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Message Subject Earthquake Thread ~ Always Updated*5.9 Greece*5.6 Bismarck Sea*5.1 Mariana Islands*5.0 Mariana Islands*5.0 Mariana Islands*5.0 Vanuatu ~ Pg 20373
Poster Handle Lekker
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Ok, I shall do this now... this is part of my human experience, and it’s all just coming full circle... if anyone can relate to me in anyway maybe it could help someone...

I'm going back to So Cal to live with my ex-boyfriend from 16 years ago. How does something like that happen?
I was 19 years old, and he was my student (I was a teacher’s assistant, I wanted to be a teacher.) He was 17. We were instantly driven towards each other, no matter how hard we tried not to. He was punk rock, and I went to his practices and him singing was just like angels singing to me, I swear it! ha ha

I eventually lost my job, but I didn’t care I was SO in love. I could not stay away from him!

Well, his parents did not approve of our relationship, and proceeded to send him to Czech Republic to a behavior modification program that was part of WWASP... I only knew they had sent him to the Czech Republic, they said he was going to stay with family and go to school... I was devastated and shocked. I was at the HEIGHT of being in love with someone, and he was now ripped away from me... This is where my psychotic break occurred... where my bipolar now turned into schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. I was broken. Dealing with this, and the schizophrenic symptoms’ I was having, waiting on anything from him, a letter something... I had to run... had to numb myself... had to forget the euphoric feeling of love and joy that I felt with him... It was so painful that every day without him just killed something more inside of me. I at this point wasn't treated in my mental illness, nor would I really get a handle on it till I turned to marijuana completely (this past year) and have had much success with it.

I had no idea he was like in a prison. But atleast in prison you can write and call! He could do nothing to contact me, but I had no idea…

I got pregnant, but was saved by that at that point as my spiral into drugs, sex and alcohol infused me beyond even what I can even now remember about it. I can’t remember things now. Fast forward 16 years. I’m divorced and had been sick for 2 years, and was living in a state of precancer with no hope of Idaho helping me with the surgery I needed… this changed me immensely. Buddhism came through for me. And every procedure, test or anything… I told myself if I could get through this, and keep going, and I beat this I would go see him one more time. I had the opportunity to move with family to Colorado and right before my surgery I met back up with him on FB.
Man, when I think about it I just get so happy that I eventually took the trip back home to see him, and my family too! So amazing! Nothing had changed, that love was still there… it is timeless! Leaving was hard… but then now, I’m moving there at the end of this month, I’ll be with him and my family. And be back home, where I belong!
Oh, I’m not very detailed if you can’t tell ha ha but he is the opposite. His mind and memories and attention to details are such a gift! He will be writing a book…

What makes me sad is the fact that I have lost complete memories of him… that something was so painful that even good memories became a source of such great a pain… I had to block to the point of forgetting. He thinks they might come back to me. I just don’t know. But I am looking forward to every memory I can with him now, and I will never take a moment in time with him for granted. He doesn’t fill a void; he completes me!

Love is all that matters!
 Quoting: Earth420


verysad Shoooo!

hf To love....
 
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