Question for GLP parents who have more than one child

Definitely.

LOL Okay, glad to see it's not just me but how did you handle the situation? I try to be supportive, patient and non-judgemental but some days ... ugh, my patience really wears thin and then I feel guilty.

I feel grief for your child.

From my limited experience (male) (2 kids - boy 12 & daughter 9) it seems like my son takes after me and my daughter takes after her mother. I understand my son's thought processes much better than my daughter. But I try to always treat them equally. I find that their use of logic and reasoning is vastly different but most of their mannerisms reflect either myself or their mother. It will be interesting to see how they mature into adults. A lot of stress but I wouldn't change a thing.

I know it wasn't directed at me but why?

Just going on your opening post.. you talk too much. You could have said the same thing in 2, maybe three sentences. People that talk a lot usually aren't good listeners.
I had four children, my boy and one of my girls, died as young adults. Every one of my kids is unique. I have learned much from being their mother. And the loss of my two great kids, has left a whole in my life that no other can fill.

Because there is one child in the family a mother feels this way about.

I'm sure it can't be easy for Mom, but still, my heart goes out to the child.

Past lives are real.

Each spirit being comes in with a very, very different resume from the rest.

Yes, this definitely crossed my mind.

Nope

Oh boo hoo.

This mom is just venting.

I feel for them both. But the fact is, mother and child are still just humans and humans don't always jive with each other but they can still love each other.

I would walk through fire for my own 12 year old but he would try the patience of Job, is utterly uncoachable, totally selfish and bat crap crazy sometimes - except when he's not and being an amazing human.

He's nothing like me or his dad at all, it's hard.

I pray all day and night and try to take her illogical, self-destructive decisions one day at a time. Especially at night, so I can sleep.
It works. Also, I had to release my hopes and dreams for her to have a good life, and release my hopes for our friendship and holidays together, etc. That was hard, but reality says she has a long way to go and also shows me I will be lucky to see her at all as she puts herself in bad positions I never thought of at her age. I force myself to concentrate on the others who share my life and need me. My other child is progressing and we understand each other more evey year as he matures, we do well.

they are all individuals, some will be like you superficially but way different inside, and vice versa.


enjoy each one.


the odd thing is that the one most "like" you is sometimes the hardest child to deal with.

differences can bring peace in a family. if you like different flavors, no one argues over who gets which popsicle.

another reason to not have kids these days.. why waste your life trying to support a fucking kid? and when he/she grows up, they will repeat the cycle.

you work, come home, deal with shit, pay bills and support your kids, and then work again. what kind of life is that?


rather than having kids, why not use that money to travel the world??

read this thread, it will open your eyes.

i WILL NEVER have kids. you could pay be millions, and i still wouldnt have kids. kids will drain the life out of you.

Thread: FUCK Having a Kid These Days. Shit is to Expensive!!!

So a parent can only closely bond with one child? Or is that just for mothers?

Seems a little strange, but I am male so maybe I just don't understand.

I love both of my children equally and will always give them a fair chance until they prove themselves otherwise. Then I will still love them and try to support them until that support becomes destructive to their maturing into an adult.

How do you love one of your children more than the others? That seems against reason.

I am incredibly proud of both my children, and they have different personalities, but that means I get to respect and love them for the individuals they are.

Last Edited by JessKira Kadwalladyr on 10/15/2015 08:49 PM

Wisdom.

There is nothing better at teaching about life/this reality than raising a child. IMHO.

Don't know what to tell you about my response except I have a soft spot in my heart for children...and it's not an "Oh boo hoo" response like I'm being childish about it.

No doubt it's hard, never said or thought it wasn't.

Let's just leave the kid out of it, they have no voice here, right? Vent away, eh?

I'm out...

Nice intelligence gathering thread.

I wonder which fooktards fell for it.

I do, and sometimes its worrisome to me but I know from my own experience of having siblings that child/parent relationships are dynamic and change over time. Being the youngest by FAR and having older parents, it was very hard to feel like my parents could relate to me at all....but now that I'm an adult, my father and I have a great friendship on top of our parent/child relationship. I cut my mother out of my life years ago because she is evil so I cant speak to that but I feel like my dad finally 'gets' me - and the important thing I keep in mind when thinking about my own parenting obstacle course is that 1) he was always a good father and never treated me badly (hence, I don't resent that I did not feel "favorited") and 2) I can only now as an adult understand how it might have had a hard time relating to me the same way he did with my brothers - which I'm sure was doubly hard because on top of being a decade younger than his sons, I am also his only daughter. I remind myself of this at times when I find myself scratching my head or about to say the dreaded "why cant you be more like". The relationship I have with my father now has shown me that it IS possible to still be a good parent despite a great connection being absent, regardless of the reason its not there.

I would be a liar if I said I didnt always kind of feel left out or misunderstood being the youngest and the only girl but like I said...I understand NOW why that was happening and it wasnt his fault. Were there moments when I freaked out and said stupid shit like 'You love X or Y better than me"? Yeah. But my dad, in his fantastic dad way, just usually countered it with something like 'I know it looks that way but there'll come a day when it won't'.

