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My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 68790590
Japan
04/02/2015 05:33 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
the reason your daughter is a whore is most likely because you treated her as daddys little girl that could do no wrong while she was growing up. Or you went the other extreme and went all fascist. Either way, she didnt get what she needed from you as a father growing up.

A girl's first relationship with men is based on the relationship with thier dad.

Somewhere along the line you messed up big time and now have raised a slut with no morals and no shame.

tsk tsk
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36856980

Possibly some truth here, but don't forget how corrupt the modern world is. No matter how hard you try to raise them right, chances are they will be corrupted by peers at school (not to mention school itself), media, etc.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 39045747
Sweden
04/02/2015 05:39 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Kick her outta da house
Frayed Knot

User ID: 45256950
United States
04/02/2015 05:45 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Odds are there's a part of her thinks she can win him from his wife. This may be a game to her on some level right now. Hopefully she doesn't waste too much of her best years on this shithead, but at some point she will probably tire of it or realize it's a lost cause and end it.
I have long feared that my sins would return to visit me, and the cost is more than I can bear. - The Patriot
Anonymous Coward
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Spain
04/02/2015 08:02 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
If no one is acting dishonestly, or taking advantage of another, I don't see it as an issue.
I don't know, but chances are, that the marriage no longer contains anything sexual, and they are just good friends who don't want to pay out in energy, money and time for a costly divorce... when they still respect one another, and are comfortable being around each other.

I would be intrigued by your daughters circumstances, because until you really understand her situation, how can you decide how you feel.

Not every relationship is about ownership of another person; maybe she is not interested in marrying or having children, that doesn't make her a bad person.
The point is that all parties involved are being honest with each other... that is probably why she introduced him to you; to be honest with you, because she cares about your feelings. I would at least be grateful that she feels comfortable enough, and trusts you with what is essentially her personal life.
GuardianOfHorus

User ID: 61748716
Netherlands
04/02/2015 08:29 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Live and let live. Sexual taboo is such a powerful blackmail trick exactly because of the feelings you had about this issue. Can you see it? Don't you think she also has the right to learn from her own mistakes?
stillhere

User ID: 29204297
United States
04/02/2015 08:36 AM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
How old is your daughter?

What no one has mentioned is that while she is dating the unavaible for marriage man she may be giving up the opportunity of meeting someone who is available.

Reverse psychology may work. Invite him to spend holidays with your family and watch her lose interest.

Sounds like she is confusing sex with love. Does she have a father? Are you married to him?

Hopefully this experience will provide her with knowledge of what she needs in the future. Let her learn this lesson.
"You can bend it and twist it... You can misuse and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth.”
Michael Levy
beeches

User ID: 28167778
United States
04/02/2015 08:36 AM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
so they have an open marriage. no problem then. they get married i assume for certain economic/legal benefits when legally recognized by the state as a marriage. they also probably really do love and enjoy each other but also want to love and have relations with other people while maintaining that core bond between them. sounds like youre the only one with the problem.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31310212


so wrong you are not even in the ballpark.

it is the daughter who is at risk if she is not as callous as the "married" couple.

they WILL treat her like throwaway trash if she falls in love with the man.
that Schiff dun sailed.....
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 58700537
United States
04/02/2015 08:46 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Your daughter is now an adult can legally do as she pleases. I assume the values she’s now flaunting are very different from what she was taught or otherwise you would not be posting here! (would you?)

My daughter is now 28. She was loved and adored all of her life. But she has her own beliefs, values, and lives her own life. I think that most of her life stinks and I am afraid she’s turned into a very selfish young woman who cares little for anyone or anything other than herself.

Sad. But all I can do is pray for her. Perhaps God can and will do for her what I could not - although I tried. What she does, who she dates, and whether or not she thinks “dating” a married man is a wise or even decent thing to do is up to her now.

