All I want for Christmas | |
Zuzu User ID: 70218245 United States 12/13/2015 01:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 70388230 Canada 12/13/2015 01:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Lo Pan User ID: 71020292 United States 12/13/2015 01:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 71010640 Australia 12/13/2015 01:52 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Santa will have none to spare. It's all for the reindeer, need to keep them flying you know! Quoting: Zuzu Stop making excuses for him! Everyone knows Santa spikes the reindeer feed with crystal meth, so they go all night without rest :) He just tries to keep that weed for himself and the elves so they don't rebel against his hard labour. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 71010640 Australia 12/13/2015 01:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Oh hell bro, if you were out here in Cali, I would treat you to some of the finest... I do have have medical rec... Quoting: Lo Pan Dear Bro Pan, This sounds like a plan. When I green out from the overdose, please don't draw penises on my face and leave me outside on the verb for everyone to hashtag me. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 71010640 Australia 12/13/2015 01:56 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Lo Pan User ID: 71020292 United States 12/13/2015 01:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Oh hell bro, if you were out here in Cali, I would treat you to some of the finest... I do have have medical rec... Quoting: Lo Pan Dear Bro Pan, This sounds like a plan. When I green out from the overdose, please don't draw penises on my face and leave me outside on the verb for everyone to hashtag me. LOL! No way man! I'll just be on GLP, occasionally looking over to make sure you're still okay. lol Last Edited by An Hero on 12/13/2015 01:59 AM |
Zuzu User ID: 70218245 United States 12/13/2015 01:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Santa will have none to spare. It's all for the reindeer, need to keep them flying you know! Quoting: Zuzu Stop making excuses for him! Everyone knows Santa spikes the reindeer feed with crystal meth, so they go all night without rest :) He just tries to keep that weed for himself and the elves so they don't rebel against his hard labour. Hey, stop destroying my childhood idols. Everyone knows that Santa's nose is so red because of the cocaine! The weed is for the day after Christmas! I can only imagine what is cooked into all those cookies that the elves eat. Surely their kitchen smells like an old Bob Marley concert. Proud to share the basket with you. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 71010640 Australia 12/13/2015 01:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Santa will have none to spare. It's all for the reindeer, need to keep them flying you know! Quoting: Zuzu Stop making excuses for him! Everyone knows Santa spikes the reindeer feed with crystal meth, so they go all night without rest :) He just tries to keep that weed for himself and the elves so they don't rebel against his hard labour. Hey, stop destroying my childhood idols. Everyone knows that Santa's nose is so red because of the cocaine! The weed is for the day after Christmas! I can only imagine what is cooked into all those cookies that the elves eat. Surely their kitchen smells like an old Bob Marley concert. My apologies, I thought Santa just had snow on his beard. The truth has been exposed! As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 71010640 Australia 12/13/2015 02:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Oh hell bro, if you were out here in Cali, I would treat you to some of the finest... I do have have medical rec... Quoting: Lo Pan Dear Bro Pan, This sounds like a plan. When I green out from the overdose, please don't draw penises on my face and leave me outside on the verb for everyone to hashtag me. LOL! No way man! I'll just be on GLP, occasionally looking over to make sure you're still okay. lol Lol Add this to the list :) This isn't...yours is it haha As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Lo Pan User ID: 71020292 United States 12/13/2015 02:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Oh hell bro, if you were out here in Cali, I would treat you to some of the finest... I do have have medical rec... Quoting: Lo Pan Dear Bro Pan, This sounds like a plan. When I green out from the overdose, please don't draw penises on my face and leave me outside on the verb for everyone to hashtag me. LOL! No way man! I'll just be on GLP, occasionally looking over to make sure you're still okay. lol Lol Add this to the list :) This isn't...yours is it haha hahaha I love the Evil Dead series! |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 71010640 Australia 12/13/2015 02:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Also Santa, I have some cool friends. I know they stopped believing in you a while ago, but if you could swing past and deliver a high powered surround sound system to Lo Rider, a quantum computer to Cark, and a $5000 a night escort to The Pan, I would appreciate it. I would salt your sled way free of charge for the