well I'm shaking like a leaf and hoping I don't regret this, because I am so tired of always looking back and saying I should have done this or shouldn't have done that, but I took a leap of faith, realized that certain things were just really getting to me too much, and gave notice to where I am living at and will be hitting the road and leaving this place by October 1st. If I haven't found a place that allows three dogs and a smoker and toker but someone whoPAYS THE RENT ON TIME AND DOESN'T DESTROY SHIT by then, I will just find a motel room that does until I do.

I realized when my cigs go up from one carton a month to TWO cartons because I am smoking MORE because I HAVE to go outside, and building up a resentment every single time I do it, that it's not healthy for me. I tried to adapt and count my blessings because it's a beautiful place, but it's not what makes me happy, and I guess I am just too set in my ways where certain things are concerned to even WANT to change, so what gave was ME.

sorry for rambling so much here. my heart is pounding because this is big for me, but I have to trust myself for a change.