drama games and pay you nice jewels and clothes.

What comes to he being "selfish" for meeting people "on his on terms". It's HIS life, not yours. Whys should he agree to your terms any more than anyone elses, get a grip.
Anonymous Coward
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Malaysia
08/11/2013 09:07 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover



Why would you wanna change him? Let him be. A good friend will never try to change, but be a good listener instead and don't judge him for 'what' he is. If you ARE a good friend, he will eventually open up to you - at his OWN pace and time.
rainlover  (OP)

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08/11/2013 09:29 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
What turned into a nice thread with lots of great advice has become very negative and condescending. The ones spewing advice and criticism are the very ones who haven't bothered to read the entire thread.

Thank you for those who responded kindly, but I am finished with my own thread. Of course I cannot give every detail of this guy's life, but was simply asked about him. I was honest.

Thank you and good-bye as I won't comment further to any more responses. What a disappointing end to some great advice.
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
08/11/2013 09:31 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
You want advice on the truth?

Stop being a bitch and get on with your life and let the guy do the same.

Stalker weirdo.
Jon
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08/11/2013 09:38 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
What turned into a nice thread with lots of great advice has become very negative and condescending. The ones spewing advice and criticism are the very ones who haven't bothered to read the entire thread.

Thank you for those who responded kindly, but I am finished with my own thread. Of course I cannot give every detail of this guy's life, but was simply asked about him. I was honest.

Thank you and good-bye as I won't comment further to any more responses. What a disappointing end to some great advice.
 Quoting: rainlover


The guy sounds a lot like myself and I am also in real estate. I meet so many women in my line of work that I would never settle for one, if I did I know I would cheat.
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 09:39 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
You want advice on the truth?

Stop being a bitch and get on with your life and let the guy do the same.

Stalker weirdo.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44957867


Op is a total weirdo stalker.
Anonymous Coward
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Canada
08/11/2013 09:40 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
Op, next time keep all your posts gender neutral. As soon as the men here find out someone is a woman, they post such hatred and vitriole, simply because they are brainwashed that all women are evil.

I would say look for someone else as well. A partner who is emotionally closed down has issues to heal, and those issues become your issues. Look for someone who is compatible in terms of a spiritual path; someone who is at the same psychological development as yourself.
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 09:41 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
People who are naturally better than everyone else do not like to get to know rabble. We interact with people who are on the same path of excellence, but normal people can only let us down. We expect more of ourselves than most and when we see people who do not hold themselves to the same standard it is sickening.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 44938282


This.
Anonymous Coward
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08/11/2013 09:44 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
What turned into a nice thread with lots of great advice has become very negative and condescending. The ones spewing advice and criticism are the very ones who haven't bothered to read the entire thread.

Thank you for those who responded kindly, but I am finished with my own thread. Of course I cannot give every detail of this guy's life, but was simply asked about him. I was honest.

Thank you and good-bye as I won't comment further to any more responses. What a disappointing end to some great advice.
 Quoting: rainlover


The guy sounds a lot like myself and I am also in real estate. I meet so many women in my line of work that I would never settle for one, if I did I know I would cheat.
 Quoting: Jon 44957855


Which is why op' s object of desire seems 'closed off', he knows how to play the field and obviously wants nothing to do with op. Shameful how a woman will throw herself at a man who won't even give her the time of day. I think the op has issues, not the guy.
STARLING

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08/11/2013 09:49 AM
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Re: How to deal with a CLOSED OFF person...
There's this male person I know and he is very closed off. Doesn't trust people. Workaholic and a perfectionist.

How do you deal with someone like that? I've tried to get close but this person keeps me and everyone else at an arm's distance if he knows you. If you're a stranger, he welcomes you with open arms.

Thoughts/ideas/suggestions?
 Quoting: rainlover


Shove his bible up his ass sideways.

That usually opens em up.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34652395

Before you die you will wretch on your own hate, at that point not even you will care! Good luck with that asshole.





GLP