Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..

I let it go mostly and kept an eye on her, but I knew what was going down. This kind of behavior made it clear she wasn't marriage material, so we went our separate ways.

Later after I was engaged to be married to someone else, she suddenly wanted to be best buddies with me. Perhaps that tells a lot in and of itself.

I think people like the ego boost and attention of having attractive friends of the opposite sex. However it is a playground for mischief. Temptation of that sort is not easily dealt with, especially for a male.

There is one other possibility, since I think it's somewhat odder for males to have a lot of female platonic girlfriends. Perhaps this man is not entirely, ... heterosexual?

There doesnt have to be suspicion. You just have to make your mind up about it and then live it. It takes a lot of communication and two willing partners to make it happen. I've been to the dark side of adultery before and yes I am married but some do find there way out. Its not all peaches and cream dont get me wrong, it took a lot of work that continues to this day.

This is completely situational.

For instance, I have had women friends that I loved just being friends with, and I never had any desire to sleep with them....I literally didn't want to mess up the friendship. Emotions and sex can destroy a really genuine friendship.

That said, that is a certain type of woman, and it isn't hard for a person to pretty much know the difference. The girls who fit this role are the girls who may be ok looking and very cool. I can in all honestly tell you that I have never met a girl who was really attractive and not thought about what sex would be like with her within about a millisecond of looking at her. That doesn't mean I will pursue it, but that thought never really goes away.

For instance, I sit next to a little blonde at my work with a ridiculous body...she is like 5'4, big boobs, athletic butt and legs, tiny waist. She is also a really nice person, but everytime she leans over her desk to talk to the girl in the next seat it drives me insane. I'm a dude, just wired that way.

There is another girl at work that I love talking to, she is a pal.

Now, I could definitely take the second girl around my girlfriend and it would be no problem, they would be friends. The first girl, the hotness...I wouldn't tell my girlfriend she exists if it killed me. If they met, i would never hear the end of it.

Same for me...she had a friend from high school that I met, the dude looked a bag of asshole, just a total dork. I thought nothing about it. If she had brought over a friend who looked like a male model, well hell no.

It just depends on the friends, IMO.

I don't know anymore.
I should be talking to my boyfriend about all this, but It's such a delicate topic I wanted neutral feedback.

So once adultery was committed did you both look at eachother differently?
Has the other person spent the remainder of the marriage paying for their shitty mistake??

So what's the exact situation here? You cheated on your bf but he's a beta and didn't leave? Now you wanna have some male friends again?

I think there is tons and tons of truth to that.
Looks play a big role for both partners..
Thanks for you input

See, why is that?
Does that mean the person is insecure about themselves and their relationship??

Just remember, if you get married, don't see marriage as all these 'rules'. When two people truly love and respect each other, these 'opposite sex' friends are not even an issue. Respect is the ultimate way to truly show your love. Not all married couples get this. I am often amazed at how little respect both men an women give each other.

Marriage should not feel like a bunch of rules. It should feel like a sleepover with your best friend every night.

No I didn't cheat on my boyfriend. He didn't cheat on me.
I'm trying to speak in general terms here without revealing private things.

No I didn't cheat on my boyfriend. He didn't cheat on me.
I'm trying to speak in general terms here without revealing private things just out of courtesy for him.

Thanks for the feedback guys

I was the one cheated on. Yes we looked at each other differently you have to I think. First because we were young neither one of us even 30 at the time and second because you get a glimpse of the capacity you have to hurt the other. He left after it happened was gone a week and then came back would not tell me the full story we went round and round not arguing so much as just suffering trying to figure it out. He wouldn't tell me anything and I finally told him you know what I dont care we either make this work together or let it fall apart here and now I want your answer. We will either fix it or die trying and so we set out to try to make it work. I do not hang it over his head now, I dont even talk about it anymore because its a non issue. He messed up, everybody messes up and there is not one thing in this world I could punish him with or hang over his head that would cause as much pain as his own mind has wracked with guilt and insecurity.

If this is you going through this gracebear figure out what you want and then throw yourself at that goal with everything you and our Lord can will up. It will pass and sometimes when you come out the other side of complete tragedy what you have is unbreakable because of what you gave been through.

It doesn't make any sense to me to bring up a "breach of trust" unless someone cheated. But whatever. All I can say is what you are considering will be nothing but trouble for your relationship. If you're not happy with you situation you should just move on.

Men are not capable of being friends with women they are attracted to. They may play the role of a friend but they will want to sleep with her and will at the first chance they get.

Every human being is insecure and a mess on some level. Some people hide it better with a tough facade, but there are no exceptions.

We are wired to be attracted to beautiful, attractive members of the opposite sex. It's just life.

Oh, and women who need all kinds of male friends usually have low self esteem. They will do anything to get the approval of men which means they almost always end up cheating on their partners. Stay away from women like this guys.

I've never understood why women put up with shit like this. Once a cheater always a cheater. You girls really don't want decent mean. You like losers.

Its called forgiveness. I take you have never made a mistake in your life and then vowed to never do it again because it was wrong.

I got a 100 bucks that says he cheats on you again if he hasn't already. Wanna take me up on my offer?

Haha I sure would and considering we are almost 9 years on the other side of it you just might lose. But seriously though I see what your saying. In a lot of cases you are 100% correct. Just depends on the person and the couple. People can change but its very hard and you have to have the willpower and motivation to do so.

This.

A confident, classy, respectful woman has no time for male friends if she is in a committed relationship. Only women with low self respect/ self esteem need a bunch of male friends to stroke their bruised/wounded/ fragile ego.

When I first met my wife 7 years ago, she was trying to maintain friendships with a couple of ex's, including the one she turned down to be "official" with me.

I ignored it and it went away within a year. I was confident and secure that she wanted to be with me, and that any efforts these guys might make to woo her back would be wasted energy.

In weaker moments, I just figured "Well, if they get her back, that's that and I can get back to friends/bachelorhood.

That's the key...don't be so crazy for someone that you care what happens. Let life happen the way it wants and if it's meant to be, it will be.

Huh?

You are not making any sense. I think you are the one who has males friends and you bf doesn't approve.

Oh boy...yeah this is one of those subjects

Chances are they are trying to cop a feel if they are dudes!!!!

You gotta have trust because other apes will try and steal your woman cop a feel even if they see that ring

I have been a full time hair designer for 33 years. There are around 200 men who sit in my chair, tell me about their life, and get their shoulders massaged if they need it and wise advise if they need that every month for decades. My ex husband said " The only reason men come to you is to fuck you"
He was the one cheating...turns out.

My point is..I consider these men my friends as I am sure they consider me theirs.

That old saying the one who accuses the most is usually the guilty party....

Here's a fun fact. Its the cold hard truth but about 9/10 girls cheat. Its just what there designed to do in a way. In this society, relationship things suck. Also they will lie to save there life.
My advice
Bring your female friends around.
Not saying you have to or suggesting it but maybe you should bang'em rightousley.

If a woman is married, she doesn't need any male friends. At least not if she wants a happily ever after marriage.

If you want to wind up being a statistic and being among the sea of divorced, damaged goods, then keep tons of male friends and have a marriage where your husband does not meet all hour needs.

Happily married women are happily married because they don't have male friends.

hungry like the wolf