Newly single dad of 6 mos after 20 years of marriage. How do I relate to my kids? | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71059871 United States 12/19/2015 11:42 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Long story short: Wife decided to go out and have herself a midlife crisis after 20 years of marriage. Racked up a bunch of debt buying clothes and partying (while she told me she was a Bible study), ruined my credit rating, nearly fleeced me for $250K which is a story in itself, got a few boyfriends, etc. Quoting: TheBiss During that time, I worked and she stayed at home with the kids. She was a lousy wife, but a good mom. We're doing joint custody of the remaining daughters who are at home ages 15 and 13. Our eldest is out of the house. I dont get home until 6pm on the evenings I have them. And the ex has been their primary caregiver their whole lives. I find that our evenings together are spent primarily camped out watching NetFlix, them texting various friends and love interests, and then going to bed. What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag? what are their birthday - and your ex whore wife |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 60682038 United States 12/19/2015 11:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Keep things interesting by doing this you all enjoy, including things you like. You may open them up to new interests that way. Do you like to fish? I loved going fishing with my dad when I a young girl. Take them hiking, teach them how to use a gun and self defense, etc... |
smackdog User ID: 67938009 United States 12/19/2015 11:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Long story short: Wife decided to go out and have herself a midlife crisis after 20 years of marriage. Racked up a bunch of debt buying clothes and partying (while she told me she was a Bible study), ruined my credit rating, nearly fleeced me for $250K which is a story in itself, got a few boyfriends, etc. Quoting: TheBiss During that time, I worked and she stayed at home with the kids. She was a lousy wife, but a good mom. We're doing joint custody of the remaining daughters who are at home ages 15 and 13. Our eldest is out of the house. I dont get home until 6pm on the evenings I have them. And the ex has been their primary caregiver their whole lives. I find that our evenings together are spent primarily camped out watching NetFlix, them texting various friends and love interests, and then going to bed. What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag? When the weather's good, take them camping or sight seeing. Outdoors are the things they will remember in the years ahead. What a terrible thing your wife did. I know a couple people who have/had wives that were spenders like that although I can't say they racked up that much in debt. Enjoy being a single dad and don't hop in the sack with the first thing that comes along. This spending thing is like a gambling addiction. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71049949 United States 12/19/2015 11:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hey just wanted to tell u that laughter is key at their age....really at any age!!! just communication talkin to them ask them about their life, being involve!!! play games like charades which u can make extremely fun!!! Good luck and God bless |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 70691834 United States 12/19/2015 11:52 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Long story short: Wife decided to go out and have herself a midlife crisis after 20 years of marriage. Racked up a bunch of debt buying clothes and partying (while she told me she was a Bible study), ruined my credit rating, nearly fleeced me for $250K which is a story in itself, got a few boyfriends, etc. Quoting: TheBiss During that time, I worked and she stayed at home with the kids. She was a lousy wife, but a good mom. We're doing joint custody of the remaining daughters who are at home ages 15 and 13. Our eldest is out of the house. I dont get home until 6pm on the evenings I have them. And the ex has been their primary caregiver their whole lives. I find that our evenings together are spent primarily camped out watching NetFlix, them texting various friends and love interests, and then going to bed. What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag? First of all, total liar and made up story in order to continue to propagate the misogynistic bullshit that the right-wing crazies who now "run" this site love. (Along with anyi-gay and racist posts that are nearly identical to this one.) Second, even if this is true (which it's not), doesn't this belong on the pink female site they spun off GLP? Because this is soft, feminine crying and it would look better in pink. Third, isn't this a conspiracy site? So OP, Please indulge me... what conspiracies do you find interesting that brought you here? What we're some of the topics that intrigued to become a member of a conspiracy message board but then feel the need to u burden yourself of this very personal problem which has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with conspiracies or the main purpose and function of this board? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 1465884 United States 12/19/2015 11:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Just be there for them. Women need to be listened to without you trying to fix everything for them or do something to make it all okay. The listening gives them time to get it all out and then they can fix whatever it is themselves. So instead of wondering what activities they need and how much they cost....just relate and communicate and above all, listen. If you foster this then they will let you know if there is something they would like to do as a family or one on one. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 70909915 United States 12/19/2015 11:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Long story short: Wife decided to go out and have herself a midlife crisis after 20 years of marriage. Racked up a bunch of debt buying clothes and partying (while she told me she was a Bible study), ruined my credit rating, nearly fleeced me for $250K which is a story in itself, got a few boyfriends, etc. Quoting: TheBiss During that time, I worked and she stayed at home with the kids. She was a lousy wife, but a good mom. We're doing joint custody of the remaining daughters who are at home ages 15 and 13. Our eldest is out of the house. I dont get home until 6pm on the evenings I have them. And the ex has been their primary caregiver their whole lives. I find that our evenings together are spent primarily camped out watching NetFlix, them texting various friends and love interests, and then going to bed. What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag? First of all, total liar and made up story in order to continue to propagate the misogynistic bullshit that the right-wing crazies who now "run" this site love. (Along with anyi-gay and racist posts that are nearly identical to this one.) Second, even if this is true (which it's not), doesn't this belong on the pink female site they spun off GLP? Because this is soft, feminine crying and it would look better in pink. Third, isn't this a conspiracy site? So OP, Please indulge me... what conspiracies do you find interesting that brought you here? What we're some of the topics that intrigued to become a member of a conspiracy message board but then feel the need to u burden yourself of this very personal problem which has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with conspiracies or the main purpose and function of this board? OP, this is a great example of everything you should NOT be doing....if this guy has kids....they may end up killing themselves....or others |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 61510392 United States 12/19/2015 12:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | It's especially hard for a father/daughter relationship at that age. Quoting: Anonymous-Girl You could always just come out and ask them if there's anything they'd like to do... Mostly likely that's what Im going to have to do. We're going to see Star Wars tonight since they grew up watching the Prequels (Ugh). The 15 year old is into classical music which is something I love as well, so we went to the ballet to see an interpretation of Holst's PLANETS Suite, but man alive those tickets were a wallet sucker. The 13 year old likes manga and anime. I've tried watching it with her, and the soap opera stuff she watches is no Speed Racer or Starblazers. (double ugh) It's all about getting through to your kids on a level they'll understand. I'm in my 20s now, but I grew up in a supremely disjointed household (mom remarried 3 times, dad was basically never around outside of obligations) and I never felt close to my family because none of them were on, or could bring themselves to, the mental and emotional level I was. My personality is very laid back, analytical, and low-emotion, while my mother is the most neurotic and dramatic person I know. Needless to say, it's not easy for us to relate. The best thing you can do is figure out where your girls lie on that scale (i.e Are they homebodies or do they like to go out? Are they low-emotion and quiet or more expressive? Are they laid back or more high strung?) and try to bring yourself to that level. From there, just tailor their interests to that level. If the 15 year old likes to go out more and enjoys classical music, then maybe it's worth going to the ballet. If she likes to just chill around the house, rent something like Les Mes, make a homemade pizza, and have a movie and cooking night. Lastly, the best thing you can do, especially as they hit 16, 17, etc. is TREAT THEM LIKE ADULTS. You have no idea how influential the first person that treats your child like an adult will be. Talk to them about their lives on a level beyond just "how was school". Get to know their dreams and aspirations. Ask them about the boys they like. Ask them about their friendships. Hell, let them have a beer or glass of wine as they get a bit older. Just make sure that you never reprimand them or tell them what to do (unless they ask for your opinion) in the midst of those conversations because they'll shut down and just see you as "dad" rather than a friend who also their father. What you ultimately want is them to feel comfortable telling you anything. That kind of communication is what real relationships are built on. You are at a perfect time in their lives to be the best father imaginable. The teenage years are when they want independence from their mother, and if you really work to listen and be apart of their lives as more than just a father figure, you are going to really build an incredible relationship with your daughters. Best of luck. I can already tell you are doing better than most dads in this situation. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 56230245 United States 12/19/2015 12:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 56230245 United States 12/19/2015 12:02 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Lily o' the Valley User ID: 70848385 United States 12/19/2015 12:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You can try getting out of the house....also , time with Dad should be "unplug" time. They would probably not appreciate it at first, but as they get older, they will. No electronics. Maybe even for just an allotted period of time. Quoting: BiblioPhile Their time with you should be about developing intimacy. That only happens with "face time." Go for a drive - no radio, cell phones etc. Get drive-thru dinner and park somewhere nice to eat it. Play catch, or any other outside sport. If it is snowy, build a snowman together - whatever. But the electronics take everyone's attention from each other. Get a pet that you can all enjoy together and learn about its care together. Build intimacy. Four straight minutes of eye contact at a time does that. Cook a meal together. Do a puzzle together. Clean your home together. Whatever. Do something TOGETHER that requires face time and interaction. Start some new traditions. Learn how to play complicated card games like pinochle, canasta. Just throwing out ideas here. The main thing is, as long as you have a television going or other electronic devices, they will not ever build a relationship with you. He's right, electronics are counter-relationships. Our family plays Rook. It's fun for all ages, breaks down the most solid of barriers. Very engaging game. It's holiday season, you can bake cookies together and decorate them. If you are all learning how to bake that will be a real bonding experience, especially if you have to comfort each other if they get burnt. Also making candy is fun. If you make taffy, you will all have a lot of fun pulling it, it will give those kids a very unique experience that probably none of their friends have done, and also they will have something to give away. Take them to the fabric store to pick out some fleece and make easy no sew mufflers. Our kids liked making candles. They liked making those soda-vinegar bombs too. He's right, electronics are counter-relationships. *** Good deeds bring rewards, bad actions bring troubles. That is a law of the universe. *** |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 68186298 United States 12/19/2015 12:05 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 70426432 United States 12/19/2015 12:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Long story short: Wife decided to go out and have herself a midlife crisis after 20 years of marriage. Racked up a bunch of debt buying clothes and partying (while she told me she was a Bible study), ruined my credit rating, nearly fleeced me for $250K which is a story in itself, got a few boyfriends, etc. Quoting: TheBiss During that time, I worked and she stayed at home with the kids. She was a lousy wife, but a good mom. We're doing joint custody of the remaining daughters who are at home ages 15 and 13. Our eldest is out of the house. I dont get home until 6pm on the evenings I have them. And the ex has been their primary caregiver their whole lives. I find that our evenings together are spent primarily camped out watching NetFlix, them texting various friends and love interests, and then going to bed. What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag? you dont. you are there servant. servants dont relate to their masters - they kiss their ass. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 70388230 Canada 12/19/2015 12:08 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | MAN UP!!!! Quoting: Anonymous Coward 63535874 Type on a conspiracy site lay blame on your spouse for YOUR failed marriage? Really? A failed marriage is always a two way street. PERIOD! Now all you wanna do, is "be the best dad you can be"? Go fuck yourself. YOU failed at that many years ago. Take up a bottle or sit in a honky tonk and cry baby cry. Take a look in the mirror and find the problem (half). Starring back at "cha". Now as for the kids wants? They sorely dont need a puss boy father leaching onto what is left of their childhood. You and the Misses ruined that for them already. Here is some advice take it or leave it... Find a hobby. Your kids will see a person who is becoming his own. Dont try to be a friend. Become a parent and in turn your kids will grow to respect you. And to all the other posts with your wishy washy comments. Your are part of the big problem today. take care OP and yes we all need to hear harsh words from time to time. come to the swamp I have to agree with that part. As a teenage girl I didn't really 'hang out' with my parents other than