next 30 years. I don't expect to survive that long given the deteriorating conditions of my basement, however the contract can still be drawn up. Should I not be able to fulfil my end of this agreement, My friends cousins aunties baby brother Jerry said he would take over. Last Edited by Crystalmethod on 12/13/2015 02:09 AM As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Lo Pan User ID: 71020292 United States 12/13/2015 02:24 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Also Santa, Quoting: Crystalmethod I have some cool friends. I know they stopped believing in you a while ago, but if you could swing past and deliver a high powered surround sound system to Lo Rider, a quantum computer to Cark, and a $5000 a night escort to The Pan, I would appreciate it. I would salt your sled way free of charge for the next 30 years. I don't expect to survive that long given the deteriorating conditions of my basement, however the contract can still be drawn up. Should I not be able to fulfil my end of this agreement, My friends cousins aunties baby brother Jerry said he would take over. Oh man. hahahahaha Thanks bro, best Christmas gift ever! lol! Last Edited by An Hero on 12/13/2015 06:58 PM |
Kai (VALIS) User ID: 19402590 United States 12/13/2015 02:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Dear Crispin Chipner, Due to the fact that Santa Claus is no longer real (because of complications arising from the latter half of The Philadelphia Experiment and Project: Rainbow), we have been instructed by the US Air Force Office of Special Investigations to take over "his" regularly scheduled gift delivery service. This is what you (and every other "human") will be receiving for Christmas for the next 3759366202685926 years or until the planet "earth" is no longer a viable setting for life to exist: - The Spider Kid |
Zuzu User ID: 70218245 United States 12/13/2015 02:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Santa will have none to spare. It's all for the reindeer, need to keep them flying you know! Quoting: Zuzu Stop making excuses for him! Everyone knows Santa spikes the reindeer feed with crystal meth, so they go all night without rest :) He just tries to keep that weed for himself and the elves so they don't rebel against his hard labour. Hey, stop destroying my childhood idols. Everyone knows that Santa's nose is so red because of the cocaine! The weed is for the day after Christmas! I can only imagine what is cooked into all those cookies that the elves eat. Surely their kitchen smells like an old Bob Marley concert. My apologies, I thought Santa just had snow on his beard. The truth has been exposed! Yep, all that snow on his beard is what puts the twinkle in his eye. Proud to share the basket with you. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 69781871 United States 12/13/2015 02:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 68860410 Australia 12/13/2015 03:15 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Dear Crispin Chipner, Quoting: Kai (VALIS) Due to the fact that Santa Claus is no longer real (because of complications arising from the latter half of The Philadelphia Experiment and Project: Rainbow), we have been instructed by the US Air Force Office of Special Investigations to take over "his" regularly scheduled gift delivery service. This is what you (and every other "human") will be receiving for Christmas for the next 3759366202685926 years or until the planet "earth" is no longer a viable setting for life to exist: Dear Kai, It was unfortunate that the experiments did not work out as planned and Santa was eliminated from the time wave continuum. Hence from the age of three I set about to construct my own time machine made from a box of cheerio's, some copper I stripped from an old radio and some cubic zirconia taken from my mums jewellery box. By the age of 33 I had completed my machine and went back to when the dinosaurs roamed, approximately 2400 years ago. There I found Santa barricaded in a cave hiding from T-Rex. I offered to take Santa back on one condition, he would never again let kids sit on his lap and offer them candy. Santa complied and I brought him to an alternate time line. He still has to compete with the Box, otherwise known as the TV, but he has copious amounts of amphetamines which we also brought back from the year 1973. Santa also contracted an STD from that year and is being blackmailed by Magic Johnson & Eddie Murphy who have the cure. Together Santa, Easter bunny and Stephen Hawkins have theorised earth will be non viable in the next 12 years, again voiding the contract I have with him to salt his sled way. I also requested that Santa deliver you a space ship that has the capabilities to fly to the planets Mars & Venus. There you will find vampires and werewolves roaming in their natural habitat. Included in the space ship will be a high-powered zoom lens camera. I expect you to bring back cool pictures. Last Edited by Crystalmethod on 12/13/2015 03:17 AM As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 69999141 Singapore 12/13/2015 03:17 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 69999141 Singapore 12/13/2015 03:19 