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2015 Winner Of The Award For Reverse Excellence

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2015 Winner Of The Award For Reverse Excellence
2015 Winner Of The Award For Reverse Excellence

DECEMBER 31, 2015
By Brandon Turbeville

Toward the end of every year, it has become a Western tradition to initiate the proceedings of a “round up” or “best of” of the people, events, and products of the year and attempt to crown a number of individuals with awards for the most accomplished, best dressed, most influential, or most creative of that year. The world of politics and government is no different.

However, while politicians and government officials are awash with awards and backslapping trophies, there still exists no official award provided to them at the end of the year for their life’s accomplishments and those made over the past 12 months. It is clearly time to change this.

But what would such an award look like? We already have the Nobel Peace Prize, a perfect Orwellian award whose name says “peace” but is generally awarded to mass murderers, warmongers, and proponents of genocidal austerity. Unfortunately, we find the Nobel Prize is no longer able to provide us with the pride and confidence in the world’s leaders who are responsible for the killing of innocent people and the destruction of their livelihoods in the way that we desire. Unable to understand the concept of doublethink, the general public is confused by the use of the word “peace” in the title of the prize and thus they believe that the “peace” prize is actual a prize for peace. For that reason, they often see the recipients as weak and ineffectual despite their accomplishments.

So the award we need must have a title that sums up the true genuine accomplishments of the recipient while, at the same time, appealing to the sense of admiration we have for anyone in a position of authority and the abject fear we feel at the possibility of angering them.

We considered naming the honor “The Excellence Award,” but it was brought to our attention that a distinct minority of people do not view genocide, war, foreign invasions, austerity, violence, environmental degradation, and police states as excellent. Thus, due to our desire to be politically correct, we decided that no minorities should be excluded and we opted to change the name to “The Reverse Excellence Award” in order to placate the minority who opposes war, resting fairly assured that the term “reverse” will be completely above the heads of the majority that supports it.

Our biggest challenge was who should receive the award, since there truly are so many qualified candidates.

The old standards such as Henry Kissinger and Zbigniew Brzezinski were obvious choices since both have been responsible for the deaths of millions of people yet still remain free to walk in the halls of power, a true testament to their psychopathy and the corruption of the entire American system. But, alas, Kissinger has received the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to exterminate the “useless eaters” and, having succeeding in creating the most widely known terrorist organization of modern times, “al-Qaeda,” it was determined that Brzezinski was also too full of awards to receive another. Both Kissinger and Brzezinski have “Been there. Done that.”

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