To clarify without too much detail.

9/10 I missed a flight to a contract. My crew (3 friends of mine and others) went ahead earlier in the day. I had paperwork and other things to do before leaving. I got home late and that caused a fight with wife over my working on our day to spend time with each other. Doing this caused me to miss my flight. I was late and no other flights that evening.

The crew were onsite 9/11 early working.

I caught a govt flight from Carswell AFB at 4:10am local. I was over TN when all non essential flights were brought down.

I lost those friends this fateful day 18 years ago. I talk to their wives and children usually 9.9 through today every year. Today I had court for divorce. It was shit when the judge called for a moment of silence. I was already upset. I cried. I usually do on this day every freaking year. Wife looked over and started laughing after the moment of silence.

This depression all has to do with what happened that day, who I lost, how I was not part of it and should have been there. I was not there. I should have been. My friends wives and children still grieve to this day. It is not an easy day for me. Never has been since.

My kids do not really understand it. I tried to explain. I have shown videos. I have show documentaries. I have explained it. They just dont get why I am as upset as I am.

Sorry this is the short version of everything.

As I have said. Today was good for me in court. I am not upset over that. I am happy over it. I think what set me off worse was her laughing at me being upset. I dont know.