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Crystalmethod Stop making excuses for him! Everyone knows Santa spikes the reindeer feed with crystal meth, so they go all night without rest :) He just tries to keep that weed for himself and the elves so they don't rebel against his hard labour. Hey, stop destroying my childhood idols. Everyone knows that Santa's nose is so red because of the cocaine! The weed is for the day after Christmas! I can only imagine what is cooked into all those cookies that the elves eat. Surely their kitchen smells like an old Bob Marley concert. My apologies, I thought Santa just had snow on his beard. The truth has been exposed! Yep, all that snow on his beard is what puts the twinkle in his eye. But if it came down to it would you let old santi clause go down on you??? I heard santa also started the eatin ass fetish too.. what would you do if santa wanted to do you??? |
Zuzu User ID: 70218245 United States 12/13/2015 03:34 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Zuzu Hey, stop destroying my childhood idols. Everyone knows that Santa's nose is so red because of the cocaine! The weed is for the day after Christmas! I can only imagine what is cooked into all those cookies that the elves eat. Surely their kitchen smells like an old Bob Marley concert. My apologies, I thought Santa just had snow on his beard. The truth has been exposed! Yep, all that snow on his beard is what puts the twinkle in his eye. But if it came down to it would you let old santi clause go down on you??? I heard santa also started the eatin ass fetish too.. what would you do if santa wanted to do you??? Nope, and he can keep his yule log and sugarplums to himself as well. He's a married man after all and I am not a home wrecker. Can you imagine the child support for all of those elves? Proud to share the basket with you. |
Kai (VALIS) User ID: 19402590 United States 12/13/2015 03:37 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Dear Crispin Chipner, Quoting: Kai (VALIS) Due to the fact that Santa Claus is no longer real (because of complications arising from the latter half of The Philadelphia Experiment and Project: Rainbow), we have been instructed by the US Air Force Office of Special Investigations to take over "his" regularly scheduled gift delivery service. This is what you (and every other "human") will be receiving for Christmas for the next 3759366202685926 years or until the planet "earth" is no longer a viable setting for life to exist: Dear Kai, It was unfortunate that the experiments did not work out as planned and Santa was eliminated from the time wave continuum. Hence from the age of three I set about to construct my own time machine made from a box of cheerio's, some copper I stripped from an old radio and some cubic zirconia taken from my mums jewellery box. By the age of 33 I had completed my machine and went back to when the dinosaurs roamed, approximately 2400 years ago. There I found Santa barricaded in a cave hiding from T-Rex. I offered to take Santa back on one condition, he would never again let kids sit on his lap and offer them candy. Santa complied and I brought him to an alternate time line. He still has to compete with the Box, otherwise known as the TV, but he has copious amounts of amphetamines which we also brought back from the year 1973. Santa also contracted an STD from that year and is being blackmailed by Magic Johnson & Eddie Murphy who have the cure. Together Santa, Easter bunny and Stephen Hawkins have theorised earth will be non viable in the next 12 years, again voiding the contract I have with him to salt his sled way. I also requested that Santa deliver you a space ship that has the capabilities to fly to the planets Mars & Venus. There you will find vampires and werewolves roaming in their natural habitat. Included in the space ship will be a high-powered zoom lens camera. I expect you to bring back cool pictures. Acknowledged. I will reconfigure the hyperspacial warp module to account for transdimensional flux. We were unaware of your recent foray into the whole general sort of mish-mash. But certain anomalies which we recently observed (the microwave oven consciousness event shifted to around 29364927 protoyears too early, among other things) led to a fair amount of speculation as to a possible flux event. McRandorgabb Fluggrosh suggested that you may have been moving around on the Z axis again. Hopefully the goddamned ATIC spooks will return my ship. In the meantime I will very much appreciate the gift you requested from Santa Claws. I will snap some quality vamp photos for you. - The Spider Kid |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 68860410 Australia 12/13/2015 03:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Crystalmethod My apologies, I thought Santa just had snow on his beard. The truth has been exposed! Yep, all that snow on his beard is what puts the twinkle in his eye. But if it came down to it would you let old santi clause go down on you??? I heard santa also started the eatin ass fetish too.. what would you do if santa wanted to do you??? Nope, and he can keep his yule log and sugarplums to himself as well. He's a married man after all and I am not a home wrecker. Can you imagine the child support for all of those elves? The child support is covered by Polecare Insurance. In return the elves make special toys for Mrs Claus, so that Santa can attend his Bukkake parties in the North. I hear he is quite the swinger, has a huge sack and comes more than once a year like we are led to believe. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 68860410 Australia 12/13/2015 03:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Dear Crispin Chipner, Quoting: Kai (VALIS) Due to the fact that Santa Claus is no longer real (because of complications arising from the latter half of The Philadelphia Experiment and Project: Rainbow), we have been instructed by the US Air Force Office of Special Investigations to take over "his" regularly scheduled gift delivery service. This is what you (and every other "human") will be receiving for Christmas for the next 3759366202685926 years or until the planet "earth" is no longer a viable setting for life to exist: Dear Kai, It was unfortunate that the experiments did not work out as planned and Santa was eliminated from the time wave continuum. Hence from the age of three I set about to construct my own time machine made from a box of cheerio's, some copper I stripped from an old radio and some cubic zirconia taken from my mums jewellery box. By the age of 33 I had completed my machine and went back to when the dinosaurs roamed, approximately 2400 years ago. There I found Santa barricaded in a cave hiding from T-Rex. I offered to take Santa back on one condition, he would never again let kids sit on his lap and offer them candy. Santa complied and I brought him to an alternate time line. He still has to compete with the Box, otherwise known as the TV, but he has copious amounts of amphetamines which we also brought back from the year 1973. Santa also contracted an STD from that year and is being blackmailed by Magic Johnson & Eddie Murphy who have the cure. Together Santa, Easter bunny and Stephen Hawkins have theorised earth will be non viable in the next 12 years, again voiding the contract I have with him to salt his sled way. I also requested that Santa deliver you a space ship that has the capabilities to fly to the planets Mars & Venus. There you will find vampires and werewolves roaming in their natural habitat. Included in the space ship will be a high-powered zoom lens camera. I expect you to bring back cool pictures. Acknowledged. I will reconfigure the hyperspacial warp module to account for transdimensional flux. We were unaware of your recent foray into the whole general sort of mish-mash. But certain anomalies which we recently observed (the microwave oven consciousness event shifted to around 29364927 protoyears too early, among other things) led to a fair amount of speculation as to a possible flux event. McRandorgabb Fluggrosh suggested that you may have been moving around on the Z axis again. Hopefully the goddamned ATIC spooks will return my ship. In the meantime I will very much appreciate the gift you requested from Santa Claws. I will snap some quality vamp photos for you. Dear Kai, I appreciate your detailed analysis of the situation. In hindsight using cheerio's instead of coco pops was a mistake. I hope you are able to correct the unforseen paradox of woman needing to sit down to pee. Please also get some snap shots of the werewolves, but be on the lookout for Captain Cryptard of the SS RI. I hear she is also gathering DNA to create the yellow wolf hybrid to bring back as a pet on earth. This could be catastrophic to the pubicisous Hare species and green Rabbits who spend all year round in the warrens of the west. Last Edited by Crystalmethod on 12/13/2015 03:49 AM As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Zuzu User ID: 70218245 United States 12/13/2015 03:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | But if it came down to it would you let old santi clause go down on you??? I heard santa also started the eatin ass fetish too.. what would you do if santa wanted to do you??? Nope, and he can keep his yule log and sugarplums to himself as well. He's a married man after all and I am not a home wrecker. Can you imagine the child support for all of those elves? The child support is covered by Polecare Insurance. In return the elves make special toys for Mrs Claus, so that Santa can attend his Bukkake parties in the North. I hear he is quite the swinger, has a huge sack and comes more than once a year like we are led to believe. Polecare, is that a subsidiary of Obama care? If so that in itself might cover Mrs. Clauses toys! And speaking of poles, with all those extracurricular activities Mr. Clause is engaging in I hope that he is adequately gift wrapping so as not to risk loosing the jungle in his balls. Proud to share the basket with you. |
