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My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.

 
Anonymous Coward
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04/03/2015 04:45 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Id consider getting a gun.
I beat the shit out of my child if they ever tried such stupidiy
ajk

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04/03/2015 04:47 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
You came here to have your supposed moral authority to both intervene and judge them reinforced and nothing more.

This is none of your business and everyone who is involved knows the situation and is okay with it.

What you do is share your opinion on the emotional toll this may take and tell her the truth that this is very unlikely to manifest into a serious relationship, once that is understood, stay out of it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 65866010


I agree. I understand the concern of the OP....but it's her daughter's choice, not hers. Cutting any part of this off to me will just lead to more problems. What is said here is the best approach I think, be honest with her, make sure she knows for sure what she's into and if she's happy with that....and beyond that let her go from there. She'll trust you a lot more if she is trusted too. I know from my own family experience on both sides.....if I don't feel supported/trusted, it's hard to wanna open up on something I am doing or want to do.

You mentioned also OP about Pagans being strict.....if she WAS getting back at you as some have suggested (though I can't say for sure one way or the other she is), maybe it's cause of how strict her upbringing woulda been? An act of rebellion? That's a thought to consider as well.....but in any case, let her figure out what she's doing and just be there for her wherever that leads. It will be better for both of you that way.

Remember, this isn't about you and what you want for her or think is best for her, but rather about her. That's where many parents lose their kids I believe.....trying to mold them into what THEY want them to be rather than listening and paying attention to what they actually want themselves. Don't make that mistake.

Last Edited by ajk on 04/03/2015 04:49 AM
No one is perfect. A babe before walking will first stumble and fall many times but NEVER gives up until he succeeds.

Always remember, ultimately, to never follow any person's belief. Your relationship with God is between you and God.

If nothing else, remember this: religion = subservience, control and conformity, the same template as EVERY government

"Most believers would kill truth if truth threatened their religion." L. K. Washburn

"This crime called blasphemy was invented by priests for the purpose of defending doctrines not able to take care of themselves." Robert Ingersoll

"If anyone wants to know how God feels, it's a warm light as if the sun is poking through dark clouds and lifting your spirits with pure joy."
Anonymous Coward
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04/03/2015 05:05 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Op should high five the dude for being such a playa!
Anonymous Coward
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04/03/2015 06:07 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
I'm right there with you, OP, only it's my sister who's dating a married man. He's got a disabled son, around 5 years old. He stays most nights at my sister's new apartment. I don't know what he tells his wife. I do know that he's somehow able to clock in at his job, then he sneaks off for hours at a time. He comes back to work just to clock out. Awhile back he was caught stealing pain medicine from my now-deceased stepfather, and he's been caught snooping through closets and drawers on more than one occasion. He comes across as being SLIMY.

Oddly enough, our mother's house was broken into during my stepfather's funeral. (My sister lived with my mother until just recently, and often had her boyfriend over.) Although the boyfriend was at the funeral and couldn't have robbed the house himself, we suspect that he had something to do with the break-in. He'd been snooping in my stepfather's room, and knew exactly where the stolen items were kept. Very specific items were stolen, while other items of more value were left behind. The detectives said that whoever was behind it had been in the house before and knew it well. We also suspect that the thief had been searching for pain meds, but hospice had already disposed of them. I'm also fairly certain that he's taking at least some of the money that's intended for his disabled boy.

My sister is so obsessed with him that she isn't thinking straight. She sees NONE of this. According to her, he can do no wrong, and how DARE we suggest otherwise. I honestly don't know what she sees in him, but she thinks he hung the moon. I hope to goodness she doesn't get pregnant, but it's a very real possibility. She's 40 years old, by the way, and has a high school-aged son by her first husband. Married twice; divorced twice.

She's been seeing this guy for probably a year now. One of these days, it's all going to come crashing down, and I'm worried sick about the effect it'll have on my sister.
Anonymous Coward
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04/03/2015 06:22 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Leggo my Blue Eggo Waffles
Anonymous Coward
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04/03/2015 06:23 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
My daughter brought her Boyfriend home the other day to introduce him to the family. Everything was going fine until she admitted that he was married. When I asked him bluntly if he was separated from his wife and what his intentions were, he stated that he was not separated and that he had no intentions of leaving his wife.

My daughter could see that I was in shock, she quickly explained that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter. After all, she was dating on the side too. When I tuned to look at him, he was smiling and told me.. "Oh don't worry, I have been fixed, there will be no children. And I do not plan on getting divorced."

I left before I said something that I should not have. I could only think that if they were both dating other people, why did they even get married?

In raising my daughter, I taught her that you do not "Poach other women's men" end of story. The man is a sleazeball. Now what do I do?
 Quoting: Elfsong


Easy, take a sign where he works and to where he lives and hold it up 'this man is married and dating my daughter - put his name on Youtube with placards - tell the truth.