I’ve seen dozens of marriages broken up by this kind of infidelity. I have NEVER seen the newly formed “couple” get “happily ever after” - in fact most of them are guilt-ridden and end up breaking up the new marriage. You cannot build your life on the foundation of another person’s misery. If you are the reason a marriage ends, then you will pay for that somehow. Married folk are “off limits” to date, sleep with, etc. Break that old rule and it’s going to cost you eventually. And usually the price is very high!
Anonymous Coward
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United States
04/02/2015 08:46 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
I think your daughter is acting in an immoral way, and you should let her know that you don't approve, but there is no need for extreme reactions like cutting her out of your will or her life. If she is an adult, this is her choice, not yours. You can let her know you think its a bad choice, but if she is not a minor, in all honesty it's not really your place anymore to try to control her relationships.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 68790590


^^^This. Seriously, folks, assuming the daughter is out of her teens, parents need to back off of her personal decisions. Sure, you can state your opinons to her and how wrong you think it is, but at the end of the day she's still your daughter. Cutting her out of your life is a bit extreme for this matter, don't you think? Everyone makes mistakes and takes wrong paths at times in their lives. We live and learn by these mistakes. There comes a time that you have to let your adult children live and learn by their mistakes as well.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 60702613
United States
04/02/2015 08:50 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
The married man would never be allowed in my house, not even for 1 minute.

If she starts talking about him and how "great" he is, or whatever, I would tell her that I did not want to hear anything about him because it's a disgusting relationship since he's married.

Make it real clear where you stand. Love your child, but refuse the man entry into your house, your life, your conversations, everything.
The Årtist

User ID: 44124412
United States
04/02/2015 08:56 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
People are too attached to this notion of "family".

And what I mean by that is the OPs most likely inability to cut his daughter off. So many people have "morals" and "values" but when push comes to shove they abandon them when it comes to someone they love or a family member.

You know what you do? You cut her off, completely and entirely. She's willingly dating someone that can never legally start a family and him telling you he's "fixed" means the relationship is only about the physical.

Grow a set and tell your daughter, and tell her only once, that you will have zero to do with her because of her decisions. Inform her she's on a dead end street that will only hurt her in the end. Then kick your daughter's ass to the curb. Yield no quarter, complete expulsion. Do not give in. Giving in and helping your daughter even once is nothing less than enabling her to continue to make dumb decisions.
RAGE
Anonymous Coward
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United States
04/02/2015 09:02 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
My daughter brought her Boyfriend home the other day to introduce him to the family. Everything was going fine until she admitted that he was married. When I asked him bluntly if he was separated from his wife and what his intentions were, he stated that he was not separated and that he had no intentions of leaving his wife.

My daughter could see that I was in shock, she quickly explained that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter. After all, she was dating on the side too. When I tuned to look at him, he was smiling and told me.. "Oh don't worry, I have been fixed, there will be no children. And I do not plan on getting divorced."

I left before I said something that I should not have. I could only think that if they were both dating other people, why did they even get married?

In raising my daughter, I taught her that you do not "Poach other women's men" end of story. The man is a sleazeball. Now what do I do?
 Quoting: Elfsong


Thus is the outcome of secular pagan "morals".
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 68797103
Mexico
04/02/2015 09:05 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
You raised a WHORE.

Kick her the fuck out NOW.

If not, shut the fuck up. You made your bed, now lie in it.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 60702613
United States
04/02/2015 09:15 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
People are too attached to this notion of "family".

And what I mean by that is the OPs most likely inability to cut his daughter off. So many people have "morals" and "values" but when push comes to shove they abandon them when it comes to someone they love or a family member.

You know what you do? You cut her off, completely and entirely. She's willingly dating someone that can never legally start a family and him telling you he's "fixed" means the relationship is only about the physical.

