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Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..

 
DINNER FOR ONE
User ID: 25161778
United States
01/23/2014 01:51 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?

Please only serious posts hf
 Quoting: gracebear


Hey Grace,
 Quoting: Brightstarz


Hey Grace!

Be VERY careful of accepting or listening to Brightstarz.
Brightstarz was formerly known as FIREMAN2013 and was banned on GLP for posting pervy messages.

See these threads for further information-
This has to be discussed, PERVY PRIVATE MESSAGES, how far do you take them?
[link to www.godlikeproductions.com]

Here is a quote from the original post-
"when i saw those girls in the short skirt with their legs showing i just wanted to nuzzle my nose into their pussy and sniff their snatch up their skirt like a dog LOL."

Is this the kind of friend you want?
 Quoting: WATCHERS 53281795


No it isnt!!
I have checked this and it is real!
Yuck!
BS-You are no Xtian friend of mine!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 49591531


Brightstarz!!!!!!!!

"when i saw those girls in the short skirt with their legs showing i just wanted to nuzzle my nose into their pussy and sniff their snatch up their skirt like a dog LOL."


fightflushflash
gracebear  (OP)

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01/23/2014 10:08 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Please don't derail the thread.

I know people have said a lot of crap about Brightstarz. I asked him about it and he said that he's a different person now and has spoken in line with his new life.
So, I'm not worried about that.

Thanks though.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
M1.618

User ID: 20188364
Canada
01/23/2014 10:10 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Please don't derail the thread.

I know people have said a lot of crap about Brightstarz. I asked him about it and he said that he's a different person now and has spoken in line with his new life.
So, I'm not worried about that.

Thanks though.
 Quoting: gracebear


Blessings)

hf
wmMmw
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
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01/23/2014 10:29 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?

Then, I want you to ask let's say there was a breach in trust, on either person, in the relationship.
In that case, how would you handle the idea of, your partner, having friends of the opposite sex?

This has been an issue for me and just would like a big pool of advice.

Please only serious posts hf
 Quoting: gracebear


Hey Grace,

I'll do my best to give you my thoughts on it.

You are definitely not alone in this one and these days it's difficult to find someone trustworthy (or just a real man lol) but if you don't want your heart broken I would advise don't go by only your feeling when choosing a partner. As from the beginning it has to be someone you are going to be able to tolerate for rest of your life that suits you. If it's anything less than what God wants it will either teach you an important lesson or just end in heartbreak. They have to have God at number one, and they have to be following God. If you are lucky enough to get that far then you have a good chance of building trust because those that follow God do not break trust with their relationships.

If there is trust and clear honest communication it makes it a lot easier because you know there is no cheating or betraying. If it does happen though you need to be able to center yourself and rely on God, and not the other person for support. That's why the love of God comes first because the love from men is mostly unreliable and pales in comparison. God is the one you can rely on all relationships are built from that. That's why it's such a blessing to be following God because when you are not cursed with sinful stuff you don't hurt others.

If you do get into a difficult relationship where trust is shaky, and in which things feel insecure, I would get out as fast as you can before you get heartbroken. Even if you have feelings, it's important to let people go that are not serving a right purpose.

Oh also, seek discernment and wisdom to avoid wasting time and mistakes! An over religious person does not mean someone closer to God, An over religious person who goes to church can be in some cases a big red flag. I know of a lot of so called Christian people that are fake, and they can deceive their partner. For instance I saw one documentary where this predator false prophet guy use to stalk around churches to pick up girls, charm them, then use them for his cult. That is worst case but you just have to be careful who you get involved with. When you get it right it won't even be a question about it.

The best chance you have is build everything on a solid foundation. Everything will work out in the end.

But like I said it's not just an all easy life with flowers and roses. When you follow God you have to give up everything else that isn't his will, and in some instances that is some relationships, or timing of things, or other worldly things, just whatever he wants for you have to trust first and foremost. Patience and endurance and abstaining from sinful stuff and trust, and you will get answers.
 Quoting: Brightstarz


Thanks for the reply Bright.