If you let him in your house - well the your daughter needs to stand out the front and say 'my mum lets me my date a married man'
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 68804893
United States
04/03/2015 02:50 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Your daughter is a whore and you know it.. so she is a failure as a person and you feel it makes you a failure as a parent.. also you are a total control freak and sound psychotic.. maybe you should get out and about a bit.. or maybe you are just mad cause the asshole she is dating made a pass at you and you where so excited you didnt know what to do or make of it..
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 68803824



I can see by your reply that you have never known the feel of a loving family. And for that, I am sorry for you.

As for him... Please, I have way better taste than that, not to mention, he looks a lot like you.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 68804893
United States
04/03/2015 02:52 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
You came here to have your supposed moral authority to both intervene and judge them reinforced and nothing more.

This is none of your business and everyone who is involved knows the situation and is okay with it.

What you do is share your opinion on the emotional toll this may take and tell her the truth that this is very unlikely to manifest into a serious relationship, once that is understood, stay out of it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 65866010


I agree. I understand the concern of the OP....but it's her daughter's choice, not hers. Cutting any part of this off to me will just lead to more problems. What is said here is the best approach I think, be honest with her, make sure she knows for sure what she's into and if she's happy with that....and beyond that let her go from there. She'll trust you a lot more if she is trusted too. I know from my own family experience on both sides.....if I don't feel supported/trusted, it's hard to wanna open up on something I am doing or want to do.

You mentioned also OP about Pagans being strict.....if she WAS getting back at you as some have suggested (though I can't say for sure one way or the other she is), maybe it's cause of how strict her upbringing woulda been? An act of rebellion? That's a thought to consider as well.....but in any case, let her figure out what she's doing and just be there for her wherever that leads. It will be better for both of you that way.

Remember, this isn't about you and what you want for her or think is best for her, but rather about her. That's where many parents lose their kids I believe.....trying to mold them into what THEY want them to be rather than listening and paying attention to what they actually want themselves. Don't make that mistake.
 Quoting: ajk


Thank you Ajk...
I have decided that I will continue to keep contact with my daughter, and ignore the idiot.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 68804893
United States
04/03/2015 02:54 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
I'm right there with you, OP, only it's my sister who's dating a married man. He's got a disabled son, around 5 years old. He stays most nights at my sister's new apartment. I don't know what he tells his wife. I do know that he's somehow able to clock in at his job, then he sneaks off for hours at a time. He comes back to work just to clock out. Awhile back he was caught stealing pain medicine from my now-deceased stepfather, and he's been caught snooping through closets and drawers on more than one occasion. He comes across as being SLIMY.

Oddly enough, our mother's house was broken into during my stepfather's funeral. (My sister lived with my mother until just recently, and often had her boyfriend over.) Although the boyfriend was at the funeral and couldn't have robbed the house himself, we suspect that he had something to do with the break-in. He'd been snooping in my stepfather's room, and knew exactly where the stolen items were kept. Very specific items were stolen, while other items of more value were left behind. The detectives said that whoever was behind it had been in the house before and knew it well. We also suspect that the thief had been searching for pain meds, but hospice had already disposed of them. I'm also fairly certain that he's taking at least some of the money that's intended for his disabled boy.

My sister is so obsessed with him that she isn't thinking straight. She sees NONE of this. According to her, he can do no wrong, and how DARE we suggest otherwise. I honestly don't know what she sees in him, but she thinks he hung the moon. I hope to goodness she doesn't get pregnant, but it's a very real possibility. She's 40 years old, by the way, and has a high school-aged son by her first husband. Married twice; divorced twice.

She's been seeing this guy for probably a year now. One of these days, it's all going to come crashing down, and I'm worried sick about the effect it'll have on my sister.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 65984721


I hope that you will be there for her, like I will be there for my daughter. Some day, both will see the light and realize that the promises that these two losers give them in the darkness of the night, will not be able to stand up to the light of the day.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 19100170
United States
04/04/2015 01:42 AM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Op should high five the dude for being such a playa!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 56478788


It is obvious that you do not have a woman or girl that you love and respect enough to want to stay with for the rest of your life. Because of this, there will come a time when you get over the ripe old age of 50 that you will be looking at the rest of your life at being alone. This means that there will be no one to hold you, share laughs with, sit and watch movies with and talk about family and the adventures that you shared. You will be alone, watching TV and wondering if anyone will even notice when you are gone...

I wish you well on your life of loneliness.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
Anonymous Coward
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United States
04/04/2015 01:47 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Slap some sense into that ho!
Anonymous Coward
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Australia
04/04/2015 01:53 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Would you like her to bring home a woman or girl instead !!!!!
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2015 01:57 AM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Earn how to throw a right hand liver, left hand hook.