Grow a set and tell your daughter, and tell her only once, that you will have zero to do with her because of her decisions. Inform her she's on a dead end street that will only hurt her in the end. Then kick your daughter's ass to the curb. Yield no quarter, complete expulsion. Do not give in. Giving in and helping your daughter even once is nothing less than enabling her to continue to make dumb decisions.
 Quoting: The Årtist


I disagree with this completely because i've seen first hand the damage this kind of "disowning" does. I know someone that this happened to, the parents didn't approve of his new wife and severed ties. The relationship was never repaired, even 40 years later, even until death the child and parents NEVER spoke again. This not only destroyed the lives of all involved, but also destroyed the lived of the next generation in that family and possibly the 3rd. I say possibly cause the 3rd has not yet been born,

But the damage that was done was devistating by the disowning of the child due to the parents not liking the new girlfriend that ended up becoming the wife.

It destroyed the whole family, and never recovered.

You don't sever ties with your child.......unless the child is trying to kill you or something like that.

You do refuse entry for the married man, but you don't ever kick your child to the curb over something like this.
jennilicious

User ID: 742097
United States
04/02/2015 09:20 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Tell her what you think, and how disappointed you are.

Don't welcome him around - welcome her, but not him. That's just the way it is. Always be there for her so she knows she has an "out". Don't berate her about it for this reason ... when she runs from it, she will need someone to run to who will love her unconditionally.

Then I think you're going to have to let her learn the hard way, because she WILL learn this one the hard way.

She will learn that no good and only pain will come of this.

There probably will not be a second married man, and she will definitely have some hard times to work through, but she will learn.


Good luck hf

PS ... Don't disown your daughter. People make mistakes ... good people do bad things sometimes ... the heart and the hormones are unpredictable and crazy ... she's going to need you when the hard lesson hits her over the head.

She will come out of this a different person, and the person you disown will not be the same person that comes out of it. She will have learned, and it would be awful to permanently sever the relationship as she learns and grows and builds a future.

Always love her. She will always be there for you and you for her. That's the most important thing, as people grow and learn from their mistakes.

Last Edited by SugarSand on 04/02/2015 09:25 AM
Sungaze_At_Dawn

User ID: 62256035
Canada
04/02/2015 09:20 AM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Unfortunately, there's little you can actively do to convince your daughter that she's making bad decisions. If I were you, I wouldn't let this married man come to any family functions or come to your house. You don't have to entertain people, in your own home, who you disapprove of. As for your daughter, I know that, right now, she thinks things are just fine. But, as a woman, I know that it's very difficult to love someone who will never consider marrying me. The whole "dating a married man" (whether he and his wife have an open marriage or not), thing is a recipe for heartache and pain. I know your daughter doesn't realize this now and she may have to learn the hard way that these situations are very, very rarely good for anyone. I know how hard this must be for you. You certainly should feel free to make your displeasure known, but I wouldn't cut her off from contact with you, because she needs a mother who has some sense and loves her. She'll really need you when the whole thing blows up on her one day. Then, you will be there to help her pick up the pieces of her shattered dreams and, hopefully, she will have learned a very hard lesson about life and love.
 Quoting: sashita


This is the best approach. Renounce this, have a talk with your daughter and say, you may not be able to put things in the right way, you may be clumsy, but explain why this is wrong on every level, and that he isn't welcome at any family event, but that you're here for her, and hopefully she'll come to her senses.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 68794700
Spain
04/02/2015 09:21 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
You know what you do? You cut her off, completely and entirely. She's willingly dating someone that can never legally start a family and him telling you he's "fixed" means the relationship is only about the physical.

 Quoting: The Årtist

I don't understand this statement.

Are you saying that; if someone doesn't want, or can't have, a family... it means their relationship is only physical?

That doesn't make any sense to me.
You don't need to start a family and have children, in order to love someone and be deeply connected with them, on much more than just a physical level.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1010412
United States
04/02/2015 09:23 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
My daughter brought her Boyfriend home the other day to introduce him to the family. Everything was going fine until she admitted that he was married. When I asked him bluntly if he was separated from his wife and what his intentions were, he stated that he was not separated and that he had no intentions of leaving his wife.