Honestly, I'm the only that F'd up, by going out and acting stupid when we first got together. He says he forgives me and I believe him. It's just something that can't really be forgotten. It's like a stigma. I've never doubted him being faithful to me once.
He's proven himself to me and I feel very comfortable with him.
I just wish it was mutual.
We have built our relationship on a solid foundation in my opinion. That makes me happy. This is new to us both, but despite my mistakes I always go back to my fundamental belief.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
I just have to look at my entire situation as a growing process. I don't have to like it, but I know something beneficial will come out of it.

As far as giving up everything for God, I kind of agree and disagree.
The harder I tried to give up certain things for God, the harder I fell into them.
Under Grace, God gave up everything so I can have everything. As a result, the things I used to hold on to that were against God's will are not as "attractive" anymore. The desire may be present, but the 'flesh' isn't in control anymore. I am a new creation in Christ!
In other words, my appetite is changing.



Thanks for the input hf
P.s. I don't believe in Luck(Lucifer) Lol that's just one of my hang ups.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
United States
01/23/2014 10:29 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Please don't derail the thread.

I know people have said a lot of crap about Brightstarz. I asked him about it and he said that he's a different person now and has spoken in line with his new life.
So, I'm not worried about that.

Thanks though.
 Quoting: gracebear


Blessings)

hf
 Quoting: M1.618



Grace hf
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
gracebear  (OP)

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01/23/2014 10:34 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My husband once told me that no man is "friends" with a woman unless he wants sex. I use to think that was a rude thing to say and I wanted to believe that my male friends liked me because I was fun or whatever (my personality) But I have found that every male "friend" I ever thought I had in life has tried to have sex with me and once you turn them down they aren't really your friend anymore. So perhaps there is truth in what my husband said. So if your boyfriend has a female friend, using that logic, then he is trying to have sex with her.
 Quoting: darkdestinylee




No, he's not trying to have sex with her. He's different and that's why I am with him. I know there is a good portion of the male population who don't use their brains. Lol.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
M1.618

User ID: 20188364
Canada
01/23/2014 10:35 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Please don't derail the thread.

I know people have said a lot of crap about Brightstarz. I asked him about it and he said that he's a different person now and has spoken in line with his new life.
So, I'm not worried about that.

Thanks though.
 Quoting: gracebear


Blessings)

hf
 Quoting: M1.618



Grace hf
 Quoting: gracebear


True Love
wmMmw
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
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01/23/2014 10:35 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?

Then, I want you to ask let's say there was a breach in trust, on either person, in the relationship.
In that case, how would you handle the idea of, your partner, having friends of the opposite sex?

This has been an issue for me and just would like a big pool of advice.

Please only serious posts hf
 Quoting: gracebear


If you are in Love
Why would it be a problem?

If you are not in Love
That is the problem.
 Quoting: M1.618


It's my first relationship. :|
I'm not in Love, because I'm not sure I know what love is yet.
But I do like him ALOT. y_lovin
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
gracebear  (OP)

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01/23/2014 10:39 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I understand that if trust is breached then there will be more suscipion.
Even if the person is insecure, I understand they wouldn't feel comfortable with their partner having friends of the opposite sex.

The issue for me is not being able to do what you want.
(Not to sound selfish)
Am I wrong for thinking that way?
Maybe I need to do a whole self assessement and find out what the heart of my problem is.
I just feel like a giant mess sometimes and other times I seem to have it all together.
 Quoting: gracebear


Fwiw, when you meet the 'right' person to marry, you really won't even think about anyone else in the opposite sex.That's the beauty of true love, it feeds all your needs.

Not everyone finds it, though, that's why people still have these needs for opposite sex friends.

Perhaps your mate is not your true love, otherwise you would not even have these concerns.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25046135



This seems to ring true with me for some reason.... definitely something to think about.
hf

Last Edited by gracebear on 01/23/2014 10:39 PM
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
M1.618

User ID: 20188364
Canada
01/23/2014 10:40 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?

Then, I want you to ask let's say there was a breach in trust, on either person, in the relationship.
In that case, how would you handle the idea of, your partner, having friends of the opposite sex?