on family trips. They also weren't prying into my friendships. I think I would have resented that because it would have made me feel like they didn't trust me. I came from a smallish town so they knew the parents of who I hung around with, and that's all they needed to know. Doing activities with my Dad as a teenage girl? Never really happened other than skiing in the winter. When my girls were 13,14,15, all their friends met here. I knew what they were doing and who they were with. My husband was absent 90% of the time because he did his own thing (military). They loved having their friends here in our home. I always fed them, and to this day, my kids still talk about all the good times and memories made here. I was also everyone's transportation to the skating rink, to the movies, and the swim/tennis club. They were good times. My friends used to come over to our house too and us theirs. My point was that my parents did not pry. They weren't hanging all over us or wanting to do 'activities' with us, especially my Dad. Nobody's Dad did. My parents had their own friends. We were trustworthy kids and very independent. My parents were the 'cool' ones without even trying. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 56230245 United States 12/19/2015 12:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 55461564 United States 12/19/2015 12:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
TheBiss (OP) User ID: 69534485 United States 12/19/2015 12:14 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Subtle Dead Milkmen reference there... [link to www.grainmill.coop] - Bulk foods, long term storage solutions [link to www.CatawbaCoops.com] - Unique A-Frame chicken coop plans |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 55461564 United States 12/19/2015 12:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Long story short: Wife decided to go out and have herself a midlife crisis after 20 years of marriage. Racked up a bunch of debt buying clothes and partying (while she told me she was a Bible study), ruined my credit rating, nearly fleeced me for $250K which is a story in itself, got a few boyfriends, etc. Quoting: TheBiss During that time, I worked and she stayed at home with the kids. She was a lousy wife, but a good mom. We're doing joint custody of the remaining daughters who are at home ages 15 and 13. Our eldest is out of the house. I dont get home until 6pm on the evenings I have them. And the ex has been their primary caregiver their whole lives. I find that our evenings together are spent primarily camped out watching NetFlix, them texting various friends and love interests, and then going to bed. What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag? what are their birthday - and your ex whore wife |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 56230245 United States 12/19/2015 12:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
TheBiss (OP) User ID: 69534485 United States 12/19/2015 12:23 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Actually it is word for word from the first Rocky movie where Gaza's friend is taunting Rocky as they drive away. In Rocky II he takes Adrian to the zoo... and asks her to marry him. A lot of people didn't catch it, but I love old movies. I remember that now! And for the uninitiated... [link to www.grainmill.coop] - Bulk foods, long term storage solutions [link to www.CatawbaCoops.com] - Unique A-Frame chicken coop plans |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 56230245 United States 12/19/2015 12:26 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Actually it is word for word from the first Rocky movie where Gaza's friend is taunting Rocky as they drive away. In Rocky II he takes Adrian to the zoo... and asks her to marry him. A lot of people didn't catch it, but I love old movies. I remember that now! And for the uninitiated... awww cool. |
Your Huckleberry User ID: 20716548 United States 12/19/2015 12:27 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | What are some inexpensive things that I can do (other than board games) to help relate better to my kids so they don't feel like their time with dad is a drag? Quoting: TheBiss Take them shooting (not hunting). Cost of bullets is minuscule, and it imparts a very important skill. Find a pony club and get them riding lessons. Much cheaper than actually buying and owning a horse. Go to the local thrift stores and see who can buy the coolest things for under $10. Saint Comedian, Patron Saint of Bringing the Butthurt to Dipshits ‘There are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.’ - General Mattis, USMC, Secretary of Defense [link to www.godlikeproductions.com] "Subterfuge and social pressure are the wheel and fire of the 21st century" - Some asshole Legal Disclaimer: All comments are intended as humor and/or fiction and not advice, and not to be confused with any event or person, living or dead. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 61848399 United States 12/19/2015 12:28 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