My daughter could see that I was in shock, she quickly explained that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter. After all, she was dating on the side too. When I tuned to look at him, he was smiling and told me.. "Oh don't worry, I have been fixed, there will be no children. And I do not plan on getting divorced."

I left before I said something that I should not have. I could only think that if they were both dating other people, why did they even get married?

In raising my daughter, I taught her that you do not "Poach other women's men" end of story. The man is a sleazeball. Now what do I do?
 Quoting: Elfsong


more i look at american society and i shudder when our own fifth columnists employed by USA will bring that to us

i am glad i am single and have no children..the pain will be too much to bear
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 68794324


Oh yeah, because India is a shining beacon of civility and morality...

norespect
anonymous sun

User ID: 2698905
United States
04/02/2015 09:23 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
My daughter brought her Boyfriend home the other day to introduce him to the family. Everything was going fine until she admitted that he was married. When I asked him bluntly if he was separated from his wife and what his intentions were, he stated that he was not separated and that he had no intentions of leaving his wife.

My daughter could see that I was in shock, she quickly explained that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter. After all, she was dating on the side too. When I tuned to look at him, he was smiling and told me.. "Oh don't worry, I have been fixed, there will be no children. And I do not plan on getting divorced."

I left before I said something that I should not have. I could only think that if they were both dating other people, why did they even get married?

In raising my daughter, I taught her that you do not "Poach other women's men" end of story. The man is a sleazeball. Now what do I do?
 Quoting: Elfsong


Don't worry about it.She'll get tired of him after awhile and meet someone else.Right now,she doesn't care about commitments but time changes most people and as they get older they usually want more.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 61274960
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04/02/2015 09:27 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
People learn, and especially young girls tend to do the opposite of what their parents tell them. You know, the whole "it's my life and I know what's best" thing. Try not to stress it too much. This is a life lesson for her. If he has blatantly said he has no intentions of leaving his wife or having more children, your daughter WILL get tired of being an extra wheel, and will reach a point in her life that she wants kids and a stable family. Just be there for your daughter OP. Things WILL fall apart with this guy, and she'll need support. It's just one of those things unfortunately that she'll have to figure out the hard way. Just be there for her when she needs you most.
ME
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United States
04/02/2015 09:28 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
You better hope and pray she doesn't get her butt kicked.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 63209803
United States
04/02/2015 09:32 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
OP, I think you should let your daughter learn the hard way. I understand as parent, that you don't want to see her get hurt. But this will be a life lesson. Hope that cheating bastards wife finds out soon. Sorry about your situation OP
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29045400


They don;t learn a thing. My ex was sleeping with several hoes while we were married. My ex convinced them I was the bad person, ironic right. Even after he got one pregnant, doesn't pay support, and moved to the next, I'm still the bad one to the hoes.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 68794700
Spain
04/02/2015 09:38 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
OP, I think you should let your daughter learn the hard way. I understand as parent, that you don't want to see her get hurt. But this will be a life lesson. Hope that cheating bastards wife finds out soon. Sorry about your situation OP
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29045400


They don;t learn a thing. My ex was sleeping with several hoes while we were married. My ex convinced them I was the bad person, ironic right. Even after he got one pregnant, doesn't pay support, and moved to the next, I'm still the bad one to the hoes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 63209803


Except the wife knows, and is fine with it.

Op said that the daughter explained:
"that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter".
MonocyteOne

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04/02/2015 09:41 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
You're in a tough spot no doubt about that. I wouldn't let the cheating bastard in my house. If your daughter chooses to date a married man she should have to live with the consequences. No family functions etc.

Poaching is a good word for what she's doing. Good luck. We all love our kids but maybe you are going to take a stand on this one.
 Quoting: HollyWho


Hmmm...

