Serious divorce question

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don't do anything at all. Make no decision.

get a lawyer,


dont do anything, including move,


until you talk to the lawyer

hire a truck and a couple of labourers to move all your shit to the new digs/dump/container

then go and get drunk, both in bar and bottle ...

are either of you pisces?

Have one, haven't talked about the moving stuff yet, he still hasn't presented me papers, but said he saw a lawyer last week, so I'm just holding my breath.

I know it's premature to think about moving, but my mind is all over the place, I am gutted.

Oh wow....very heavy thought's...just try to think positive for the kids sake and yourself.

I do hope you make it through this...seriously,take care.

No, Taurus (him), Libra (me). Our personalities are like oil and water.

I'm in AA ;-) I'll have a giant coffee, though!

Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground.

More kids' lives destroyed by selfish, uncompromising imbeciles.

I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage.

So you fucked up by getting married and did not look to the future and see this happening?

Indeed. It is heartbreaking. I can't even see them and he rarely lets then talk to me, and directs all the dialouge.

The most important thing is making sure your children are well taken care of. Talk to your spouse about how to minimize the effect on the kids, keep any arguing away from them. I would suggest getting a mediator to represent both of you and avoid lawyers. Lawyers have a way of making you feel like you deserve everything and your spouse nothing. They just want to capitalize on your loss.

After getting divorced myself, I gave more then I should have to my ex. But my children couldn't be any happier so it was well worth every penny that I lost. Bitter court battles make for unhappy kids.

Why dont you stay in the house and he leaves. Stand your ground.

Where are the kids going to be? And where are you going to be?

Dad is going to try to take the kids; I am going to fight this. I will be in an apartment or house depending on how the settlement works out and what sort of employment I find. It is a bad situation.

My ex and I made a list of the common property and then did a "mine/yours" list by taking turns indicating what we each wanted. Made the moving part easier.

Each of us was entitled to personal items, clothes, hobby related items, etc.

If you look at "Uline" online you can bulk order boxes, I recommend the copy paper size boxes that are about 12 high, 12 wide, 18 long as being manageable.

The boxes will be easy to "stash" between the time they arrive and when you pack them.

Sorry to hear of your situation, hope the above helps.

Says the selfish, uncompromising fuckwit. Yes much more functional to grow up in a dysfunctional household. Genius.

Before you say it, let me say it for you... " Can't we all just get along"

Genius. Obviously the offspring of parents that removed all obstacles out of his/her way all life long. Parents still wiping ass.

well,i am man and i had nothing so i took nothing

but you are women and take anything you want..

best thing to do is divide house and avoid court battle you will make lawyer rich

take stuff you require and sell which you dont like

Thank you for this advice, I'll look those boxes up. Much easier to carry, too.

It is sad, I have barely slept or eaten since the bomb was dropped earlier in the week. It's surreal.

Best solution (which is what I did) is to pack what you really need, clothes, computer, phone, personal documents and then walk away from the past.

Take NOTHING more. You will feel refreshed and liberated building a new life for yourself free of the shackles of history.

Fighting over stuff and being reminded of the past by stuff, will ultimately mentally degrade you and will lose any chance of an amicable separation which is fundamental if you have children.

Last Edited by The Scientist on 03/13/2016 08:57 AM

I have most of that, but I really want my Kitchen Aid mixer :-D And my couch.

I'll be honest even though we don't know each other; took me the better part of five years to really "get over/get through" the whole thing.

Be patient with yourself. Too, you'll find out who your true friends are, they'll stay with you. Please don't shut them out and go hide yourself, that leads to dark thoughts and bad decisions. Acquaintances, on the other hand, will fall away like leaves in autumn.

You can buy a new Kitchen Aid Mixer and couch, why settle for shared memories every time you use them, when you can have new memories of your own that belong to no one else.

Take NOTHING... be happy.

Last Edited by The Scientist on 03/13/2016 09:01 AM

Put a few boxes of portant papers etc in a storage bin where he can't get them. Include copies of ALL titles deeds registrations mortgage papers marriage license and financial accounts- you will have to providenit all to the lawyer. Make sure you have his account numbers of he has life insurance or Pension funds or IRAs etc. you won't get it later. This is critical*

The one that leaves the house loses

Maybe he filed papers maybe he didn't

Many women are fooled into acting - and then losing because he claims it was HER idea- or he tells you he will be a gentleman and let YOU file first

This is chess not checkers...and if kids are involved you better get your head on straight and wake up... This is now about MONEY and Not LOVE.

Can you support the kids on your pay?

Can you provide a place to live?

Dig in deep. Start sorting and have a yard sale and sell some stuff on craigslist to lighten up. The house will sell faster if the excess is out. And kids move easier in the summer between school.

But DO NOT MOVE OUT- his lawyeright have told him to GET YOU TO MOVE by being obnoxious etc. Many women made dinner for the family and had to sit at the family table with the soon to be ex while he pretended to the kids everything was normal and went to his girlfriends house on weekends. He even gets his laundry done! And believe me he could not care less!

He is staking his claim to the house by occupying it as long as his lawyer tells him and then it's bye bye .

Take photos NOW before items are taken or disappear - make sure to photo all the closets and the TOOLS in the garage and watch every penny he spends in the checking.

Get your own checking account NOW. Use the joint account for household needs and the children as usual. Start separating funds.

You have a lot ahead of you. The Japanese word for divorce is "dangerous opportunity" - make the most of it.

Remember NEVER say anything negative or bad about the father to the kids. They can TAKE The kids AWAY if he can prove you bad-mouthed him!
And it's bad for the kids in the long run. Let them be shielded from your difficulties. If you fall apart they might too- if you keep it together the kids will do fine.

Your biggest mistakes was letting him dictate to you about letting your job go. NEVER GIVE UP YOUR JOB BECAUSE LOOK AT THE FUCKING MESS YOU 'RE IN! He set you up so you look lazy and unfit so he looks good cause he is still working. Therefore, the judge will say he can support the kids.

Women are so look stupid when it comes to this. Never let a man talk you into giving up your job. Because it could leave you destitute. You screwed your damn self.

I don't give two shits and a good fart what he wants. Never never give up your job!

And this is why our world is fucked up... don't listen to people like this, walk away, take NOTHING, be happy.

((((( faint )))))))

I moved mine out, he wouldn't leave, I paid for his apartment until he could get on his feet. gave him all the furniture he wanted, the big tv, bagged up all his stuff, stocked his fridge.

as a child of divorce, I can tell you, kids aren't stupid. you can tell them that you are getting your shit together and this is how life goes. abandonment is the problem. they think they are losing a parent and care.

Excellent - walk thru with a clipboard and line down the middle - I'll take the chairs and you can have the chairs type of things. This becomes the LEGAL basis of division of both parties sign at the bottom o each page.