Learn how to throw a backhand. Not in my house.
MonocyteOne

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04/04/2015 01:11 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
An elegant and social-engineering way of handling this would be to suggest the man to date people who are likewise married and in an open relationship, instead of single women. Plant that seed in his mind. When your daughter and him start having issues (due to things such as her getting jealous of the wife, etc), your suggestions might cause him to look elsewhere for people who live like he does and stop hanging around your daughter as much since you don't like that anyway.
Anonymous Coward
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Netherlands
04/04/2015 01:41 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Ohh thats so fucked up OP... Dont worry, the dating will most likely stop like within a few months..your daughter will maybe be heartbroken or whatever...i dont think it will last long

My advice: do nothing....just explain to her this is a waiste of time because there is no relationship , shes just being used
Logros
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04/04/2015 02:09 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Does he have kids with his wife? Why are they dating other people? I would not have too much of a problem with it if they were all adults but I question your daughter.

It is obviously more than sex if she is bringing him home to meet you. So they are not just swingers. The man basically has a wife who is first and a girlfriend who is second. How strange is that. She is not a girlfriend. She is a mistress.

Most women should want to be first in their man's heart. That is what marriage is. The point is your daughter is second. Only a mistress. She could do better.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 34760435


I agree with above poster. She should take the time to consider what kind of purpose she is fulfilling for the married man. Chances are she is indeed just the new hot thing for him to slam until he gets bored of her and wants something new if you'll forgive my being crass.

If she is amenable to being his mistress until she is replaced that is her choice to be his concubine and I'm sure there are consequences to that choice much like any other. Good luck.
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 19100170
United States
04/04/2015 02:13 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Would you like her to bring home a woman or girl instead !!!!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50497046



Actually, Of that I could deal with. As long as they were not married.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 19100170
United States
04/04/2015 02:15 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
An elegant and social-engineering way of handling this would be to suggest the man to date people who are likewise married and in an open relationship, instead of single women. Plant that seed in his mind. When your daughter and him start having issues (due to things such as her getting jealous of the wife, etc), your suggestions might cause him to look elsewhere for people who live like he does and stop hanging around your daughter as much since you don't like that anyway.
 Quoting: MonocyteOne



Thank you...
I love that idea. For I know that sooner or later he is going to start looking else where (they always do).

I have a feeling that once he realizes that there is no free ride coming from me (from the proceeds of my books) that he is going to look for another golden goose.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
MonocyteOne

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United States
04/04/2015 03:04 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
An elegant and social-engineering way of handling this would be to suggest the man to date people who are likewise married and in an open relationship, instead of single women. Plant that seed in his mind. When your daughter and him start having issues (due to things such as her getting jealous of the wife, etc), your suggestions might cause him to look elsewhere for people who live like he does and stop hanging around your daughter as much since you don't like that anyway.
 Quoting: MonocyteOne



Thank you...
I love that idea. For I know that sooner or later he is going to start looking else where (they always do).

I have a feeling that once he realizes that there is no free ride coming from me (from the proceeds of my books) that he is going to look for another golden goose.
 Quoting: Elfsong


You could say things like... "Have you ever dated someone else who was in an open marriage? I imagine that being with someone who can totally relate to you and your wife, would make things a lot easier."

Last Edited by everLearner on 04/04/2015 03:05 PM
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2015 03:12 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
 Quoting: Base12


No.. that was not my quote...
Even though I am Pagan.. I am a very strict Pagan. In fact, some of our Laws are stricter than the 10 Commandants.
 Quoting: Elfsong


churchlady

You practice paganism and Im guessing raised your children as pagans and now wonder why daughter is sleeping with a married man?

Perhaps you need to looking in the mirror to figure out where things went wrong.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2015 03:13 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
My daughter brought her Boyfriend home the other day to introduce him to the family. Everything was going fine until she admitted that he was married. When I asked him bluntly if he was separated from his wife and what his intentions were, he stated that he was not separated and that he had no intentions of leaving his wife.

My daughter could see that I was in shock, she quickly explained that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter. After all, she was dating on the side too. When I tuned to look at him, he was smiling and told me.. "Oh don't worry, I have been fixed, there will be no children. And I do not plan on getting divorced."

I left before I said something that I should not have. I could only think that if they were both dating other people, why did they even get married?

In raising my daughter, I taught her that you do not "Poach other women's men" end of story. The man is a sleazeball. Now what do I do?
 Quoting: Elfsong

She will get a disease if she does not have one already.
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 19100170
United States
04/04/2015 03:19 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
 Quoting: Base12


No.. that was not my quote...
Even though I am Pagan.. I am a very strict Pagan. In fact, some of our Laws are stricter than the 10 Commandants.
 Quoting: Elfsong


churchlady

You practice paganism and Im guessing raised your children as pagans and now wonder why daughter is sleeping with a married man?