This has been an issue for me and just would like a big pool of advice.

Please only serious posts hf
 Quoting: gracebear


If you are in Love
Why would it be a problem?

If you are not in Love
That is the problem.
 Quoting: M1.618


It's my first relationship. :|
I'm not in Love, because I'm not sure I know what love is yet.
But I do like him ALOT. y_lovin
 Quoting: gracebear


Seek the Lord Live by His Laws ...
He Is the first Love
... the rest is delight, as it is His Love for You ...
wmMmw
Everwayne

User ID: 50797622
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01/23/2014 10:45 PM

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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Not a good idea unless they have known each other since childhood and have never been intimate with each other.
Anonymous Coward
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01/23/2014 10:51 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
My husband once told me that no man is "friends" with a woman unless he wants sex. I use to think that was a rude thing to say and I wanted to believe that my male friends liked me because I was fun or whatever (my personality) But I have found that every male "friend" I ever thought I had in life has tried to have sex with me and once you turn them down they aren't really your friend anymore. So perhaps there is truth in what my husband said. So if your boyfriend has a female friend, using that logic, then he is trying to have sex with her.
 Quoting: darkdestinylee




No, he's not trying to have sex with her. He's different and that's why I am with him. I know there is a good portion of the male population who don't use their brains. Lol.
 Quoting: gracebear



naaaaawwww! :( i have "turned down" (invitations to get physically intimate with) plenty of guys and they were true to me. there was always a mutual admiration for each other but they were like brothers to me.

it's hard but important not to compare apples with oranges. this is a multi faceted topic though and it's great food for thought.

hf
gracebear  (OP)

User ID: 14930628
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01/23/2014 11:03 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
How do you feel about your partner having friends of the opposite sex?
Is this an issue for you?
How have you resolved it?

Then, I want you to ask let's say there was a breach in trust, on either person, in the relationship.
In that case, how would you handle the idea of, your partner, having friends of the opposite sex?

This has been an issue for me and just would like a big pool of advice.

Please only serious posts hf
 Quoting: gracebear


If you are in Love
Why would it be a problem?

If you are not in Love
That is the problem.
 Quoting: M1.618


It's my first relationship. :|
I'm not in Love, because I'm not sure I know what love is yet.
But I do like him ALOT. y_lovin
 Quoting: gracebear


Seek the Lord Live by His Laws ...
He Is the first Love
... the rest is delight, as it is His Love for You ...
 Quoting: M1.618


I have sought the Lord and He is my first love HANDS DOWN. hf
His grace found me and now his laws are written on my heart.
The holy spirit leads and guides me far more than a set of rules can (10 commandments).
I loved him because he first loved me and died for my sins. He gave me the gift of eternal life and now I am his forevermore.
hf

He is my everything :D
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
gracebear  (OP)

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01/23/2014 11:05 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
bump bump
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
Sinister Grin

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01/23/2014 11:09 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Jealousy is an emotion born from evil i feel, why else would the feeling give birth to so much emotions of hate and pain, i'm glad i'm not as jealous as i use to be me and my wife been married 8 years together 10 we had all sorts of friends male and female and are still strong together we are our best friends, that really is what makes a relationship worth it.
How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin - Ronald Reagan
M1.618

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01/23/2014 11:11 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
...


If you are in Love
Why would it be a problem?

If you are not in Love
That is the problem.
 Quoting: M1.618


It's my first relationship. :|
I'm not in Love, because I'm not sure I know what love is yet.
But I do like him ALOT. y_lovin
 Quoting: gracebear


Seek the Lord Live by His Laws ...
He Is the first Love
... the rest is delight, as it is His Love for You ...
 Quoting: M1.618


I have sought the Lord and He is my first love HANDS DOWN. hf
His grace found me and now his laws are written on my heart.
The holy spirit leads and guides me far more than a set of rules can (10 commandments).
I loved him because he first loved me and died for my sins. He gave me the gift of eternal life and now I am his forevermore.
hf

He is my everything :D
 Quoting: gracebear


Love The Lord & neighbour as self)
... And do not eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good & evil ...
for in it is little delight ... but if/ when you do
He Is with you to help you) to give up what is good,

for the best.

