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Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..

 
gracebear
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User ID: 14930628
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01/21/2014 09:46 PM
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Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?

Then, I want you to ask let's say there was a breach in trust, on either person, in the relationship.
In that case, how would you handle the idea of, your partner, having friends of the opposite sex?

This has been an issue for me and just would like a big pool of advice.

Please only serious posts hf
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
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SevenThunders

User ID: 47717634
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01/21/2014 09:49 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
Anonymous Coward
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01/21/2014 09:57 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders


Talk about hitting the nail on the head.
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
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01/21/2014 09:58 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders



For the record, I'm a female asking the question.

I dont' believe that most guys aren't just "friends" with girls.
Maybe that's cause I'm a girl and that's just my bias.
I just find it unfortunate that this is such a big issue.
So, how did you address the problem? Did you ask her to not hangout with them? or how did you put your mind at ease?
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39617624
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01/21/2014 10:00 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I don't approve.

9 times out of 10 the male friend is sexually attracted to the female and hopes one day he will get his chance.

Why else would a male want to hang around a female?
Balloons

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01/21/2014 10:00 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders



For the record, I'm a female asking the question.

I dont' believe that most guys aren't just "friends" with girls.
Maybe that's cause I'm a girl and that's just my bias.
I just find it unfortunate that this is such a big issue.
So, how did you address the problem? Did you ask her to not hangout with them? or how did you put your mind at ease?
 Quoting: gracebear


Well if guys are single, then just friends is relative
Always something stirring behind the curtain
Please hold still so I can cut your hair long
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
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01/21/2014 10:01 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders


Talk about hitting the nail on the head.
 Quoting: Whynow



I think there could be a sign of insecurity.

My grandparents have been married about 30+ years.
TO THIS DAY, my grandpa accuses my grandma of having "boyfriend" whenver she attempts to go someplace without him.
IT GETS ON MY NERVES. It should NOT be that way for anyone.
I udnerstand it gets complicated when there is cheating or suspicion of cheating.

*sigh*
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
Anonymous Coward
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01/21/2014 10:02 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Women are the same way though. They'll sleep with a man just to bust up a happy relationship because they can't sustain one. Women are vicious.
Anonymous Coward
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01/21/2014 10:07 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
They are "friends" alright. "Friends with Benefits"

If a female wants male friends then she does so just in case "Plan A" does not work out and "plan B" is sitting and waiting in the wings. Plan B needs some "encouragement" to wait around.


.
.
gracebear  (OP)

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01/21/2014 10:08 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I don't approve.

9 times out of 10 the male friend is sexually attracted to the female and hopes one day he will get his chance.

Why else would a male want to hang around a female?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39617624



For friendship??? Legit Friendship!
I know there are males like that because my boyfriend is one of them.
He has told me that he would be genuinely friendly and they automatically assumed he was interested in them.
So, I guess he is the 1/10.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
ssle

User ID: 44553387
United States
01/21/2014 10:11 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Or are they
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?
 Quoting: gracebear

Depends on the friendship and the relationship.

Married or dating? If you're just dating, even if you're living together, you don't have much grounds for argument. Until you've got the ring, you're two people who are with each other until you're not. Marriage, being a contract, has a bit stricter rules. I'm married, so giving my opinion from that angle.

Are they old friends he catches up with from time to time? If so, no problems here.

Or are they "close" friends he goes to see alone or talks to until all hours of the night? Other relationships don't have to end when you get married, but sometimes they do have to change. I would have a problem with my husband having a high level of intimacy and involving so much of his time/emotions in another, non-relative woman.

Then, I want you to ask let's say there was a breach in trust, on either person, in the relationship.
In that case, how would you handle the idea of, your partner, having friends of the opposite sex?
 Quoting: gracebear

What was this breech of trust? That's a fairly nebulous question.
Everyone is worth knowing. Everything is worth learning.
You're never too good. You're never not good enough.
Arizone

User ID: 19617445
United States
01/21/2014 10:16 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Are we still on this?
It's my nature
Arizone

User ID: 19617445
United States
01/21/2014 10:18 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
They are "friends" alright. "Friends with Benefits"

If a female wants male friends then she does so just in case "Plan A" does not work out and "plan B" is sitting and waiting in the wings. Plan B needs some "encouragement" to wait around.


.
.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 53236027


Probably
It's my nature
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 52739123
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01/21/2014 10:18 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders



For the record, I'm a female asking the question.

I dont' believe that most guys aren't just "friends" with girls.
Maybe that's cause I'm a girl and that's just my bias.
I just find it unfortunate that this is such a big issue.
So, how did you address the problem? Did you ask her to not hangout with them? or how did you put your mind at ease?
 Quoting: gracebear


Happily married women who are smart will choose not to have any male friends (only male friends that are friends with the husband , and will not hang out with men out of respect to the husband). Women that need to have male friends outside of the marriage are the ones who wind up cheating because they have low self esteem, no self worth and always believe that sweet talking guy when he tells her the grass is greener on his side... the rise in divorce is also because the average person now has 100s of opposite sex friends on Facebook and other social media.

