Hugs to you all !!!

I tried talking again with my husband, and it is falling on deaf ears. There is nothing else I can do but just be there for him. He has chosen his path, with the addiction to pills, booze,his smoking, and his poor diet. I have tried so hard over the years to get him to seek help, to no avail.

When he is sober, he is an absolutely delightful person to be with. He has raised my children, and has been an excellent father to them, overall. We have been together for 19 years, and married for 17 years.

He changed a lot when he got seriously hurt at work, and left permanently disabled 11 years ago. His whole outlook on life soured. He went from a healthy young man to a bitter man. He seemed to sorta level out a bit, when he was offered a sit down security guard job at his workplace, when his disabilities prevented him from ever working as an electrician again. But when the workplace folded 6 1/2 years ago, he just went to pieces mentally and physically.He went on disability, as emphysema kicked in on top of everything else. Everything started going downhill as he tried to drown his private hell with pills washed down with beer. The verbal abuse towards me started, and even had a couple of minor physical confrontations. There was nothing I could do to try to ease things for him. Even my deep love for him didn't work.

So now I am in the middle of a waiting game. What else is going to turn up next in his growing list of illnesses? With the aneurysm, I have a absolute horrible fear of just finding him dead. If that thing blows, he will be dead in a minute. Even though we have a hospital less than a mile away, he would not make it there.

Sorry for my rant.