Need advice from men and women who are in a relationship..

I think it works if you were friends with the other person since childhood and each person never had romantic feelings for the other. Then, when you are part of a couple, you make sure your partner gets to know this person so you are all friends. Been there done that and it works.

I wouldn't worry about it as long as I was getting some good sex and fun, with low risk of disease. Nothing lasts for ever. If he/she is sleeping with someone else, why should that affect the time you spend together.

It's a lot like work. Do you really care if they spend their lunch hour with a co-worker?

That's not a matter of personal bias. That's a fact. The vast majority of guys in the vast majority of situations are looking for more than friendship. Deep down, I think women know this fact. I think if you're trying to justify hanging out with another man, you're either a cheater at heart or you're simply not happy in your current relationship.

I thought I had female friends when I was younger, ended up in bed with them all and by their invitation. I think it is very hard to keep that type of relationship long term. Stuff just happens.

Male friends that I've known before my husband? He's fine with them. But I don't really have male friends that I've made that are new, aside from a co-worker, but we haven't really arranged to hangout aside from like me giving him a ride home from work.

I don't really want my husband making female friends that he's gonna hang out with, but I don't mind practical relationships with like, co-workers. He's not the type to make friends with people, anyway, though.

It depends on the relationship, but I generally think when you're married, it's a little weird to hang out with the opposite gender alone, but if it's like a mutual friendship, sure. For all intents and purposes, though, practical things like rides home and what-not don't bother me.

If you are in Love
Why would it be a problem?

If you are not in Love
That is the problem.

Same.

Well, except that my guy friends before my husband, I dated both of them. But we all remained friends ... it's all sort of a detached romance thing, we really saw we're all better as friends and kept it that way after it failed romantically.

They all met, came to the wedding, etc.

Last Edited by Sharkspined on 01/22/2014 01:49 AM

Same.

Well, except that my guy friends before my husband, I dated both of them. But we all remained friends ... it's all sort of a detached romance thing, we really saw we're all better as friends and kept it that way after it failed romantically.

They all met, came to the wedding, etc.

edit: I've known these 2 guys since 9th grade, they're pretty old school type friends.



I didn't actually mean to make this a post, I thought I was editing it.

I do not mind my partner of 17 years having male friends, yet often times you will see them checking her out, so what, she loves me I love her so trust is not an issue.

They can want all they like, that hottie is coming home with me every single time, so it is their wasted energy and wanting, when I was younger it would wind me up, but we mature as we grow, I now see it as a compliment to my hot woman and have a little chuckle inside.

Oh please, she is getting plowed when your not around.

I'm in a long term relationship (20 years). My girl has friends of the opposite sex. I'm terribly insecure, not about being "cheated" on, but about not being told (the truth about whatever). She has full permission to play, and as long as I'm informed then I have no jealousy issues whatsoever. I do sometimes have issues over competing for time and attention from her male friends, but it's not that I don't want her to have friends. I think it's good for her self esteem, and I receive benefit from it otherwise.

i think it's extremely necessary to at least try and see the funny, sexy and liberating side to it all..
undesirability (real or imagined), while it's not the nicest feeling, is sort of an important emotion to face.

as for broken trust/relationships, you *ideally* need to know yourself and your partner! is your partner likely to want to try to protect you from being hurt and thus hide things from you? or are they pretty hopeless at or disinterested in dealing with anything objectionable and thus hide things from you?

i think it essentially kinda comes down to honouring what exactly you want in and of your relationship with your partner..
being true to yourself..
and asking yourselves and each other if you have chosen the right partner in one another!

funny, sexy and liberating is only one way of looking at it



there's a time and a place for that, and also for .. well, that's between you two :)

oops i'm not in a relationship but i'm a real expert hehehehhe

The male sex drive is very powerful at younger ages. Some guys even delude themselves into thinking they are just friends, but I bet if you went over and snuggled up to one of your male "friends" they would soon be hunting for something more then your wonderful personality.

It's nature. I suppose its one of the things males struggle with. It is an internal battle between the sex drive, and your brain. If you a flirtatious at all you are helping the guerrilla brain win. If you wear revealing clothing, you are helping the gorilla brain win. If you hint or otherwise make an innocent remark, then you may be helping the normal brain justify the urges of the guerrilla brain.

That being said, you can have male friends, but you can bet, that deep within their subconscious they would love to bend you over a chair and drive you to china. If they are disciplined, and you are completely non sexual it can be fine.

Now, your boyfriend knows this. Because he feels it! Now do you understand why he might be a little suspicious?

The game is in keeping yourself the most attractive option at all times.

If you do it right, your partner will also play that same game with you.

Win, Win.

Fwiw, when you meet the 'right' person to marry, you really won't even think about anyone else in the opposite sex. That's the beauty of true love, it feeds all your needs.

Not everyone finds it, though, that's why people still have these needs for opposite sex friends.

Perhaps your mate is not your true love, otherwise you would not even have these concerns.

That's a good point. I do that

We are still just dating.
So yah I have a need for other people in my life. I'm a very social person.

Deep down I know what I have to do.
I'm just going to give this entire situation to God.
I believe we already have the tools to make this work so he and I have to receive it together by faith.
It still super hard sometimes, but I have to try and look past it.
He has my heart and we have grown extremely close, in my opinion, because of bad situations in the past. Now we are much stronger.


Grace to you all

That is your insecurity buddy not mine, if you go through life thinking shit like that, you are going to have a very very sad life.

After 17 years and 2 kids I think I know my lady better than some sick minded little ac now, wouldn't you?

If your 'friends' are causing issues between you & your boyfriend, it is time to make a decision. What do you actually want? A committed relationship? Or to be social, & have 'friends?'

It seems pretty obvious to me you want friends, so you need to tell the BF that ASAP.

(IMO, men & women can't ever be 'just friends.' Like others have said, it's not fair to give that time & energy to someone not your significant other, & even if the SO is ok w it, the 'friend' wants to bang you, so not really fair to them either.)

With all due respect to your faith, I think this is a bit of a cop-out. You're in charge here. You cannot be selfish & thoughtless of other people's feelings & then blow it all off with a 'it was God's will!' You need to put in some serious introspection - pray & meditate on it if you think in those terms - & be honest with yourself & your feelings.

It isn't fair to your 'friends' or your BF to shove the consequences of YOUR actions onto 'God's will.'

If you have issues with that you are no more than a friend having seks with a (supposed) friend.

Sisters friends too^^^^. Oh well. Just run off to school Gracie and what happens happens.

That's what I meant.
Walk in his will with my boyfriend. I'm not looking for a "fast pass"

SO, you're telling me that no matter what the case will be if the woman is attractive there will be an underlying sexual desire for her.
What about for females? Does that still apply?

I know some women play their looks up to their advantage...