Happily married couples stay off social media, or share one account.
Anonymous Coward
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01/21/2014 10:21 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Women are the same way though. They'll sleep with a man just to bust up a happy relationship because they can't sustain one. Women are vicious.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 53234950


This.
Balloons

User ID: 33781432
Denmark
01/21/2014 10:23 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
They are "friends" alright. "Friends with Benefits"

If a female wants male friends then she does so just in case "Plan A" does not work out and "plan B" is sitting and waiting in the wings. Plan B needs some "encouragement" to wait around.


.
.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 53236027


Probably
 Quoting: Arizone


This is really a most hideous and malicious tendency
Please hold still so I can cut your hair long
ssle

User ID: 44553387
United States
01/21/2014 10:24 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Happily married women who are smart will choose not to have any male friends (only male friends that are friends with the husband , and will not hang out with men out of respect to the husband). Women that need to have male friends outside of the marriage are the ones who wind up cheating because they have low self esteem, no self worth and always believe that sweet talking guy when he tells her the grass is greener on his side... the rise in divorce is also because the average person now has 100s of opposite sex friends on Facebook and other social media.

Happily married couples stay off social media, or share one account.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 52739123

^^ this right here

We don't share one account, mostly because my husband never uses his and mine is linked to a lot of my clients' Facebook pages. I think if either of us were heavy social media users for the purpose of socializing, we'd share an account.
Everyone is worth knowing. Everything is worth learning.
You're never too good. You're never not good enough.
gracebear  (OP)

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01/21/2014 10:24 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Women are the same way though. They'll sleep with a man just to bust up a happy relationship because they can't sustain one. Women are vicious.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 53234950



Yeah, well men aren't innocent either.
I'm asking you though, do you approve of it ?
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 52739123
United States
01/21/2014 10:25 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders



For the record, I'm a female asking the question.

I dont' believe that most guys aren't just "friends" with girls.
Maybe that's cause I'm a girl and that's just my bias.
I just find it unfortunate that this is such a big issue.
So, how did you address the problem? Did you ask her to not hangout with them? or how did you put your mind at ease?
 Quoting: gracebear


Happily married women who are smart will choose not to have any male friends (only male friends that are friends with the husband , and will not hang out with men out of respect to the husband). Women that need to have male friends outside of the marriage are the ones who wind up cheating because they have low self esteem, no self worth and always believe that sweet talking guy when he tells her the grass is greener on his side... the rise in divorce is also because the average person now has 100s of opposite sex friends on Facebook and other social media.

Happily married couples stay off social media, or share one account.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 52739123


I forgot to say, if you are not ready to make your husband the only man in your life that you are truly and loyally devoted to, then that is a red flag you are not ready for marriage, or he's not the right guy to marry. I've heard women friends say they keep men friends around because they sometimes feel their husband's are not right for them. Sad.
Anonymous Coward
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01/21/2014 10:25 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders



For the record, I'm a female asking the question.

I dont' believe that most guys aren't just "friends" with girls.
Maybe that's cause I'm a girl and that's just my bias.
I just find it unfortunate that this is such a big issue.
So, how did you address the problem? Did you ask her to not hangout with them? or how did you put your mind at ease?
 Quoting: gracebear


Happily married women who are smart will choose not to have any male friends (only male friends that are friends with the husband , and will not hang out with men out of respect to the husband). Women that need to have male friends outside of the marriage are the ones who wind up cheating because they have low self esteem, no self worth and always believe that sweet talking guy when he tells her the grass is greener on his side... the rise in divorce is also because the average person now has 100s of opposite sex friends on Facebook and other social media.

Happily married couples stay off social media, or share one account.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 52739123


I forgot to say, if you are not ready to make your husband the only man in your life that you are truly and loyally devoted to, then that is a red flag you are not ready for marriage, or he's not the right guy to marry. I've heard women friends say they keep men friends around because they sometimes feel their husband's are not right for them. Sad.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
01/21/2014 10:29 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
A man can have women friends, but a woman can't have male friends. It's that simple.
Arizone

User ID: 19617445
United States
01/21/2014 10:30 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
They are "friends" alright. "Friends with Benefits"

If a female wants male friends then she does so just in case "Plan A" does not work out and "plan B" is sitting and waiting in the wings. Plan B needs some "encouragement" to wait around.


.
.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 53236027


Probably
 Quoting: Arizone


This is really a most hideous and malicious tendency
 Quoting: Balloons


Sorry I was just giving my opinion verysad
It's my nature
Anonymous Coward
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01/21/2014 10:32 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
If they are all too friendly with others they will eventually cheat if they haven't already. Move on.
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
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01/21/2014 10:33 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Or are they
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?
 Quoting: gracebear

Depends on the friendship and the relationship.