:insertcornysmilie:
wmMmw
gracebear  (OP)

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01/23/2014 11:12 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Jealousy is an emotion born from evil i feel, why else would the feeling give birth to so much emotions of hate and pain, i'm glad i'm not as jealous as i use to be me and my wife been married 8 years together 10 we had all sorts of friends male and female and are still strong together we are our best friends, that really is what makes a relationship worth it.
 Quoting: Sinister Grin



I'm not jealous. I was for a spell, but that time has come and gone.
His female friends are very pretty, but I'm content with myself and happy.
I know he only has eyes for me as long as we are together.
I agree the jealousy is ugly and can lead to a lot of pain for both parties.
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
gracebear  (OP)

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01/23/2014 11:21 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
...


It's my first relationship. :|
I'm not in Love, because I'm not sure I know what love is yet.
But I do like him ALOT. y_lovin
 Quoting: gracebear


Seek the Lord Live by His Laws ...
He Is the first Love
... the rest is delight, as it is His Love for You ...
 Quoting: M1.618


I have sought the Lord and He is my first love HANDS DOWN. hf
His grace found me and now his laws are written on my heart.
The holy spirit leads and guides me far more than a set of rules can (10 commandments).
I loved him because he first loved me and died for my sins. He gave me the gift of eternal life and now I am his forevermore.
hf

He is my everything :D
 Quoting: gracebear


Love The Lord & neighbour as self)
... And do not eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good & evil ...
for in it is little delight
... but if/ when you do
He Is with you to help you) to give up what is good,

for the best.

:insertcornysmilie:
 Quoting: M1.618


I ate from the Tree of Life.
People forget there were two choices in the Garden of Eden.
We are still presented with those two trees today.
They are no longer physical trees, but two belief systems.

LAW or GRACE
:gracebear:
I eat, sleep, and breathe God's Grace.
:luv: My Heart Is Taken :luv:
[[No Private Msgs Please.]]
M1.618

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Canada
01/23/2014 11:32 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
...


Seek the Lord Live by His Laws ...
He Is the first Love
... the rest is delight, as it is His Love for You ...
 Quoting: M1.618


I have sought the Lord and He is my first love HANDS DOWN. hf
His grace found me and now his laws are written on my heart.
The holy spirit leads and guides me far more than a set of rules can (10 commandments).
I loved him because he first loved me and died for my sins. He gave me the gift of eternal life and now I am his forevermore.
hf

He is my everything :D
 Quoting: gracebear


Love The Lord & neighbour as self)
... And do not eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good & evil ...
for in it is little delight
... but if/ when you do
He Is with you to help you) to give up what is good,

for the best.

:insertcornysmilie:
 Quoting: M1.618


I ate from the Tree of Life.
People forget there were two choices in the Garden of Eden.
We are still presented with those two trees today.
They are no longer physical trees, but two belief systems.

LAW or GRACE
 Quoting: gracebear


Law & grace align as they are both truth ...
Forgiveness is a restoration of honour ... or order.
Your true place in creation, your true self & ... (before The Lord)
I can't really explain the part in brackets ... beyond what is written.
As it is personal & unique)
wmMmw
M1.618

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01/23/2014 11:41 PM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
We agree Grace sometimes I am difficult to understand)

hf
wmMmw
Anonymous Coward
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01/24/2014 12:01 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I don't approve.

9 times out of 10 the male friend is sexually attracted to the female and hopes one day he will get his chance.

Why else would a male want to hang around a female?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39617624


For her intellectual superiority and literary knowledge, of course!

cruise
M1.618

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01/24/2014 12:11 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I don't approve.

9 times out of 10 the male friend is sexually attracted to the female and hopes one day he will get his chance.

Why else would a male want to hang around a female?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39617624


For her intellectual superiority and literary knowledge, of course!

cruise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48847605


good one
you are funny
like a clown

:funnyclown:
wmMmw
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 48847605
01/24/2014 12:23 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I don't approve.

