Hello all i wanted to give a quick update. I am staying at a safe place with my children for now. My husband and i had a in depth discussion over these behaviors that ive found concerning and that have troubled me. He admitted he didnt realize what he was doing was hurting me so much and that he just wants me to be faithful to him. I told him that we can not fix this alone and we need professional help if it is to be fixed. We started marriage counseling this morning with our pastor and had a 2 hour session with him. We have agreed to marriage counseling 2x to 3x a week for the foreseeable future until things start to get better. He also enrolled in anger management classes and starts them tomorrow. I told him i love him dearly but i can not allow myself and our children to live with him until things change. So my children and i are staying with a friend from church for at least next few months to see if counselling will save our marriage. My husband doesnt know where she lives but we have agreed to stay in contact so he can see our babies and spend time with them. I do not want to leave him forever i love him deeply and want to heal our family. I believe that God guided me to our pastor not for a way out but a way to repair. I am being safe though and not getting my hopes up just yet. But i will continue to pray for my husband and that God guides him and heals his body and spirit so one day we can reunite together under one roof. Till then i have to keep my family and myself safe. If the day comes that counseling in our church and classes have not changed anything, then i will sever our bond and continue to nurture our children alone. But it is good to see that i am not alone and i have my church supporting both of us in our own ways we need at the time. I appreciate your prayers friends. I am glad that i wrote my feelings here. If i had never done so i dont know if i wouldve found the strength on my own to rise up and ask for help. I promise to stay safe and not give in to the temptation of returning too soon. I see that this is going to take many many months if its possible to repair. And then only will work if we are equally yoked in the process of healing.

Love your sister in Christ, Dust it Off

1 Corinthians 13:7
Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.