TheBiss (OP) User ID: 69534485 United States 12/19/2015 12:34 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm dating a doctor of psychology now. When I described the problems I was having with my ex, she figured that the ex is suffering from histrionic personality disorder. [link to en.wikipedia.org (secure)] Additional characteristics may include: Exhibitionist behavior (CHECK) Constant seeking of reassurance or approval (CHECK) Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval (CHECK) Pride of own personality and unwillingness to change, viewing any change as a threat (Not so much here) Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior of a sexual nature (CHECK) Using somatic symptoms (of physical illness) to garner attention (Not so much here) A need to be the center of attention (CHECK) Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification (CHECK) Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear superficial or exaggerated to others (CHECK) Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are (CHECK) Making rash decisions[4] (CHECK) Blaming personal failures or disappointments on others (CHECK) Being easily influenced by others, especially those who treat them approvingly (CHECK) Being overly dramatic and emotional[6] (CHECK) [link to www.grainmill.coop] - Bulk foods, long term storage solutions [link to www.CatawbaCoops.com] - Unique A-Frame chicken coop plans |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 38075961 Singapore 12/19/2015 12:35 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Give them a copy of "Theory of Everything" by Trey Smith. Give them a quality Bible. Give them a good solid synopsis of all of your failings, all of your Wife's misdeeds. Make sure that they understand that whatever path they choose, that they NOT make the mistakes that you did. Admit to them you are a loser, and don't use yourself as an example for anything but failure. Truth... can be the best treatment, and may lead to recovery for yourself, as well as them. [DVDs | God in a Nutshell project] [link to godinanutshell.com] ? |
TheBiss (OP) User ID: 69534485 United States 12/19/2015 12:35 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | my advice: tell them to never marry and never have kids. Shits a scam. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 61848399 I'm starting to think there may be some truth to this. [link to www.grainmill.coop] - Bulk foods, long term storage solutions [link to www.CatawbaCoops.com] - Unique A-Frame chicken coop plans |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 55461564 United States 12/19/2015 12:36 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Actually it is word for word from the first Rocky movie where Gaza's friend is taunting Rocky as they drive away. In Rocky II he takes Adrian to the zoo... and asks her to marry him. A lot of people didn't catch it, but I love old movies. AAADRIIAANNN!! Take this lady ice skating, bro. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 56230245 United States 12/19/2015 12:38 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Actually it is word for word from the first Rocky movie where Gaza's friend is taunting Rocky as they drive away. In Rocky II he takes Adrian to the zoo... and asks her to marry him. A lot of people didn't catch it, but I love old movies. AAADRIIAANNN!! Take this lady ice skating, bro. Yeah that's funny, too. Retards on Ice! |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 58088778 United States 12/19/2015 12:40 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | don't listen to that pussy advice about find out what's important to them Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70393062 listen you're a grown ass man you're supposed to be the eagle scout know what you're doing. If you don't know what you're doing then that should be a wake up call that maybe you should learn what you're doing and take advantage of the opportunity that your shit wife is out of the picture not bringing you down with her shittiness. But if you want to be shitty and try to figure out how to lead your kids by giving them the leash connected to the collar around your neck then you won't get respect from your kids or yourself want to be cool? learn about the outdoors, kids love camping. Learn that shit, besides it'll be useful when shtf. Whatever you do don't start trying to date other women. It will fail I can already tell. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 58088778 United States 12/19/2015 12:40 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | don't listen to that pussy advice about find out what's important to them Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70393062 listen you're a grown ass man you're supposed to be the eagle scout know what you're doing. If you don't know what you're doing then that should be a wake up call that maybe you should learn what you're doing and take advantage of the opportunity that your shit wife is out of the picture not bringing you down with her shittiness. But if you want to be shitty and try to figure out how to lead your kids by giving them the leash connected to the collar around your neck then you won't get respect from your kids or yourself want to be cool? learn about the outdoors, kids love camping. Learn that shit, besides it'll be useful when shtf. Whatever you do don't start trying to date other women. It will fail I can already tell. |