9 times out of 10 the male friend is sexually attracted to the female and hopes one day he will get his chance.

Why else would a male want to hang around a female?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39617624


For her intellectual superiority and literary knowledge, of course!

cruise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48847605


good one
you are funny
like a clown

:funnyclown:
 Quoting: M1.618


Funny, as in I'm right kinda funny...

We do not associate with the fairer sex because we share common interests. That said though, every now and again some of us are lucky enough to hook up with a girl who does share our interest in her fun bits.
The majority of women are unfortunately only interested in things sexual so long as their 'interest' procures the required amounts of cash...
M1.618

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Canada
01/24/2014 12:30 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I don't approve.

9 times out of 10 the male friend is sexually attracted to the female and hopes one day he will get his chance.

Why else would a male want to hang around a female?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 39617624


For her intellectual superiority and literary knowledge, of course!

cruise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48847605


good one
you are funny
like a clown

:funnyclown:
 Quoting: M1.618


Funny, as in I'm right kinda funny...

We do not associate with the fairer sex because we share common interests. That said though, every now and again some of us are lucky enough to hook up with a girl who does share our interest in her fun bits.
The majority of women are unfortunately only interested in things sexual so long as their 'interest' procures the required amounts of cash...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 48847605


If a man was a man & Loved a woman in truth, their differences would complement one another. Most men are colour blind, most women can not measure 3 dimensional objects well ... A man is like the lines that the woman fills with colour ... but most men do not see this ...
If so , and they are not the lines ... What then is expected of women?
In this sorry day & age. And it does not have to be this way.
That is the sorriest part ...
wmMmw
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
01/24/2014 12:59 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Thanks for the reply Bright.

Honestly, I'm the only that F'd up, by going out and acting stupid when we first got together. He says he forgives me and I believe him. It's just something that can't really be forgotten. It's like a stigma. I've never doubted him being faithful to me once.
He's proven himself to me and I feel very comfortable with him.
I just wish it was mutual.
We have built our relationship on a solid foundation in my opinion. That makes me happy. This is new to us both, but despite my mistakes I always go back to my fundamental belief.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
I just have to look at my entire situation as a growing process. I don't have to like it, but I know something beneficial will come out of it.

As far as giving up everything for God, I kind of agree and disagree.
The harder I tried to give up certain things for God, the harder I fell into them.
Under Grace, God gave up everything so I can have everything. As a result, the things I used to hold on to that were against God's will are not as "attractive" anymore. The desire may be present, but the 'flesh' isn't in control anymore. I am a new creation in Christ!
In other words, my appetite is changing.



Thanks for the input hf
P.s. I don't believe in Luck(Lucifer) Lol that's just one of my hang ups.
 Quoting: gracebear


My experience is somewhat different to yours so I will have put things in different kind of words and context. But I can see what you are saying here to and wish you all the best with this! Your experience and path is unique. May you both prosper and Blessings to you. Interesting thread and discussion.

hf
stoidi

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01/24/2014 01:06 AM

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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I have been married for 35 years. I have male friends. One I have had since I was 16 years old, another one since 32 years ago. They are platonic. They are not a threat to my marriage relationship.
My husband has had female friends he has gone skiing with. I don't like the snow. I have gone with him and stayed in the lodge, which is boring. I have tried skiing and ended up with more bruises than if someone beat me.
If my husband ever cheated on me, I would let the other woman have him. I love him, but he has his faults, if womanizing became one of them, it would be his choice.
I am a good woman, a good wife and a good mother for our children. I can support myself. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I feared his commitment to me, to us. Anytime a man wanders, he will do it again and you should let him go. I wouldn't want to waste time and energy on someone who needs to be single. There is a better match out there.
But my husband is a good man and I trust him. You trust God, pray for guidance. Your perfect mate will have no one but you. You have to trust, unless the trust is broken. If that happens, move on, the man who cheats is playing and it is a thrill they seek, that you will not stop. Trust your instincts. Some relationships keep us busy, until the right person enters our lives.
At this point it sounds like there is not a real commitment
so just enjoy each other and see what comes.
Real love doesn't define boundaries. You both know there is no other place you would want to be. tomato
One back turns in parting to turn and turn again. Leaving is never going, its circling round the bend.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
01/24/2014 01:11 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I've never really had a whole lot of girls as friends (I'm a guy). I really don't have any interest in them in that regard.
Anonymous Coward
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Finland
01/24/2014 01:21 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Being friends does not make sexual interest or needs go away for either sex.