Perhaps you need to looking in the mirror to figure out where things went wrong.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30454117



Actually.. you look first.
In our religion, the sanctity of Marriage is a very high held law. You do not "Poach", and the fact that she has broken this law is very evident and she knows it. She is now aware that he is not allowed in our home and that she will have a lot to do to regain the acceptance of our group.
She is also aware that any Oath that you give, should you not keep that Oath, you will have to answer deeply for it. Now, by finding out that she is not welcome at home, she must choose to leave the group, or go through the procedure to be accepted back in.
Like I said, our laws are stricter than the 10 Commandants.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
Elfsong  (OP)

User ID: 19100170
United States
04/04/2015 03:20 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
 Quoting: Base12


No.. that was not my quote...
Even though I am Pagan.. I am a very strict Pagan. In fact, some of our Laws are stricter than the 10 Commandants.
 Quoting: Elfsong


churchlady

You practice paganism and Im guessing raised your children as pagans and now wonder why daughter is sleeping with a married man?

Perhaps you need to looking in the mirror to figure out where things went wrong.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30454117


That is what I am worried about.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 30454117
United States
04/04/2015 03:39 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
 Quoting: Base12


No.. that was not my quote...
Even though I am Pagan.. I am a very strict Pagan. In fact, some of our Laws are stricter than the 10 Commandants.
 Quoting: Elfsong


churchlady

You practice paganism and Im guessing raised your children as pagans and now wonder why daughter is sleeping with a married man?

Perhaps you need to looking in the mirror to figure out where things went wrong.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 30454117



Actually.. you look first.
In our religion, the sanctity of Marriage is a very high held law. You do not "Poach", and the fact that she has broken this law is very evident and she knows it. She is now aware that he is not allowed in our home and that she will have a lot to do to regain the acceptance of our group.
She is also aware that any Oath that you give, should you not keep that Oath, you will have to answer deeply for it. Now, by finding out that she is not welcome at home, she must choose to leave the group, or go through the procedure to be accepted back in.
Like I said, our laws are stricter than the 10 Commandants.
 Quoting: Elfsong


sorry but wicca/paganism is only a religion in the minds of deluded and deceived individuals.

marriage is a union created and sanctified by God....not wiccan mumbo jumbo. Your child grew up watching you turn your back on God, your creator, and his ways in lieu of paganism. Yet you wonder how or why your child would lower herself to sleep with a married man?----she learned those ways from you.

That is what happens to children raised in a Godless house without a parent who adheres to Gods laws, commandments, and ways....which are higher, better, and exceedingly more moral that those of your pseudo "religion" of wicca/paganism.
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2015 04:09 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Why would a pagan give a rats ass about this topic? marriage is a religious construct. What possible difference could it make it to you?
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2015 04:10 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
bothers
Anonymous Coward
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04/04/2015 05:35 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
My daughter brought her Boyfriend home the other day to introduce him to the family. Everything was going fine until she admitted that he was married. When I asked him bluntly if he was separated from his wife and what his intentions were, he stated that he was not separated and that he had no intentions of leaving his wife.

My daughter could see that I was in shock, she quickly explained that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter. After all, she was dating on the side too. When I tuned to look at him, he was smiling and told me.. "Oh don't worry, I have been fixed, there will be no children. And I do not plan on getting divorced."

I left before I said something that I should not have. I could only think that if they were both dating other people, why did they even get married?

In raising my daughter, I taught her that you do not "Poach other women's men" end of story. The man is a sleazeball. Now what do I do?
 Quoting: Elfsong


You are a loser mother for raising such a piece of shitz that would date a married man. You failed big time loser.
MonocyteOne

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04/05/2015 08:25 PM
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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
I think it's hilarious how much OP is being railed against for raising her children in a Wiccan home, and so many are blaming that.

Did any of you ever hang out with preachers' kids?
Elfsong  (OP)

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United States
04/05/2015 08:39 PM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
I think it's hilarious how much OP is being railed against for raising her children in a Wiccan home, and so many are blaming that.

Did any of you ever hang out with preachers' kids?
 Quoting: MonocyteOne



Ah... It was the Minister's kids. and boy oh boy, did they think that they could get away with anything.

One is doing time right now for Embezzlement.
The vibrations of Mental Forces are the finest and consequently the most powerful in existence.....
Charles Haanel
LostReality33

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02/15/2020 01:30 AM

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Re: My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do.
Let her know about Johnny Dark Speak and let her join my "HAREM"

That's a nice thought >:33



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