Until I have ADULT children who might come to appreciate the intricacies of love and parenting, I do what I can to acknowledge the individual and (much like with every other person in my life) focus on the unique characteristics they possess that not only make them who they are but what they are: little pieces of me. There's little - if nothing - more profound than looking into the eyes of a piece of you that you willingly brought forth into being from yourself. Even then, I dont know if its different from men (aside from the obvious physical processes of pregnancy itself) but I was in love way before I ever saw a face anyway. To hell with who has my favorite personality.

To answer your question about the stress on the family dynamic, I would say that you should do everything you can to not let it tear you all apart. My mother was one of those "if you werent my kid, I'd..." types and it was a nightmare that no child should have to live through. Add to that the fact that I was also the youngest in my entire extended family (again, by a fair amount of years) - meaning I had little in common with ANYONE - and it was a recipe for disaster. Eternal black sheepville here I come. Eventually, however, I let go of all of them (except my dad)...and sometimes its still a real bummer. My mother's attitude towards me influenced others to such a degree that it really did tear the whole family into pieces. I hear they are ALL at war with each other these days after I refused to attend my brother's funeral where a non-family member and some distant cousins apparently defended me. I'm evil, I'm good, I'm heartless, I'm the victim. I didnt even have to set foot in the building to cause an actual melee.

My advice? Tread very carefully. Hug your kids. Tell them WHY you love them in front of each other ( trust me - they will learn that love doesnt give a shit about differences.

JUST keep the one in line and when you're getting tired,tel that one to step back BECAUSE YOU ARE TIRED right now.
yeah be supportive IF and only IF they're going the right way-
old repetitive statement in here : you're goin the wrong way,
and piss poor planning eads to piss poor outcome-
and on the refrigerator-lack of planning ON YOUR PART, does not constitute an emergency on my part.

he or she wil be fine-they all grow up, some are faster ON the uptake and some act stupid to break yer ballz on and on.
HAD 2 in here that way.

Lol, paranoid much?

I have six children. My oldest is 20. All are loved and cared for equally. But getting along is another matter entirely. My oldest is living at home while going to college. It's awful. We clash over everything. I think that living together and having finances linked with anyone is very difficult. I am hopeful that when he is all done with school and is living on his own, we will be able to be friends. For now, the trick is not getting too worked up whenever he does something stupid. I have to let things go and carefully pick my battles. I also try to connect with him in other areas. We have plenty of similar interests and can have great conversations. I just have to remember that I can talk to him about more than just how I think he should be taking care of his business. When things get really bad between us, I try and get back to our common ground (even if it's just something like music or movies) and focus on the positive qualities he possesses.

We'll if your child can sense you feel.that way about them then they will fit in even less and yes children can sense that. You have to look for good things about the kid that you can praise and actually admire.

Spare the rod, spoil the child.

I'm a mother of 3.

Each of my kids are unique, I love them all equally. I love different QUALITIES about each one.
My daughter is very smart, she does not want to disappoint anyone, she's empathetic to the people around her and has a huge heart.
My oldest (boy) also has a huge heart, though he tends to be a slacker when it comes to school work.
My youngest, he's special needs, you wouldn't know it if you saw him though.

My biggest struggle has been making sure the other two don't feel left out since the youngest requires more care.

My immediate bond was different with each child, the first and second were fairly instant, the first was scary because it was my first, the second because it was a girl (I'm not a girly girl and had no clue what I was going to do with this pink bundle) the youngest, I didn't get to hold him for almost a month, he spent quite some time in the NICU, I couldn't even breast feed him. So "bonding" was tougher.

But all 3 of us are bonded now :)

I'm much harder on the girl, which is a long different story.

Last Edited by Oldmotherhubbard on 10/15/2015 10:02 PM

I have 2 daughters 25 & 27 and one 23 year old son. They gave me a run for my money, my oldest daughter especially. I constantly was fighting with her, she is just like her dad and very stubborn. There is no stopping her when she made her mind up about something, even when she was a baby.

I fought with her so much to keep her in line. I didn't expect to get along with her anymore. I didn't care if she hated me, I figured if she didn't hate me I wasn't doing my job. When's he would take off at first I would worry myself sick and then I figured why should I worry she's out having fun and if she is in trouble I will be the first one called.

It was so fucking hard raising 3 kids but me and my husband got through it somehow. My kids are now all living on their own and never ask me for anything. I see them a couple times a week and talk to all 3 of them everyday. They thank me for being such a bitch-their exact words because that's how we are in our family with the sarcastic attitudes.

All I can say is hang in there and don't take it all so serious and never take it personal. They are just learning who they are and that sometimes can get ugly.

Good luck

I have 4, 2 girls 2 boys.
Yes, it's very hard, hang in there.
Pray a lot.
Don't take it all seriously.
Keep your unreal expectations in check.

Take care of yourself and your husband.
Keeping this relationship will help everything else.

Put your man FIRST.

That's a tough one. I have to go with "potato" on this one.

You lost me at fashion and design . . .

You make a lot of assumptions and make invalid statements in your opening statement. As such your question/s can not be answered in a straight forward way.