However, it does not mean there wouldn't be people (of both sexes) who are able to control themselves and keep the playground clean.

A strong friendship can handle a lot, however if either one is actually deep in love with another one, it WILL be very hard and the one in relationship/not in love should understand this and take the responsibility. Ie. by keeping things clean and as easy as possible for the other poor soul, like trying not to enjoy the attention, flirting etc..

Overall, it is an issue of trust. You either trust your partner (or yourself) or not and that's it. By making silly demands and trying to control your partners life and friends you just show him/her that you do not trust him and your relationship - or yourself.

If you don't trust yourself in these situations, keep your own yard clean of "opposite sex" (or same if gay) friends. If your partner is not loyal (if that is the agreement), there is nothing you can do anyways and constant worrying and distrust will just make the inevitable happen sooner than later.

I trust my partner 100% and it is his job and problem to keep his promises, as well as my job is to keep mine. We both have our friends that are more or less "interested" about us in a romantic way too, but it has not been an issue and hopefully never will be. When my partner goes to meet someone that I know is interested about him in a sexual way (too), I say "be nice" meaning: "do not hurt her/break her heart", not "Do not cheat on me".


So, my advice in a nutshell: If you trust him and assume he will not cheat: Let him go, support his friendships and life outside of you (two) and be happy for him. Do the same for yourself.

If you don't trust him: Find a man that you can trust or work out your personal issues, if that is the case (usually is..)
Anonymous Coward
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United States
01/24/2014 08:41 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
I think there could be a sign of insecurity.

My grandparents have been married about 30+ years.
TO THIS DAY, my grandpa accuses my grandma of having "boyfriend" whenver she attempts to go someplace without him.
IT GETS ON MY NERVES. It should NOT be that way for anyone.
I udnerstand it gets complicated when there is cheating or suspicion of cheating.

*sigh*
 Quoting: gracebear

The first time a guy pulls that possessive crap on you, not the second or third but the very first time, dump him! Anyone who tries to separate you from your friends is not your friend. Do you understand? Friendships are likely to last lots longer than most marriages - 50% of which are certain to break up because of infidelity and domestic violence.

Every day in the news, a woman is being murdered by a jealous boyfriend or husband, or 'ex' version of either. The very first sign you see in a male of the 'insecurity' you describe here is your cue to run as far and as fast as you can from that relationship. Never be tolerant of today's males' psychological shortcomings- that is a weakness on your part that can get you killed. Any mercy you show with the terms you set will be treated as a weakness and ruthlessly exploited.
Anonymous Coward
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United States
01/24/2014 09:11 AM
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Re: Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..
Male here.

Hard situation really hard.

Having been in most sides of the issue, its definitely hard.

I find it hard to trust her now as she has had a thing in the past, she assured me it was all my fault, and I sort of get that.

I "love" her, if thats what she wants then so be it, the problem is children, family, life. That was the hardest part for me to get my mind around, how she was willing to throw all that away.

Dropped the kids off on someone else, signed a letter of custody for me with no argument at all, I even pressed her to the point of signing a thing so I could have my child adopted to a good and loving home. She really did not seem to care, nothing mattered.


That, that is the part that bothers me, will that happen again. Will mine, her children be a loss to carnal lust. The rest, that is just all bs.

Mine, the male side, when it did happen in the past, it was more out of loneliness, the need to have some connection with something other than my own mind as she laid there dying. Only so much drugs and alcohol could do for me at the time.

In that I understood the new one. I apparently had abandoned her in our home.





GLP