Zuzu User ID: 70218245 United States 12/13/2015 04:02 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Dear Crispin Chipner, Quoting: Kai (VALIS) Due to the fact that Santa Claus is no longer real (because of complications arising from the latter half of The Philadelphia Experiment and Project: Rainbow), we have been instructed by the US Air Force Office of Special Investigations to take over "his" regularly scheduled gift delivery service. This is what you (and every other "human") will be receiving for Christmas for the next 3759366202685926 years or until the planet "earth" is no longer a viable setting for life to exist: Dear Kai, It was unfortunate that the experiments did not work out as planned and Santa was eliminated from the time wave continuum. Hence from the age of three I set about to construct my own time machine made from a box of cheerio's, some copper I stripped from an old radio and some cubic zirconia taken from my mums jewellery box. By the age of 33 I had completed my machine and went back to when the dinosaurs roamed, approximately 2400 years ago. There I found Santa barricaded in a cave hiding from T-Rex. I offered to take Santa back on one condition, he would never again let kids sit on his lap and offer them candy. Santa complied and I brought him to an alternate time line. He still has to compete with the Box, otherwise known as the TV, but he has copious amounts of amphetamines which we also brought back from the year 1973. Santa also contracted an STD from that year and is being blackmailed by Magic Johnson & Eddie Murphy who have the cure. Together Santa, Easter bunny and Stephen Hawkins have theorised earth will be non viable in the next 12 years, again voiding the contract I have with him to salt his sled way. I also requested that Santa deliver you a space ship that has the capabilities to fly to the planets Mars & Venus. There you will find vampires and werewolves roaming in their natural habitat. Included in the space ship will be a high-powered zoom lens camera. I expect you to bring back cool pictures. Acknowledged. I will reconfigure the hyperspacial warp module to account for transdimensional flux. We were unaware of your recent foray into the whole general sort of mish-mash. But certain anomalies which we recently observed (the microwave oven consciousness event shifted to around 29364927 protoyears too early, among other things) led to a fair amount of speculation as to a possible flux event. McRandorgabb Fluggrosh suggested that you may have been moving around on the Z axis again. Hopefully the goddamned ATIC spooks will return my ship. In the meantime I will very much appreciate the gift you requested from Santa Claws. I will snap some quality vamp photos for you. Dear Kai, I appreciate your detailed analysis of the situation. In hindsight using cheerio's instead of coco pops was a mistake. I hope you are able to correct the unforseen paradox of woman needing to sit down to pee. Please also get some snap shots of the werewolves, but be on the lookout for Captain Cryptard of the SS RI. I hear she is also gathering DNA to create the yellow wolf hybrid to bring back as a pet on earth. This could be catastrophic to the pubicisous Hare species and green Rabbits who spend all year round in the warrens of the west. The heck with what Santa is delivering, I want some of what y'all are on! Can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading your conversation here. Very educational and a bit terrifying. Proud to share the basket with you. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 68860410 Australia 12/13/2015 04:18 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69999141 But if it came down to it would you let old santi clause go down on you??? I heard santa also started the eatin ass fetish too.. what would you do if santa wanted to do you??? Nope, and he can keep his yule log and sugarplums to himself as well. He's a married man after all and I am not a home wrecker. Can you imagine the child support for all of those elves? The child support is covered by Polecare Insurance. In return the elves make special toys for Mrs Claus, so that Santa can attend his Bukkake parties in the North. I hear he is quite the swinger, has a huge sack and comes more than once a year like we are led to believe. Polecare, is that a subsidiary of Obama care? If so that in itself might cover Mrs. Clauses toys! And speaking of poles, with all those extracurricular activities Mr. Clause is engaging in I hope that he is adequately gift wrapping so as not to risk loosing the jungle in his balls. Dear Zuzu, I am led to believe Santa rides the slay without first covering the seats with anti frosticular wrap. For years the elves have been encouraging him to use the wrap as he is always complaining about the blue ball jungle rumble. The Polecare is a subsidiary of Obamacare, which is a subsidiary of Medicare, which is a subsidiary of Gates & Zucker Plucker incorporated which does cover Mrs Claus adequately and the shows she provides for the elves keep them on their toes. For reasons I cannot I disclose at this point in time. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 68860410 Australia 12/13/2015 04:29 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Crystalmethod Dear Kai, It was unfortunate that the experiments did not work out as planned and Santa was eliminated from the time wave continuum. Hence from the age of three I set about to construct my own time machine made from a box of cheerio's, some copper I stripped from an old radio and some cubic zirconia taken from my mums jewellery box. By the age of 33 I had completed my machine and went back to when the dinosaurs roamed, approximately 2400 years ago. There I found Santa barricaded in a cave hiding from T-Rex. I offered to take Santa back on one condition, he would never again let kids sit on his lap and offer them candy. Santa complied and I brought him to an alternate time line. He still has to compete with the Box, otherwise known as the TV, but he has copious amounts of amphetamines which we also brought back from the year 1973. Santa also contracted an STD from that year and is being blackmailed by Magic Johnson & Eddie Murphy who have the cure. Together Santa, Easter bunny and Stephen Hawkins have theorised earth will be non viable in the next 12 years, again voiding the contract I have with him to salt his sled way. I also requested that Santa deliver you a space ship that has the capabilities to fly to the planets Mars & Venus. There you will find vampires and werewolves roaming in their natural habitat. Included in the space ship will be a high-powered zoom lens camera. I expect you to bring back cool pictures. Acknowledged. I will reconfigure the hyperspacial warp module to account for transdimensional flux. We were unaware of your recent foray into the whole general sort of mish-mash. But certain anomalies which we recently observed (the microwave oven consciousness event shifted to around 29364927 protoyears too early, among other things) led to a fair amount of speculation as to a possible flux event. McRandorgabb Fluggrosh suggested that you may have been moving around on the Z axis again. Hopefully the goddamned ATIC spooks will return my ship. In the meantime I will very much appreciate the gift you requested from Santa Claws. I will snap some quality vamp photos for you. Dear Kai, I appreciate your detailed analysis of the situation. In hindsight using cheerio's instead of coco pops was a mistake. I hope you are able to correct the unforseen paradox of woman needing to sit down to pee. Please also get some snap shots of the werewolves, but be on the lookout for Captain Cryptard of the SS RI. I hear she is also gathering DNA to create the yellow wolf hybrid to bring back as a pet on earth. This could be catastrophic to the pubicisous Hare species and green Rabbits who spend all year round in the warrens of the west. The heck with what Santa is delivering, I want some of what y'all are on! Can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading your conversation here. Very educational and a bit terrifying. Thanks! In fairness, this fun has been an equal contribution for all participating parties. Without you bringing the spice, there was little life. Kai got me cracking up and you have allowed me to almost pee my pants. Almost, but I did drain the tear ducts from lolzinos. Lolzinos is a new cosmically designed, air released formula. Side effect include busting out the inner child. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |
Kai (VALIS) User ID: 19402590 United States 12/13/2015 04:30 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Dear Crispin Chipner, Quoting: Kai (VALIS) Due to the fact that Santa Claus is no longer real (because of complications arising from the latter half of The Philadelphia Experiment and Project: Rainbow), we have been instructed by the US Air Force Office of Special Investigations to take over "his" regularly scheduled gift delivery service. This is what you (and every other "human") will be receiving for Christmas for the next 3759366202685926 years or until the planet "earth" is no longer a viable setting for life to exist: Dear Kai, It was unfortunate that the experiments did not work out as planned and Santa was eliminated from the time wave continuum. Hence from the age of three I set about to construct my own time machine made from a box of cheerio's, some copper I stripped from an old radio and some cubic zirconia taken from my mums jewellery box. By the age of 33 I had completed my machine and went back to when the dinosaurs roamed, approximately 2400 years ago. There I found Santa barricaded in a cave hiding from T-Rex. I offered to take Santa back on one condition, he would never again let kids sit on his lap and offer them candy. Santa complied and I brought him to an alternate time line. He still has to compete with the Box, otherwise known as the TV, but he has copious amounts of amphetamines which we also brought back from the year 1973. Santa also contracted an STD from that year and is being blackmailed by Magic Johnson & Eddie Murphy who have the cure. Together Santa, Easter bunny and Stephen Hawkins have theorised earth will be non viable in the next 12 years, again voiding the contract I have with him to salt his sled way. I also requested that Santa deliver you a space ship that has the capabilities to fly to the planets Mars & Venus. There you will find vampires and werewolves roaming in their natural habitat. Included in the space ship will be a high-powered zoom lens camera. I expect you to bring back cool pictures. Acknowledged. I will reconfigure the hyperspacial warp module to account for transdimensional flux. We were unaware of your recent foray into the whole general sort of