Best bumper stickers.

I've heard about the evils of drinking beer, so I gave up reading.

Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).

The bigger the hat, the better the cowboy.

I'm still a hot babe, but now it it comes in flashes.

National Spellling Bee Runer-Up

Dyslexics Untie!

When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you.

In case of rapture, can I have your car?

I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM.

I poke badgers with spoons.

Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

Keep on working, millions on welfare depend on you!

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.

I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian!

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. DON'T DRINK AND DERIVE!

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Money is the root of all evil. For more information, send $10 to me.

That's not a haircut, it's a cry for help.

If God is within, I hope he likes enchiladas!

So many stupid people, and so few asteroids.

Want a little taste of religion? Bite the minister.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Excess is never too much in moderation.

My mind is like a steel trap. Rusty and illegal in most states.

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Think globally, Act galactically.

If it's not one thing, it's your mother.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

Don't believe everything you think.

Help your local Search & Rescue. Get lost!

Carpe Diem = Seize the day. Carp In Denim = Fish in pants.


Never believe generalizations.

The generation of random numbers is too important to leave to chance.

I don't think, therefore I am not.

Jesus saves. He uses double coupons.

Avoid alliterations always.

Dyslexics are teople poo.

Say "NO" to drugs. That will bring the prices down.

Jesus loves you. But I'm his favorite.

This bumper sticker intentionally left blank.

Does anal retentive have a hyphen?

My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.

I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

The control key on the keyboard does not work.

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

Lawyers have feelings too (allegedly).

If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?

Too much Pluribus, not enough Unum.

Forget world peace; visualize using your turn signal.

If you believe in telepathy, think about honking.

People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

I found Jesus - he was behind the sofa all the time.

Don't make me mad. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.

On the journey of life, I choose the psycho path.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

If you can read this, you're not the president.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

Visualize Whirled Peas

If you can read this, I've lost the trailer!

I fought the lawn, and the lawn won.

Procrastinate now.

The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake.

Rehab is for quitters.

My dog can lick anyone!

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and name streets after them.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

If you were born again, would you have two bellybuttons?

Who are these children, and why do they keep calling me Mom?


Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.

And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?