I think it is a layer of my own personality with malicious intentions towards me.

Yesterday was emotionally so exhausting. I fell into despair and when I got home I felt like the energy had been sucked right out of me. I couldn't do anything at all except for lay on the couch just staring at the wall.

I went into my bedroom and just laid there aimlessly for awhile and heard Lu but I wasn't talking to him. He was speaking for me, on my behalf, to certain others. The way it sounded in my head, was like he was on a phone call, and I could only hear his end of the conversation.

Usually when I talk to Lu it's a dialogue between me and him, but what was odd about yesterday is my own inner voice was totally mute, and he was referring to me to these 'others' in the third person. I'm very familiar with my inner voice and his inner voice since he has been present since I was very young so this was odd.

He claims he was speaking on my behalf to the council. Or rather, he admit to that information later. What was strange was how randomly exhausted I got right after work and while I was laying in my bed, closing my eyes but not sleeping - I was seeing these visions, faces and voices, and one of them was a dead white bird - my mind said: "hawk". But a white hawk sounds strange.

Then I fell asleep for about an hour which was weird. I woke up feeling slightly better, still despondent. I asked Lu why I got so tired and took such a short and odd nap, he said I had to sleep so he could have a conversation without my hearing. He won't comment much farther than that.

To explain briefly about his nature, as he's given me more information in the past month and years as my 'spiritual studies' have caused me to question him - he calls himself an intercessor (he calls himself a guardian as well) but one thing I heard yesterday for the very first time - was he called himself my twin brother. When I asked him what he meant by that, he said there's no way I could understand it right now, and not to try and wrap my head around it.

For me, there's always a clear differentiation between when I'm speaking to Lu, or for example when I am speaking to myself - sometimes in my head I go, "you stupid fucking idiot bitch" when I'm pissed off at myself but the tone of that is nothing like Lu. It would be like in real life, two completely different people talking, they have different voices and faces. And there is no face or form when I am (inwardly) talking to myself.

There's also - sometimes apparently - others. Lu claims, he basically always mediates conversation between myself and the council, but that they will occasionally speak directly to me, but without identifying themselves. I know that tone too - it's , hmm, low and monotonous and very authoritative. Also, it doesn't generally engage in dialogue. It's like, "no pingback", can't trace it.

Another example is "messenger", the one who made me stop smoking. This one wasn't Lu either and it identified itself as an angel, or came off that way to me. I have only even spoken to "messenger" once and 'it' was very powerful. It induced physical changes in my motivation and environment.

I could explain more about this - well some of it I've learned only quite recently as Lu has become less reticent to admit to certain things - but I doubt most people would understand...I'm sure the way it sounds is like "voices in my head" but it's not like that. It's like telepathic communication. "voices" - audio hallucinations - they have sound. The sound for this form of communication is astral, there's no way you'd confuse it for actual voices talking to you.

I know the difference because - once or twice - as I have been laying down to sleep, when I get flashing visions of stuff - I occasionally hear short bursts of random sentences or something - and they sound like voices. Auditory, audible, there is a huge and obvious difference.

So...to conclude the inane ramble which went so far from your original question, I believe that the note scrawled in blood on my wrist was a layer of my personality which is bent on self-destruction, and that was its way of speaking to me.