mish-mash. But certain anomalies which we recently observed (the microwave oven consciousness event shifted to around 29364927 protoyears too early, among other things) led to a fair amount of speculation as to a possible flux event. McRandorgabb Fluggrosh suggested that you may have been moving around on the Z axis again. Hopefully the goddamned ATIC spooks will return my ship. In the meantime I will very much appreciate the gift you requested from Santa Claws. I will snap some quality vamp photos for you. Dear Kai, I appreciate your detailed analysis of the situation. In hindsight using cheerio's instead of coco pops was a mistake. I hope you are able to correct the unforseen paradox of woman needing to sit down to pee. Please also get some snap shots of the werewolves, but be on the lookout for Captain Cryptard of the SS RI. I hear she is also gathering DNA to create the yellow wolf hybrid to bring back as a pet on earth. This could be catastrophic to the pubicisous Hare species and green Rabbits who spend all year round in the warrens of the west. Crispin, Your intel is appreciated and will serve most useful as always. Captain Cryptard was indeed sighted by Minzger Slinkbiln Carpleplutz on Vorvoosal XIII last Yirpday. Likely the Captain was doing an initial survey prior to capturing several Yellow Wolf Hybrid specimens for shipment back to earth. It is collaborative efforts like these that give us hope for the past since we all know what happens in the future. You can expect snapshots of the werewolves (and perhaps even werebears, if our luck holds) by the day before tomorrow. The vampire photographs will be filed and faxed shortly thereafter to your address on Haploplaplitz B. - The Spider Kid |
Zuzu User ID: 70218245 United States 12/13/2015 04:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Kai (VALIS) Acknowledged. I will reconfigure the hyperspacial warp module to account for transdimensional flux. We were unaware of your recent foray into the whole general sort of mish-mash. But certain anomalies which we recently observed (the microwave oven consciousness event shifted to around 29364927 protoyears too early, among other things) led to a fair amount of speculation as to a possible flux event. McRandorgabb Fluggrosh suggested that you may have been moving around on the Z axis again. Hopefully the goddamned ATIC spooks will return my ship. In the meantime I will very much appreciate the gift you requested from Santa Claws. I will snap some quality vamp photos for you. Dear Kai, I appreciate your detailed analysis of the situation. In hindsight using cheerio's instead of coco pops was a mistake. I hope you are able to correct the unforseen paradox of woman needing to sit down to pee. Please also get some snap shots of the werewolves, but be on the lookout for Captain Cryptard of the SS RI. I hear she is also gathering DNA to create the yellow wolf hybrid to bring back as a pet on earth. This could be catastrophic to the pubicisous Hare species and green Rabbits who spend all year round in the warrens of the west. The heck with what Santa is delivering, I want some of what y'all are on! Can't tell you how much I've enjoyed reading your conversation here. Very educational and a bit terrifying. Thanks! In fairness, this fun has been an equal contribution for all participating parties. Without you bringing the spice, there was little life. Kai got me cracking up and you have allowed me to almost pee my pants. Almost, but I did drain the tear ducts from lolzinos. Lolzinos is a new cosmically designed, air released formula. Side effect include busting out the inner child. I think it might not hurt to check my depends as well! My son (18) just woke up and asked me what I keep laughing at. I had him read the thread and he has determined that we will all be getting coal for Christmas! He also threatened to put me in an asylum but he does that weekly so I'm not terribly worried. Although if I do disappear please start searching for me at the local booby hatch and no, I'm not talking about the gentlemen's club. I was wondering why my inner child has been making an appearance more often than usual, now I know. To be honest though for me it's more like my inner adult occasionally burst out. I shamefully admit that I am simply not very good at adulting and my sense of humor is stuck in adolescence. Proud to share the basket with you. |
Crystalmethod (OP) User ID: 68860410 Australia 12/13/2015 04:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Dear crew of the Enterhysterics, Something you should know that is of vital consequence that I have not disclosed yet. Whilst back in 1973 with Santa, I ejaculated into a hermetically sealed jar and left in in a freezer with the note saying. Dear <retracted name> I have left you this jar of sperm so that on the date <retracted date> you can inseminate <retracted name>. If you do not do exactly as I have instructed the world will end on December 21, 2012. When I returned to my own time line in the correct year, I received an email from Chuck Norris saying Fuck you. It appeared I had gained one up on him and became my own father, brother and son. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of GLP. |