So after thinking about it for a bit, my question is how is it cheating if both the husband and the wife know what each other are doing, and agree to it? Doesn't cheating mean someone is breaking an agreement that exists between the spouses, and going behind each other's backs? Seems like they're in agreement.

Poaching? How is that a good word? Doesn't that imply she's stealing the man away from his wife? Sounds like the husband and wife are happy in their arrangement, and leaving his wife isn't an option nor a consideration according to him.

Last Edited by everLearner on 04/02/2015 09:41 AM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 68693562
United States
04/02/2015 09:42 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
OP, I think you should let your daughter learn the hard way. I understand as parent, that you don't want to see her get hurt. But this will be a life lesson. Hope that cheating bastards wife finds out soon. Sorry about your situation OP
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 29045400


They don;t learn a thing. My ex was sleeping with several hoes while we were married. My ex convinced them I was the bad person, ironic right. Even after he got one pregnant, doesn't pay support, and moved to the next, I'm still the bad one to the hoes.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 63209803


Except the wife knows, and is fine with it.

Op said that the daughter explained:
"that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter".
 Quoting: Petrichor


she probably had a threesome with his wife.

He is probably going to ask to have threesome with OP and her daughter.
Eggcellent
Re-Instate Smith-Mundt!

User ID: 68546403
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04/02/2015 09:42 AM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
The 'married' man has no respect for the sanctity of marriage, and your daughter is foolishly engaging his desires.

Tell your daughter the reason he hasn't bought another cow is because the milk is free.
 Quoting: Occasionally Swears


Well you summed that up very well.

Straight to the point.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1408355




Of course, perhaps the daughter doesn't want to buy the whole hog just to have a little sausage........

Sorry, couldn't resist!
"I have come to the conclusion that all news should be treated like 9/11, assume it is a psyop with actors participating in a staged event complete with props, until proven otherwise, in which case assume whatever is being recorded, reported, televised, is distortions/lying by omission/outright lies, until proven otherwise." - Anonymous, 4-13-12
faint

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04/02/2015 09:43 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Dating? Do you mean fucking?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 52197375


Well they're not "courting"...
Ron Paul was the last true Statesman
Trump is fine- no hate/no fawning. Let him do his job.
intj, please bear with me
Anonymous Coward
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04/02/2015 09:44 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
You're in a tough spot no doubt about that. I wouldn't let the cheating bastard in my house. If your daughter chooses to date a married man she should have to live with the consequences. No family functions etc.

Poaching is a good word for what she's doing. Good luck. We all love our kids but maybe you are going to take a stand on this one.
 Quoting: HollyWho


Hmmm...

So after thinking about it for a bit, my question is how is it cheating if both the husband and the wife know what each other are doing, and agree to it? Doesn't cheating mean someone is breaking an agreement that exists between the spouses, and going behind each other's backs? Seems like they're in agreement.

Poaching? How is that a good word? Doesn't that imply she's stealing the man away from his wife? Sounds like the husband and wife are happy in their arrangement, and leaving his wife isn't an option nor a consideration according to him.
 Quoting: MonocyteOne


I agree.
Dances With Fire

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04/02/2015 09:45 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
As described this is neither poaching nor home wrecking.
Free speech is never free.

Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key - Eagles
Anonymous Coward
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04/02/2015 09:47 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Straight up, you need to protect your daughter.

If this were my family (HIGHLY unlikely), I would have his legs
broken and a generic message passed that he is plowing in the
wrong field and subsequent visits would get increasingly worse.

Do not do this yourself. Be in the presence of a few dozen other
people at the time it goes down so as to have an alibi.

You will likely be able to hire a few hard hittin' naggars to do the
job for nothing more than a sack of weed and bottle or Patron.

Your job is not to be your daughter's FRIEND.

Your job is to be her PARENT, a job that never stops regardless of her age.

Protect her.





GLP