Married or dating? If you're just dating, even if you're living together, you don't have much grounds for argument. Until you've got the ring, you're two people who are with each other until you're not. Marriage, being a contract, has a bit stricter rules. I'm married, so giving my opinion from that angle.

Are they old friends he catches up with from time to time? If so, no problems here.

Or are they "close" friends he goes to see alone or talks to until all hours of the night? Other relationships don't have to end when you get married, but sometimes they do have to change. I would have a problem with my husband having a high level of intimacy and involving so much of his time/emotions in another, non-relative woman.

Then, I want you to ask let's say there was a breach in trust, on either person, in the relationship.
In that case, how would you handle the idea of, your partner, having friends of the opposite sex?
 Quoting: gracebear

What was this breech of trust? That's a fairly nebulous question.
 Quoting: ssle



I am speaking from a dating angle.

Yeah, I agree. Marriage doesn't leave room for that. The spouses should be going to eachother for that type of intimacy or deep connection.
Just for the sake of privacy we'll keep it neutral and I wont see it's either of us.

I just wish this would go away, but I know if i get married it wil be worse "stricter".
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
United States
01/21/2014 10:33 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Are we still on this?
 Quoting: Arizone



YES.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
Balloons

User ID: 33781432
Denmark
01/21/2014 10:35 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
They are "friends" alright. "Friends with Benefits"

If a female wants male friends then she does so just in case "Plan A" does not work out and "plan B" is sitting and waiting in the wings. Plan B needs some "encouragement" to wait around.


.
.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 53236027


Probably
 Quoting: Arizone


This is really a most hideous and malicious tendency
 Quoting: Balloons


Sorry I was just giving my opinion verysad
 Quoting: Arizone


Was not referring to you, was referring to this situation

If a female wants male friends then she does so just in case "Plan A" does not work out and "plan B" is sitting and waiting in the wings. Plan B needs some "encouragement" to wait around.

Don't worry hf
Please hold still so I can cut your hair long
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 53215621
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01/21/2014 10:36 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Depends on the person there friends with,depends on the situation between the couple and what each can provide to the other. Marriage or not, to me makes no difference you shouldn't get married and then say oh ok now the rules change.
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
United States
01/21/2014 10:37 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My old girlfriend had a coterie of male 'friends'. They were primarily ex lovers who would just hang around hoping for a weak moment.

In general most guys aren't just 'friends' with girls, especially if the women are attractive. I'd make sure she was aware of that. Perhaps you could start hanging out with lovely female friends yourself and see if she's down for that.

I'm guessing your girl just likes the attention.
 Quoting: SevenThunders



For the record, I'm a female asking the question.

I dont' believe that most guys aren't just "friends" with girls.
Maybe that's cause I'm a girl and that's just my bias.
I just find it unfortunate that this is such a big issue.
So, how did you address the problem? Did you ask her to not hangout with them? or how did you put your mind at ease?
 Quoting: gracebear


Happily married women who are smart will choose not to have any male friends (only male friends that are friends with the husband , and will not hang out with men out of respect to the husband). Women that need to have male friends outside of the marriage are the ones who wind up cheating because they have low self esteem, no self worth and always believe that sweet talking guy when he tells her the grass is greener on his side... the rise in divorce is also because the average person now has 100s of opposite sex friends on Facebook and other social media.

Happily married couples stay off social media, or share one account.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 52739123



I just think there are too many rules. I don't like it, but I understand why they are there. It's out of respect for eachother.

As far as the social media, I already knew not to go down that path. It's not worth the headache.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 52739123
United States
01/21/2014 10:38 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
A man can have women friends, but a woman can't have male friends. It's that simple.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 15289770


It really is simple.

And if a woman needs a man beyond her husband as a 'friend', then she married the wrong guy. When you marry the right man you really don't have the time to be friends with or think about another man. <----- Simple truth.
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
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01/21/2014 10:40 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I understand that if trust is breached then there will be more suscipion.
Even if the person is insecure, I understand they wouldn't feel comfortable with their partner having friends of the opposite sex.

The issue for me is not being able to do what you want.
(Not to sound selfish)
Am I wrong for thinking that way?
Maybe I need to do a whole self assessement and find out what the heart of my problem is.
I just feel like a giant mess sometimes and other times I seem to have it all together.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
Arizone

User ID: 19617445
United States
01/21/2014 10:41 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
...


Probably
 Quoting: Arizone


This is really a most hideous and malicious tendency
 Quoting: Balloons


Sorry I was just giving my opinion verysad
 Quoting: Arizone


Was not referring to you, was referring to this situation

If a female wants male friends then she does so just in case "Plan A" does not work out and "plan B" is sitting and waiting in the wings. Plan B needs some "encouragement" to wait around.

Don't worry hf
 Quoting: Balloons


Ok hugs
It's my nature





GLP