An acquaintance had been rubbing lithium grease onto his stripped bike frame in a fetishitistic frenzy whilst painting his room and snorting pink amphetamine.

Anyways, he arrived at my flat brandishing an ancient cannonball found in a historical dig in Scotland's old capital. He deposited the cannonball in my fake coal gas fire and went to my kitchen to cook some grub.

After cooking a delicious dinner of cat food, potato peel, tea leaves, star anise, various spices he tucked in after offering it about,

Next he proceeded to strip bollock naked and sat in the middle of my living room and entangled himself in the stripped bike frame which was devoid of wheels etc, glistening in lithium grease, he told us that he had fused with the bike, whom was cycling whom, was he cycling it or was it cycling him.

Party was over when the cannonball melted over my replica fire as it was a lump of tar from a building site.