Obama About To Reveal Self As Bought-And-Paid-For Corporate Shillary For Hillary

Last week B. Barry Bamz and Joe Biden were literally shaking with giggle-citement over getting to play attack dog against Donald Trump between now and November. You know they are just dying. Well now, Sources Familiar With Obama’s Sexytime Schemes are saying the president will probably formally endorse Hillary this week, as the 2016 Democratic Primary-Palooza winds down after Tuesday’s contests:

With Hillary Clinton set on Tuesday to secure enough delegates and become the presumptive Democratic nominee, the White House is signaling that Obama’s full endorsement could come as early as this week.

Ooh, how is he going to do it? Is he going to hang-glide onstage at Hillary’s campaign soiree thingie Tuesday night and say, “I, Barry Bamz, take you Hillary, to be the next Barack O’Sexy Of America?”

CNN shares some of the president’s itinerary for the week, giving us an opportunity to irreponsibly speculate about other ways this shiz might go down:

The president is doing one of those dirty sexxxy expensive fundraisers at somebody’s house in Manhattan on Wednesday. Maybe he will spell out his endorsement in ketchup and arugula on the fancy china plate they serve him at dinner. Stop playing with your food, Barry!

Obama is doing a homosexual indoctrination event, AKA a gay pride reception, in Washington. Maybe he will sing and dance his endorsement, like a common homosexual Broadway-doer!

Malia is graduating high school on Friday. Maybe President Obama will pull a Kanye on his own daughter when she’s walking to get her diploma, saying, “I’mma let you finish, Malia, but you know who else graduated high school, many years ago? The next president of the United States, Hillghazi McEmails!”


So! Get ready for Bamz and Old Handsome Joe to start riding around U.S. America on horses LOLing at that dumbfuck Donald Trump, and doing their part to make sure our next president is Lady Hillary Of Clinton.


Is Obama Activating Million-Beyoncé Army To Make Him Dictator For Life? PROBABLY!

Unless Obama is only going to pretend to endorse Hillary, and this is part of his devious plan to make himself dictator-for-life. Nah, probably not. (BUT MAYBE.)